Crisis of faith

[PontypandyBlues]

Any tips or support for surviving a crisis of faith? I'm struggling with "feeling" Jesus in my heart at the moment and feel like I'm just going through the motions at church, when praying etc. IDK what to do and feel like I'm in a bit of a panic, like I'm drowning, every time I think about it. I've had a run of bad luck recently and this is just the icing on the cake. Then last week I denied Christ - when someone specifically asked if I was a Christian I said no because I was scared of repercussions in the situation. I feel like I'm in a hole and don't know how to get back out of it. I've tried Googling and all the advice seems to be to pray, but what do you do when even praying feels empty?

Sorry if this is confusing, I can't unpick my thoughts atm.

I posted this on another thread on here but one of the nicest things I heard on the subject of doubt was from Matthew 28 - they worshipped him but some doubted. The speaker said that if you're doubting the best thing you can do is worship - focus on what you know of God, even if it's a tiny thing and you're not totally sure, and celebrate that until faith rises. I thought that was lovely.

I would say try and keep looking at Jesus. Read the gospels, speak to him, worship him, tell him your doubts and ask him for help. It's what Thomas did!

Firstly, I'm sorry you are having this struggle, I'm sure many will be along to give their own perspective. My thoughts on this, for what it's worth, is that there can be times when we don't 'feel' Jesus or the Holy Spirit. It's very important to realise that this doesn't mean He's deserted you, because He has not.

Re the denial of Christ. Please don't beat yourself up about it, remember Peter who denied Christ three times when Jesus was arrested, despite his earlier declaration that he wouldn't do any such thing! Jesus did not reject him for this. Ask forgiveness and move on.

Very often faith isn't about just the 'feels' but perservering even when we feel nothing. Keep on reading your Bible and talking to God, I find worship songs are very helpful.

Thank you. @AlteredStater Yes you're right, Peter did deny Christ three times. I did ask for forgiveness at the time but I felt like I'd done something truly awful that I couldn't make better... I can't explain it properly. And good idea on worship music, I'll put some on this afternoon and do some Bible study when I get some time to myself.
@ChristmasStars I'm struggling to talk to Jesus at the moment. I feel really self-conscious like I'm just talking to myself in an empty room. IDK why I suddenly feel like this. Focusing on what I know is a good idea. There are one or two things in life that I've always thought were God looking out for me. I need to remind myself of those and stay centred on them.

I do think we beat ourselves up and feel guilty for things even after we've been forgiven. The important thing to realise is that once you have asked forgiveness, you are forgiven as in Psalm 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

God really does forgive and blot out our sin, we appear in a spotless white robe before Him!

I have a favourite hymn, the first line of which is, " Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side...". Just this short phrase is a real comfort for me and I try to still my soul and just be open.
If this doesn't do it for you, maybe you have another favourite short phrase that might help?

@PontypandyBlues
This unsettling experience will actually turn out to be for your good.

As you choose to trust and obey God - without feeling anything- your faith will be more strongly cemented on the reality of who God is and what He has said and done.

You choose to believe His word, His promises. And you act accordingly-
in Psalm 34 David said
“I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.”

You don’t need to wait for your feelings to praise God. He is worthy of praise at all times, whether you feel anything or not. This is actually deeply comforting, because through these experiences we discover that nothing is dependent on us, and everything is on Him. And He doesn’t change- unlike our feelings and emotions.

Be encouraged.
Pray, praise, read scripture, seek His face with determination, fast if you are able.

God uses times like these to grow us in maturity.

I remember once telling my vicar 'I am really struggling to pray at the moment', expecting her to be shocked. She said 'oh you don't need to do that' and we both started laughing.
Don't beat yourself up OP. No Christian is perfect. Jesus loves you, in terms of good and the bad.

Ponttpandyblues you haven't asked anyone to keep you in prayer. How would you feel if others just wanted to say a small prayer for you privately?

