How old to join a midweek prayer meeting/bible study not aimed at children/youth?

[elliejjtiny]

Just wondering. One of our church pastors said today that my middle 2 dc (aged 14 and 12) should be going to the midweek prayer meeting and bible studies. I don't mind them coming to the bible studies if they want to but I would imagine they would be extremely bored. I haven't had a chance to talk to dh about it but I really don't want them to be at the weekly prayer meeting. I just don't think it's fair on them or people being prayed for to have children of that age be told other people's private information. The 12 year old has learning disabilities as well so isn't as mature as most 12 year olds and my 14 year old is quite sensitive so would be upset at certain things, especially when there are mistakes like someone said can we pray for "Mike" as he is having an autopsy! (Mike was having a biopsy if anyone was wondering)

I feel like I should ask other people's opinions though as I was brought up in a church where children wouldn't go to those kind of meetings until they aged out of youth groups so aged 19/20ish. My older 2 go (although they play games on their phones during the bible study) but they seem a lot more grown up than my middle 2.

The Pastor has said if I write him a list of things I don't want my middle 2 hearing then he won't say them at the prayer meeting but to be honest there wouldn't be much left. It's not that I don't want them hearing stuff, it's that I would want to tell them in an age appropriate way when they can ask questions, not be told that someone they know has a terminal illness as part of a list read out on a weekday evening.

You are the parent and you are the person best placed to know what is best for your children.

Most churches I have belonged to have had a youth group and have done age-appropriate prayer meetings and Bible study.

My only other observation would be is there any reason why anyone needs to know the details of Mike's biopsy? I would suggest things should be kept more general as in 'can we pray for Mike who is undergoing some medical tests?'

I'm with you on that one but our church seems to have a lot of over sharers when it comes to medical information, both their own and other people's. I just don't tell anyone if I am ill so there are some people who think I am a walking medical miracle! Mike announced in way too much detail all about his most recent medical tests last time he was preaching so it is all with his permission, apart from the autopsy part.

When I was growing up, the midweek church meetings were a chance for parents to escape for the evening. My mum and dad used to look forward to it. They would take it in turns to host with another couple who had little ones and the older teenagers in the church had a babysitting rota for the people who needed it. It went full circle because years later I would babysit for some of the parents who used to babysit me. It's all on zoom now so no babysitting needed but I don't want to be having to tell bored children to sit still when they don't need to be there. There is another couple in our church with children a bit younger than ours (but both have more understanding than my 12 year old) so it will be interesting to see if they are expected to attend too.

What kind of format will it take? Will it be life giving for them?

Prayer meeting would be the pastor would read out the list of prayer requests e.g.
Sheila has an operation coming up, Kelly's son is in trouble at school, Matthew is being baptised next month, Bill is doing really well after his knee replacement. Can we pray for the lady that Margaret met in the park whose husband is ill.

Then he will ask the pastor of the church plant if there is anything they need praying for and does anyone have an update on Mike or Brian. Then someone says they saw Brian in asda the other day and he's not walking with a stick anymore and someone else says about Mike having a biopsy. Then people pray, either in their heads or out loud, and the pastor ticks things off the list as they get prayed for out loud. The Pastor makes sure anyone not prayed for out loud gets mentioned in his closing prayer.

Every so often someone from a charity will do a presentation and we will pray for the work they are doing.

Bible studies are different each week but there is a rota of different speakers who talk about a bible chapter or a topic and then we discuss it. Once a month we will listen to a recording of someone preaching from years ago, which is always a bit weird because you can sometimes hear my now adult son making baby noises in the background.

Forgot to add I don't think it will be life giving for them.

I'm inclined to agree. Not sure it would be for me either!

Would it be worth suggesting that the youth group does something similar for a couple of minutes at the end of each youth session so that the youth can share prayer requests and then they get used to it in their own age-appropriate environment before ‘graduating’ to the adult meeting? As someone else said - you are the parent and know your children the best. Their spiritual upbringing is your responsibility, although the church is of course there to support you in that. If you don’t think it’s right for them - don’t send them.

That's a really good idea actually, thank you. I will suggest that.

I don't like this idea that someone is approaching you and or your kids to say they 'should' be doing anything. Surely it is up to them to work out how they are most comfortable exploring their faith.

Just no. Saying that a child should be attending an adult group is wrong. If the child wants to go then there are safeguarding questions that the pastor should have discussed with you as the parents. Which denomination is this?

Thank you. Denomination is evangelical. I don't think it counts as a safeguarding issue (but feel free to correct me), it's things like there was an elderly man asking for prayer about his piles a few weeks ago and we got more detail than I would have wanted. If my 12 year old was there and understood, he would probably find it funny and that's not fair on the man who has them. Personally if I had piles, the only people knowing would be dh and my dr, not 3 churches worth of people but each to their own.

I wouldn’t be mixing adult and youth in the same Bible study or prayer groups. Youth leaders will have safeguarding training and DBS checks as there is a level of sharing in house groups that needs careful managing.

How do you know that one of the participants in the adult group isn’t in church to cosy up to families and get access to their children. It happens. I had to deal with it once as a minister. Assume the worst.

If nothing else an older man talking about his piles is inappropriate. I would be shutting that down in an adult group let alone in one that had children present.

Thank you. The man doesn't talk about his piles himself. If anyone has a prayer request then they need to contact the pastor so they can be added to the list. The pastor then reads out the list at the prayer meeting. The pastor's list is supposed to be the condensed version so I dread to think how long the original piles related prayer request was.

I hadn't thought about that people might be in the church to get access to children. It's one of those things that comes up in safeguarding training but you hope that you never have to deal with it.

When I was growing up in the c of e, the youth always had separate groups from adults so the idea of a 12 year old being at a "grown up" meeting seems very weird and not right to me. I hadn't thought of it from a safeguarding perspective though.