Introvert in an extrovert church

[FuzzyPuffling]

As above...that's me. Not.that anyone believes it, as I sing in the band and am smiley and conversational.
But...
The church where I go is full of modern songs, no liturgy, shouty presentations, action songs, "family focused"( ie aimed at children) and I find services utterly exhausting. I'm not the only one. DH and several band members have said the same thing. A couple of the band have left.

The Rector ( less than a year in post) has firmly stated this is how he wants it to be. He wants a church full.of young people, not old faithfuls and feels incorporating traditional gives a mixed message.

Alternative churches in the area are sadly similar.

How do i navigate this? Would sitting in a corner pew look mardy?

There's a lot to like but I need something more contemplative for my spiritual satisfaction.

I’m drawn to home church / house church. It’s the only form of church I’ve experienced which has come anywhere close to the 1 Corinthians 14 model of how we are meant to be when we meet together.

“How is it then, brethren? Whenever you come together, each of you has a psalm, has a teaching, has a tongue, has a revelation, has an interpretation. Let all things be done for edification. If anyone speaks in a tongue, let there be two or at the most three, each in turn, and let one interpret. But if there is no interpreter, let him keep silent in church, and let him speak to himself and to God. Let two or three prophets speak, and let the others judge. But if anything is revealed to another who sits by, let the first keep silent. For you can all prophesy one by one, that all may learn and all may be encouraged. And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets. For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

“But it has very real financial issues”

One of the great positives about house church is there is no financial burden on the church in terms of clergy, or buildings.

The church is then free to individually give or to collect funds together for a specific need, as the Lord leads.

FuzzyPuffling

I'm not sure why, in order to attract " yoof" we have to wave our arms about and sing songs of dubious musical merit. My friend's granddaughter ( aged 7) asked " Granny, why is it all on one note?". Not wrong there.

Excellent child.
I went on a church weekend away with a friend who attended a very trendy church.
She was most impressed because I seemed to know all the hymns that had been written by members of the congregation there - I didn't like to say it was because they all sounded the same and contained, at best, 2 notes.

So far our congregation has managed to resist charging up and down the aisle, clutching each other and going "Mwahh!" several times on each cheek for the Peace, but we're being encouraged to wave at each other and that seems like the thin edge of the wedge to me...

Fellow introvert here 👋🏻

I find it increasingly difficult to be in auditorium style church services, where most of us are passively facing someone’s back and only the few at the front actually do anything.

On my “faith journey” I’ve come to a point where I’m wanting to be part of something more participatory, something which reflects 1 Corinthians 14 in reality.

In the past I’ve experienced this in midweek groups (often in homes) but only in house churches have I encountered anything like it in a full church gathering, albeit smallish (maybe 15 people or so, all ages, babies to OAPs).

The irony is as an introvert it is easier to “hide” at the back in a big noisy church whereas in someone’s home with so few present it isn’t so easy to “fly under the radar”.

Yet this is what I long for. The assembling of ourselves together, under the leadership of our Head, Christ, led by His Spirit, each one ministering to each other as a fully functioning body.

@AgileGreenSeal

Like most things, there are pros and cons though.
Difficult to 'grow' a church when you are restricted to the size of someone's living room, yet should we not all be encouraging others in faith?

We have house groups during the week as well as Church together on a Sunday, as I'm sure many churches do, and this has been an issue squeezing a new person in, even then.

For me (and I know this is personal- you might not - but I know I am not alone) I would very much miss singing with a congregation of others - be that to a piano, to drums and guitars, or to a magnificent pipe organ, there is something very special about singing with others

Hi @NewName24 😊
The model of house church I have been around is that when it is starting to grow too big for the house it’s in then it multiplies into two houses. This way growth occurs exponentially without losing anything of the dynamics of being a house church. Of course where and how this happens very much depends on the body being committed to listening to the leading of the Spirit, discerning the will of the Lord.

I agree with you about singing! In fact I’ve never been to house church without there being lots of singing, quite often spontaneous singing which has been a great blessing to those present. I couldn’t imagine church without songs. I know our brothers and sisters in places where there is persecution often sing quietly, and am glad we aren’t restricted in this way where I live.

I also know some house churches gather together from time to time (maybe quarterly) for special meet-ups / teaching/ times of ministry or worship as the Lord has led them to do that in their particular locality.

I feel your pain OP. My vicar is a raging extrovert and has introduced “turn and talk to the person next to you and ask them about…”. I hate it so much. I deliberately sit right at the back away from people so I can just concentrate on the worship, I don’t want the stress of trying to make conversation with a stranger - it’s too stressful for me.
I now try and get to the service late to avoid that part. Sometimes I just watch online.

