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Parents of 10yo boys, please tell me what is "normal"?

22 replies

LadyCad · 28/06/2010 16:33

Because I seem to have lost track regarding DS1 and food.

He is always, always hungry. Now I accept that may be to be expected, big growth spurt coming soon and all that, but I seem to be always denying him food because he doesn't like fruit and vegetables. We've just got back from school, he's grudgingly accepted a bowl of chopped apple and banana and is now nagging me for toast and peanut butter. Typically he would have the toast and then go on to eat his dinner (egg fried rice with chicken, he won't eat the peas)and request bread and butter alongside, then nagnagnag for a bowl of cereal for "pudding". This might be weetabix (with sugar) on a good day, something like honey nut shredded wheat on other days.

This morning for breakfast he had a bowl of porridge with sugar, then a bowl of honey nut shredded wheat, then he asked for toast but I said no.

The thing is, he is a bit overweight and hates exercise. He has never been remotely sporty and doesn't enjoy outdoor games of any kind. He doesn't run around at playtime, just walks about chatting. He says the other children laugh at his "fat tummy" when he changes for PE. I have tried everything to get him moving, he just doesn't like it. I try to put forward positive messages about his body and be encouraging. (I told him he's beautiful only an hour or so ago). We walk half a mile to and from school and that's about it most days. So I feel I have to control his food intake, but I worry that constantly saying no will give him food issues. In fact I wonder whether he has food issues already, since he asks for food morning, noon and night.

I tell him he can have fruit any time he likes but he says he doesn't like it and nags for toast or whatever.

I feel exasperated.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LadyCad · 28/06/2010 16:35

He's been a bit overweight for a couple of years. Is there such a thing as "puppy fat", really?

OP posts:
LadyCad · 28/06/2010 16:36

I worry about his future. If he can't find any activity he enjoys I worry he's destined to be obese.

OP posts:
cyb · 28/06/2010 16:43

My dd went though a puppy fat stage at about the same age...ds is 9 and hasn't yet but is quite active

Is it boredom thast making him go on and on about food? I know for my 3 if they are at a loos end the default setting is 'Can I have something to eat please?'

Is there anyhting active he like? Swimming? Hiking in the park? Kickabout?

LimaCharlie · 28/06/2010 16:44

Well about 2 years ago DS (now 11.5) got a bit tubby and was continuously hungry - turned out it was prior to a mega growth spurt / early start of puberty - since then he must have grown about 8 inches, his shoulders have widened, he's started sprouting hairs and spots etc and getting very emotional /agressive / stroppy.

These are the things that I did:

Bought lots of different fruit and veg for him to try and find something that he liked.

Made fruit and veg always available for snacks when hungry - like yours he wasnt keen but I figured if he was geuninely hungry he would eat them - I am prone to boredom eating and I think DS is too so he would often say he was hungry when actually he wasn't.

I swapped really carby snacks for protein - eggs, nuts, tuna, cheese etc much more filling and satisfying for longer than toast.

I also upped excercise to help deal with the weight and the agression / stroppiness.

He's now nearly as tall as me and much more in proportion height / weight wise - just remember this too will pass

cyb · 28/06/2010 16:44

At 10 is he ready to have the conversation that food is a fuel for your body and your body needs to burn some of it off?

MayorNaze · 28/06/2010 16:46

agree swap carbs for protein but draw a line somewhere. if kids are THAT hungry they will eat fruit/veg eventually. belive me i know it is tough, i have been there with ds who wouldn't eat ANY fruit or veg at all, it wasn't overnght by any means but if fruit and veg is only option and they are THAT hungry - then they will eat fruit and veg.

Lancelottie · 28/06/2010 16:47

God, he sounds just like my daughter (8 going on 38). She constantly nags for food as well (and she's the only, ahem, well-padded one in a family of string beans). Currenly I'm trying to tackle it by takng her for long strolls every evening, which isn't likely to do much for the weight in itself, but does keep her away from all possible snacks for an hour or so. Is this at all possible where you are?

I know EXACTLY what you mean about feeling you'll create food issues by saying No. But given that you say he's already getting teased ta school, he's hardly going to be unaware of his weight whatever you say about it.

I tend to say, 'It's not good for your teeth' as a fob-off!

ChocolatePants · 28/06/2010 16:48

My DS greeds for food when he is bored or tired. I fugure too that he will eat fruit and veg if he is hungry.

However he is with his dad right now, so I am missing all those power battles we used to have....don't know wether I'm or about that...nevermoind- it does sound typical.
Any clubs he can join- football, rugby etc?

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/06/2010 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterbur · 28/06/2010 16:52

Is there not some kind of sport your DS will do? Tennis, badminton, martial arts, trampolining, dance or swimming? Is he just fed up with team sports where he has perhaps been left behind by others who have been playing the sport for 4 years now. There's nothing worse than being on a football pitch where nobody passes to you, and your tackles all fail.

