Confused

[ConfusedMouseinahouse]

We belong to a Chistian group, but are on the edge of the group

We & orhers were invited to stay over for the weekend

People in the core of the group were unhappy that unmarried couples were staying over for the weekend.

So none of the unmarried couples went to the weekend away

I thought that Christians were supposed to be friendly & welcoming

Some couples have been together nearly 20 years , but not married

Nobody has explained why

Please explain ?

Why don't you ask the organising group?

Swift answer is that some Christians put into practice the belief that unmarried sex is wrong. Some aren't at all worried about it. But Christians, like anyone else, are allowed boundaries. " Welcoming and friendly" doesn't mean "without standards".

But I think you know this anyway.

Because we do not like the fact that they see themselves as "more superior" or move godly.

It is their judgement upon others, that hurts

Personally, I joined the group for other reasons (not to be a Christian) & I am very easy going

Plus some may be planning to marry in the future

It has thrown up some controversy in the group

Group not talking openly to everyone

I thought that I would get a second opinion, before asking the group

I am not into conflict
I do not understand how a group can be welcoming & then change their minds over time

Not superior. Just different.

@ConfusedMouseinahouse it is as @FuzzyPuffling has already* said. *I would add that if you see Biblical standards as being "more superior", and that is your judgement, then bluntly, that is on you. If it is a weekend away for married couples, then if you're not married, it is an event that you will have to miss. The 'marrieds' are doing the right thing by not leading unmarried 'couples' into potential temptation, as to do so would be on the heads of the 'marrieds'. If you are a disciple of Christ Jesus, you would get it. If you have not given your life to Him, of course you will be feeling miffed.

On re-reading your earlier posts, OP, you say you joined the group "for reasons other than to be a Christian".

Isn't that a bit like joining a football team and saying the offside rule isn't very welcoming and friendly?

Well spotted @FuzzyPuffling I missed that bit!

I stopped playing footy 'cos of the unwelcoming and unfriendly offside rule. (That of course is a 'poetic licence' - if ever I played footy there would be need of a stretcher and oxygen!) 😁

🍿

That is really sad OP. It's a very old fashioned attitude. Everyone has their own beliefs and everyone is right, but nobody should make anyone else who thinks differently uncomfortable.
I was once at a church like this. The pastor and his wife were happy to accept babysitting services off my friend who lived with her boyfriend (now husband) but would not let her read from the Bible in Mass. And I was just as bad as her as I was single but had split from a boyfriend when he cheated.
My church now is welcoming to everyone. Single, married, in a relationship, divorced, gay, whatever. Some are married or in relationships but their other halves don't come. That's ok too.
One of the vicars is divorced and a single parent, another is married and the other is single. Nobody cares.

The thing is Christianity is about following Christ as one’s Lord- and that means doing things His way. The scriptures are clear that sexual intimacy is a beautiful gift only to be enjoyed within marriage. (Before anyone asks, our Lord defined marriage as being between one man and one woman.)

This is, of course, very different from the cultural norms we live with in Western society, which results in people feeling annoyed- but really there’s no sound basis for such an entitled attitude.

Either abide by the parameters of the faith you’ve chosen to associate with on this particular issue, or don’t- it’s really your choice, but please don’t expect the actual Christians there to say it’s no big deal- because it is to them.

Imagine turning up at a celebration in another faith and demanding to eat a food that their religion has forbidden- would you dream of doing that, OP?

Respect the norms & values of the group to which you’ve decided to attach yourself.

The answer would be that sex outside of marriage is seen as a sin. God has decreed that marriage between and man and a woman is the ideal for humans, that hasn't changed just because it's the 21st Century, although there are plenty of Christians who choose to believe it has and that it's old-fashioned to hold to that belief. The others aren't judging you, they are holding to Biblical values. It would be wrong if they were unpleasant to you because of it, because none of us is without sin, but you have to realise that by being in a sexual union outside of marriage, you are 'living in sin'. Planning to marry in the future is all well and good, but until then the couple should not engage in sex.

What you do about that is up to you, but you need to be aware of it. If the rest of the group turn a blind eye to it and just accept you continuing in that lifestyle on a trip away, they are in effect encouraging you in your sin. I have been on both sides of this, and I get it, and it can feel hurtful to feeling rejected for behaviour or a lifestyle you think is fine, but in the Christian worldview it isn't, and you either accept it or leave.

It's important to realise that yes, Christians should be friendly and welcoming but no, they should not on any account accept sinful behaviour as being OK and welcome.

@Thedoorisalwaysopen sadly your Church will be under the judgment of God as it has left the teachings of the gospel. It doesn't matter how many people think it's absolutely fine, only God's view matters, ultimately.

BTW I joined the group to support a friend who is attempting to become a "better Christian"

I cannot disclose all the details

It was OK for lots of us to go away for a weekend last year, but not this year

I was never aiming to join the group, I am on the outside of the group on the periphery

Rules & religion seem to do more harm than good !

@ConfusedMouseinahouse Rules & religion seem to do more harm than good !

In good faith people have answered your opening post. This board for Christian Mumsnetters is not the place for your latest provocative unequivocal statement.