I am sorry tbat things are this difficult. Keep firm praying as much as you can daily and just so the Lords Prayer. I would also just empty your heart to God and pour your heart out. Remember Psalm 139 God made you and know who you are and your ways.

I would also recommend the thread on here titled Who are you and what led you here and will read some uplifting stories in it.

We all have a different path and we are all uniquely equal before God. It is not the best time of the year. Perhaps find the Christian praise media thread and find some songs there. I like Firm foundation it says to me Jesus was there in your beginning and he ai be there in your end.

You seem a bit weary are you taking care of your needs the things you like that God knows you going. Do some if you can. They are fabric to us as well.

I have just finished a book that discusses this - its called 'How to Pray' by Pete Grieg. He talks about praying when you aren't feeling like it and suggests that the formality of liturgy is actually great for this. Maybe try out some really ancient prayers if you're not feeling like there is much point to your own?

When times are hard for me a unification really helps me to feel more connected to Christ. Christ said we should take the Eucharist with no fix time limit. I like to take it at least weekly. If your church doesn't offer this perhaps a mid week stop if you can to a Catholic or Anglican church. If you do look into this then make sure the right service will be on when you plan to attend. Helped by this many times
.

This is an excellent book. Pete Grieg is great.

You could try praying some of the psalms too, talking of ancient prayers!

I love the psalms. I live in them every day.

Just came across this thread and wondered how you're doing @PontypandyBlues
Recognising what's going on can be half the battle.. sometimes we are far from faith and don't even realise it until much later (even years later!)
I find, it can help me to go right back to basics- a book or podcast on Jesus, who he is and what he did for us. (I love Tim Chester and Tim Keller.) Courses like alpha/understanding christianity can help some people- loads of info on those online, you wouldn't necessarily need to attend the course.
I do hope things are improving for you

@snowlady4 Thank you for asking; I'm still struggling. Some days I get these flashes of insight where I feel like of course Jesus is real and the way and the truth and so on. Then I get to feeling like when I'm praying, I'm just pretending and going through the motions again.
When I do get those flashes of insight, I feel like Jesus is trying to tell me something but I just can't seem to hear what it is. Then it's gone again and I feel... nothing.
I don't know if it's because since we moved, I just can't seem to find the "right" church for our family, with a genuinely welcoming and accepting ethos where my young children are actually welcome. I know faith doesn't come from church but I find it's a big piece of the puzzle for me to feel like I'm in the right place and I think I'm having church issues that are undermining everything else like praying, listening to worship music, reading psalms etc because I don't have that sense of belonging atm. I don't want to keep trying different churches/denominations and confusing the children so I feel stuck.
I don't know. Maybe I would be feeling like this anyway and it's all just a big coincidence.

That's really hard @PontypandyBlues church can really help. I hope you find somewhere soon. Have you tried different types of churches?

Keep going. Read the psalms and and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you. Maybe read Mark too.

Thank you @ChristmasStars I've tried two churches in my local area over the last 6 months since we moved. We're a bit short of options but I think I might need to drive further afield to find somewhere.
I will try reading Mark and keep on with the Psalms.

Sympathy. It is a horrible, unsettling feeling. If you do an online search for 'spiritual dryness' you'll find a lot of discussion - it's a thing many of the saints suffered from. One of the comparisons made is with Jesus's 40 days in the desert, or with the Israelites' 40 years. Genuine suffering, and the only way out is through.

One of St Therese's images that helped her was to imagine herself as a toy ball that the child Jesus had enjoyed playing with but had dropped. He hadn't stopped liking the ball, and would come back to it. It hadn't done anything wrong.

