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Reaching out for prayer

6 replies

Homesteady · 26/01/2025 15:17

Hi everyone,

Please excuse the sheer length of this. There is so much going on in my heart.

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown halfway through church this morning. Fortunately I was seated towards the back so I was able to put on a brave face before sneaking out at the end. Perhaps I should have stayed but honestly I think if anyone had spoken to me I probably wouldn't have been able to stop the tears once they started.

For a little bit of background I have two older sisters. They are very different from one another. The eldest (we'll call her Sister A) has dipped in and out of all of our lives since I can remember. We all had a pretty traumatic childhood but of the three of us she just hasn't seemed to be able to come to terms with it all and as a result is very confrontational, quick to anger, often appearing to be quite narcissistic (hopefully I've spelt that right). There is a repeating cycle where she cuts us all out of her life, then she reappears and tries to wedge herself back into everything like she never left (usually years later), everything is fine for a couple of weeks then its ruined when she 'plays the hero' to a situation she has created, lapping up lots of attention from the current audience of people she has gathered, and usually to the great detriment of whoever her current target is. Rinse, repeat. I have managed to keep her at arms length for long enough now that none of this touches me, but I care deeply for Sister B (current target...) and by proxy it affects me although I don't get involved. We were all living so peacefully until she wedged herself back in...again.

Today's sermon was about the spiritual warfare between satan and God. I am so concerned for Sister A's soul. She is a hard drug user, has stolen large amounts of money, has violent tendencies. She is a bomb waiting to go off. Her terrible deeds and misbehaviour clearly comes from not being able to reconcile her hardships in early life, but I fear she is beyond saving and will never be able to truly look at herself in the mirror and heal. She is nearly 50 years old and can't seem to even have a normal conversation (everything that comes out of her mouth is a cruel joke framed as 'banter', no exaggeration) so I don't see how theres ever potential for a deeper chat.

We are getting married this year and I am kicking myself for inviting her. I stupidly invited her during once of these short periods of peace. I feel I now have to uninvite her because there are more people than not attending that she's disrespected or hurt in some way :( How do you uninvite a person who is so volatile? I am genuinely afraid of this situation despite it definitely being the right thing to do.

Please pray for her that she finds some peace in her heart. Please pray for my other sister who has had her entire family ripped apart by this person. Please pray for me that I can find some strength and wisdom to navigate this tense situation in a diplomatic way.

:(

OP posts:
ChristmasStars · 26/01/2025 16:19

That's so hard. No wonder you lost it in church today. We will pray for you and her.

Do you have a home group or small group of some kind at church who can support you?

MrsJ92 · 26/01/2025 16:28

Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear this and I am praying for your family. I do believe you will have to uninvite just so there is no chaos on the day. You can give her a call (if she doesn't pick send a message of urgency, if not then a voicenote). Explain to her why you don't feel it's appropriate for her to be there. Having unsaved siblings is SO hard! I am in the same boat with a sister who does shocking things. How I free myself is recognising she's God's child and not mine and all I can do is pray for her and be a Godly example. I regularly get dreams about her showing me root causes which I translate into intercession. You truly have a good heart towards your family and I am praying that God does a miracle. Till then, release these emotions to God in prayer and know that he cares about how it's impacted you too. He will speak a word to comfort you. Congrats on your upcoming wedding/marriage ❤️❤️❤️

PilgriminProgress · 26/01/2025 17:25

You're going through a lot right now, and it's no surprise that emotions are overwhelming, especially with concerns about your sister and the sermon hitting close to home. Her struggles and destructive patterns are heartbreaking to witness, and it’s clear you care deeply for her. Keep praying for her, even when it feels difficult, God hears you. As for your wedding, it's okay to make decisions that protect your peace. If rescinding your sister's invitation feels necessary, approach the conversation with compassion but firmness. Explain that you've had to adjust the guest list and emphasize that your relationship still matters, even if she’s not part of the day. She might react with anger or hurt, but you’re not responsible for her choices or her healing. Focus on creating a joyful and peaceful wedding day for yourself. Seek support from your fiancé or trusted friends, and take care of your own emotional wellbeing. May you find strength and peace as you navigate this.

Justmerach · 26/01/2025 17:51

I must say I just opened this and will gladly pray for you. I haven't read the post now so cannot comment on it, but will read it in word later which is more comfortable fo mer to do and then delete it. I like lighting candles for people as well when I pray for them and I wiill light the candle my aim to do is when I next attend a church service.

Fatloss · 26/01/2025 18:44

I’ll pray for all three of you.
Remember that God sees into the heart so will know intimately what is happening to all of you. No one is beyond salvation for God.

Don’t worry about breaking down at church. I was crying a little today.

LeaningOnTheEverlastingArms · 26/01/2025 18:55

This is so difficult for you, @Homesteady - we have a person like this in our lives. The toll on everyone is enormous 😢

If it is narcissism it might be helpful to consider the passage in 2Timothy 3 where Paul describes people in the last days. Professor Sam Vaknin, a foremost authority on narcissism (and a self-aware narcissist himself) has said this passage should be on the front page of every textbook on the subject, which is remarkable as he is not a believer.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”
2 Timothy 3: 1-4

Yes, I will pray for you & for the situation. Best wishes for your wedding. Be prepared to have a few people who are ‘in the know’ keeping a watch for her in case she tries to gatecrash. I do hope it won’t be necessary, but best to be prepared. As you are well aware, these sorts of people thrive on the drama & chaos and enjoy ruining things for others.

God bless and heed v 4 of Paul’s advice to Timothy. “From such people turn away”.

No contact’ is often all you can do and failing that then adopt the “grey rock” strategy. xx

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