I was in a similar place around 6 months ago with work. Made worse by the fact I worked in a church and it was exactly the people you would hope would support you that were causing the issue.
I didn't feel I could talk about it at the church I worshipped at because many of them had to work with the people who were causing the issues, so I felt I couldn't speak freely. And I found it very difficult to attend because people would say "hi, how are you!" and I'd have nothing honest to say in reply that I felt I could. Equally well with my family, so I felt very alone.
What I did do was two things. Firstly an old friend who was further removed from the situation spoke to me and I overreacted to something she said. I then apologised, and explained a little.
She offered to pray with me, and that was wonderful. I told her much more than I've told anyone else and she gave me a picture of me walking along a corridor, leaving behind the old life and opening a door that Jesus was holding open and making my way in to the new life He wanted for me.
I would picture that when I was praying, and pray that I could close the door behind me. Gradually as I've prayed I've gone from standing at the doorway, to being fully inside the new room.
The other thing was praise. It sounds counterintuitive, but actually praise songs focus me on Him and how I don't need to be wonderful because He has done that for me. When I struggle to pray, when I'm feeling low, then I repeat the Lord's prayer, or find a prayer online that I can say, or pray in tongues. If I don't pray regularly I find it harder and harder. But I always try to start with praise, even when I don't feel like it, and I'll often find as I sing it comes easier.
I'm not over it. I have PTSD from the situation. I can't drive past my old workplace without my chest tightening and tears coming. I can't even go into town without that happening.
Even thinking about it, or seeing a message from someone connected with the old church, or a photo or anything connected, brings me to a state of panic.
And I know humanly speaking there will be no closure because the denomination closed ranks with the top people at the church - even though they knew what was happening. They're hiding it by spreading lies about me, and still are.
But I know now that I will get through it, which a year ago I didn't think I would.
Is there someone in your current church you could confide in? Not necessarily someone obvious. Someone who will pray with you regularly and not judge, or gossip. Praying with someone means you feel less alone. When I was really bad, I felt no one wanted to be with me, but having someone who was praying with me (and I suspect praying for me) meant that I needed to focus on Him not me.
It does come and go in waves. So I'll have a good bit and think that I'm really recovering, but then something will happen, or I'll be told something and it'll set me right back.
But don't give up. You are not a pathetic excuse for a Christian. I can tell you there are far worse people than you who call themselves Christian, and God is walking with you, and knows you better than anyone, because He's called you by name, His special name for you that He loves.