It's really important IMO that they have one or more sports they enjoy as they go into their teens. Apart from the weight and health issues, they need something positive to apply all that testosterone to. Does he see you/DH/brothers/sisters doing sport?

Plus what LimaCharlie said about diet. He sounds like a bit of a carb fiend. He needs to understand that he can't just eat what he likes best every time, or he will get fat. We all need to learn it at some stage.

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 28/06/2010 16:53

My ds (nearly 11) is eating like that at the moment - hollow legs! He's happy to have loads of fruit though.

What he's eating doesn't sound terrible - it's hardly like he's eating beef dripping or chocolate cake for snacks! I'd be more concerned at the exercise side. How about swimming, cycling, stuff that isn't obviously 'sport'?

cornsilk5793 · 28/06/2010 17:00

My ds2 (9) would eat and eat and also loves toast. I try to divert him with fruit before he gets to the asking stage and make him a bit less toast now when I do make it. He did get a bit chubby last year - not much at all but I noticed it. He's lost it all now and is very tall and broad. I keep an eye on what he eats at the moment and he's got used to not having toast all the time!

serenity · 28/06/2010 17:04

At about 9/10 DS1 started doing the same thing. He went from being fairly skinny to being quite chubby, and the only thing that stopped me worrying was the fact that my BFs DS1 did exactly the same thing. BFs DS is now 17 and very tall and skinny, my DS1 is 12 and starting to do the same (according to the Red Book, DS1 will end up being about 6'2) He hasn't lost any weight over the last year, he's just grown upwards, and his waist/chest are becoming more proportional.

DS2 has just turned 10, and he's being doing the same since last summer I'd say.

The only thing I'm tough on is making sure that even if everything they eat isn't always the healthiest, they at least eat in moderation. If they have crisps/biscuits then the next snack attack is fruit, or cucumber etc. However, it's easy for me to say that, as mine like fruit so it's more of a reminder than a nag.

cat64 · 28/06/2010 17:09

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Message withdrawn

MathsMadMummy · 28/06/2010 17:09

"He needs to understand that he can't just eat what he likes best every time, or he will get fat. We all need to learn it at some stage."

Exactly. 10 is old enough for that, IMO.

DH and I really wish his DD would learn that (she's 12) - at her mum's it's carbs/meat, no fruit/veg. When she's with us she doesn't mind that we don't keep snacky bits in the house! both his DDs are boredom eaters - one a string bean, the other, erm, no. hard to get her to take any responsibility when she lives with her mum though

sorry I've waffled. But I do think at 10 he is old enough to be told that he has to eat stuff he doesn't like, and do exercise he doesn't like. With both food and exercise, he's bound to find something he likes in the end.

could you cook together maybe?

LadyCad · 28/06/2010 17:25

Thanks for all the replies, nice to know I'm not alone!

It's the exercise we need to tackle really, but believe me we've tried everything. I've always maintained that we can't make him exercise, and force will make him turn against it, but we've failed to find anything he enjoys.

He loathes the sensation of getting "out of breath", and as soon as he reaches that stage, whatever it is he's doing, he'll switch off and stop. I've tried playing with him and chasing him around but he sort of lumbers about and then lies on the ground. (Bless, how I do love him ).

Interesting that some of you say it's time he learnt he has to exercise, I like that idea, but how to teach it? He is very disinclined.

OP posts:
serenity · 28/06/2010 17:57

Multiple short bursts of exercise rather than one long sweaty bout? DS2 has asthma and has difficulty with really physical exercise, but I find he can walk for quite long periods of time if he's sufficiently distracted. They can run around woods for hours, and it doesn't seem to register as exercise. My friend has managed to lose a stone by making sure she walks for an hour everyday.

Does he like cycling, or going on a scooter?

Lancelottie · 28/06/2010 18:06

When you say he gets out of breath -- do you think it's just lack of fitness, or could it partly be hayfever or asthma? My daughter has been much more willing to move around with a decent antihistamine dose each day.

cory · 28/06/2010 20:41

You don't have to do out of breath exercise to get fit. To be perfectly fair (though I may consider name changing) I always hated getting out of breath, but in my young days I was still very fit because I did massive amounts of walking and swimming. Swimming is a good one because it is gentle, but strenghtening. And walking can be introduced without having to mention the dreaded word "exercise". Could you get him interested in some kind of nature group?

MathsMadMummy · 29/06/2010 08:03

definitely increase walking. nature walks - make up a bingo sheet for different birds/plants?

or if he's into maps could you plan a different route to walk each time?

MathsMadMummy · 29/06/2010 08:03

ooh and maybe get him a pedometer?

Butterbur · 29/06/2010 12:58

Can he walk a neighbours dog? Perhaps for pocket money ( unless he'll just buy sweets with it).

Or maybe go for a family walk/bike ride/swim at the weekends?

The pedometer idea is a good one. Isn't it 10,000 steps a day for fitness? Get him to do a spreadsheet/wallchart and keep a log.

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