The scriptures for the Catholic liturgy of the word for Lent might help - plenty of desert experiences there. Agape has good notes - these are next week's but you'll be able to get last weeks as well.
www.agapebiblestudy.com/Sunday_Readings/Sunday_Readings.php?Sunday_Doc=Lenten_Season/Lent_2_c

I just want to thank @ChristmasStars and @purplesparklydinosaur for introducing us to Peter Greig on this thread. I had not heard of him previously. Don’t be too hard on yourself @PontypandyBlues as it sounds like you are doing better than for which you give yourself credit. I have no advice other than to continue talking to Him - He hears your words and also knows the groaning of your heart when you cannot speak. Be still, and know He is God.

@DeanElderberry Thank you. When I was putting the children to bed around 7 last night, my oldest picked the Children's Bible for his bedtime story, he opened it at random and we were on the double page for the story of Abraham and Isaac. So to see that Abraham's sacrifices and a detailed discussion of them were a big part of the link you shared was quite a coincidence. I didn't fully understand all of the discussion though, for example the technical explanation about how the covenant worked. Envisioning God as "weaving between the pieces" of an animal sacrifice is a difficult mental image to reconcile with God the distant Father of the New Testament. I'm starting to wonder whether my fundamental understanding/imagining of God is the centre of the problem.

@Thegreatestoftheseislove I must confess I bought the Pete Grieg book with all good intentions when it was first mentioned but I never opened it as I felt a bit overwhelmed. 😱 I think starting with more traditional prayers might help me just get back into more of a routine and maybe revisiting in a week or two.

@PontypandyBlues you can also see or listen online on “How to hear God” as Peter Grieg is on YouTube. I’ve had to edit this post as the link does not seem to work, but I will try again : How To Hear God

Covenant is an interesting one. Last year in Lent the Catholic O T readings were all about it, starting with Genesis, and the flood, and the rainbow symbolising God's covenant. Later on we had one with Jeremiah 31, written about 600 years before Jesus, describing a new Covenant, written on our hearts. And then Jesus, our new Covenant, replacing the animal sacrifices and the centrality of the Temple.

Simple, radical, personal.

We're doing an 'exploring the Sunday scriptures' thing for Lent - it's great to get us thinking about and talking about them. Last week (possibly because the Hall we meet in has signage from the AA meetings all over the walls) I found myself thinking about the words from the Gloria song, One Day at a Time -

Do you remember,when you walked among men,

Well Jesus you know if your looking below,

It's worse now than then,

We learned more about God from the Incarnation, but God learned about all the messy physical and psychological stuff of being human and living in a body. His love has no end.

Here's Gloria. Apologies if you're allergic to C&W!

@Thegreatestoftheseislove Thanks I will take a look.

@DeanElderberry Thanks, I actually know One Day At A Time off by heart. I used to walk home from school singing it (I was a strange child), as we had it on a compilation tape that I used to listen to on my walkman.
I did know about the rainbow being a covenant but didn't know about Jeremiah (or anything really about the role or purpose of sacrifices before Jesus' ultimate sacrifice). I sometimes feel like a Swiss cheese where the holes in my understanding are the missing pieces that will make everything make sense!

Another example: A few years ago when I was struggling with TTC someone said something about Hannah and I'd never heard of her story at the time so had to go and look it up, but they seemed very surprised that I didn't just know it. I went to a faith school, paid attention in assembly, went to church every Sunday, talked about it all with my grandma, went to Christian Union as a teen, and did exceptionally at GCSE religious studies and yet... there's just so much I don't know. I suppose that's one reason why it's hard to feel close to God because there seems to be no end to my ignorance.

@Thegreatestoftheseislove glad to be able to introduce you 😊

@PontypandyBlues it doesn't matter if you have gaps in your knowledge of Bible stories. I'm sure there's plenty you do know!

I don't have a lot to say at the moment, but the fact you even feel panic is because you still believe, but this life wears us down and sometimes we get depressed and numb. Pray on that specifically, I'll pray for you too. God is good, this world...... Xx

@PontypandyBlues
Feeling very similar to you at the moment - and for quite a while. I have found the Creeds quite helpful as I can't argue that i don't agree.
I have made an enquiry with a spiritual director - links made on another thread on here x