Ooh , hate the peace even more than ‘turn and talk’ as it involves physical contact. Why is it needed?

Today was better, in that "Lively Rector" handed the morning service over to "Calm Team Vicar" and "Ex Bishop". We had lots more liturgy which pleased me, but there was a bit of "turn and talk". I was at the back of the band with the flute/clarinet player, so we exchanged two words and stopped. She's a bit like me!

Pray about it - my experience is that God guides you to the right place at the right time, although it might take some time to shake out.

You mentioned that Calm Team Vicar and Ex Bishop led your services this week. Do they do this from time to time? Could you discus with them your preference for a liturgical service and ask whether they can suggest something local? I would put it in the positive (“I much prefer xyz”) rather than slating the new style that led by Lively Rector.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all in not liking the new style of service. I wouldn’t like it either.

We now have a different type of service once a month. It's not as bad as we were led to believe it would be but the seismic wave it has spread through our church has been so painful.
I love our vicar - she is a good friend and I feel utterly terrible in myself that I did not support her as needed when the plan was being implemented. In truth, I was afraid. Afraid of losing my safe space and not being welcome in it anymore.

My views on "The Peace" are summed up in this wonderful song:

Personally I call it the "time for the toilet break". Dh sees me disappearing from his place in the band and gives me a "V" peace sign. I then get early access to the cakes if I'm lucky. 🤣

That is fabulous. Thank you!

I don't mind 'passing the peace', but that song is hilarious @MargaretThursday

I wouldn't leave the church because it could well take me as long to feel at home in the new one as the rector would be at the current one!

My strategy is not to go every week. I would do the corner pew, definitely! I might close my eyes or look elsewhere rather than think about the performative nature of the rector's actions. And when I'm feeling annoyed by the service, I have been known to pick up a Bible and start reading at random! Have my own quiet service separate from everyone else's experience!

SongsOfDubiousMusicalMerit is my next username 😂

I agree with @erinaceus , can you not talk to Calm Team Vicar about the possibility of say a different service being held? We have a lively family service at 9.30 (but attended by full age range) and lively 6.30 service (many youth and young adults but again the full age range), but also have an 11.15 service that is more contemplative, plus twice a month we have a similar service during the week. The aim is to attract a range of people. Personally I'd like a service that was a bit of both (that's how it used to be when I joined) but can understand why they are now separate, and whilst the 11.15 is a smaller service it still gets dozens of people attending.

I'm really surprised though that in a city there isn't an alternative that would suit you. If you're brave enough to post where you are, @FuzzyPuffling, I'm sure someone will have a good suggestion for you.

Fuzzy Puffling, I haven't been physically to my Catholic church for almost 2 years, i hear Mass via the live stream, and at the time of the eucharist the priest says a prayer on behalf of those who cannot take communion either in the church or watching from home, emphasising that we believe that Christ is present in the eucharist and while we cannot take it physically we ask Him to come into our hearts. Would you find this an acceptable compromise?

That's a lovely and thoughtful post, and I'm so glad your church is also lovely and thoughtful.
I'm currently taking a break from church ( for several reasons) and asking God to direct me where He wants me to go.

Would you consider the Salvation Army? I haven't been for years but when I did go, it was always a really great mix of modern and traditional. You'll usually have a brass band as well as a worship band, usually choirs. And sermons that always gave me lots to reflect on.
Welcoming and modern but also traditional.

My local village church (CofE) has dumbed down "attract the families" services with guitars and songs rather than hymns on the first and third Sunday of the month, but then traditional services with the organ and choir on the other weeks. Could you try your local CofE churches and see if they do anything similar?
It's funny, I know people who go to my church but we never see each other because we go on different weeks!

All the local C of E churches do the " dumbed down" version ( or one anglo- catholic, which i find difficult too) . It was noted some 9 years ago that there wasn't a " middle of the road" church in the city. I think they are missing a trick.

I'm outside the city in the villages having worked in urban churches all my ordained life. We do traditional worship with excellent organists leading the singing. Both of the churches I used to lead in the city have been taken over by HTB and similar and appear to be focused on families and children. This is good, but there doesn't seem be any space for people who want to go deeper or ask tricky questions as far as I can see. There is no space for silence.

I generally go to cathedrals for services I'm not leading.

Yes, this is it. There's a couple of HTBs here too. My DD went to one ( just the once) and confirmed I would hate it. Loud, with light shows and smoke, she said!

So funny! 😂Thank you for the smile.