How can I stop being neurotic about DCs frequent illnesses?

[Solo2]

I've posted here before about how frequently my twins are sick/ ill. On average, at least once a month, DS1 (one of 9 yr old twins) vomits and this can go on for a few days and nights and sometimes is because of a virus and sometimes is unexplained. Usually, he vomits in his sleep and it involves me changing and cleaning in the middle of the night. Typically, I'll get no sleep at all for 4 days and nights.

DS2 gets migraines - usually not involving vomiting - plus the usual childhood illnesses.

I am completely neurotic now about looking for the first signs of illness because the meaning it has for me when they're ill. When they're ill, I get no sleep, I have to do more laundry and I have to decide on any one day whether or not a) they can go to school b) can stay at home but I can still carry on running my f/t business from home that day - or cancel meetings c) they're so ill, I need to do lots of last minute cancellations of meetings etc etc.

I am single BTW and run a business single-handedly f/t from home.

Currently both DS are showing signs of starting some illness or something - eg they're not sleeping v well but are incredibly tired, loss of appetite, one is v v hyper and misbehaved - all signs that they may be getting ill again.

I find I'm constantly asking them how they are, if they feel sick etc etc and constantly monitoring them and worrying. the implications of them being ill means effectively that normal life and any socialising stops of course and my business is affected and I get no sleep - which is even harder when I get the virus myself too.

Nothing if worse for me than being woekn an hr after I go to sleep to greet a vomit soaked child ina vomit soaked bed and bedroom and then being up all the rest of the night, stripping bedding, mopping up and then holding the bucket/ grabbing the bucket as DS reteches yet again for the 19th time in the night - knowing I also have to look after him and his twin in the day and run he business too.

However, I can see I go over the top with worrying about them being ill and they naturally get annoyed. However, they're completely unable evn at 9 to know if they're going to be sick in advance of it happening ot to spto if they're feeling 'under the weather - whereas I can read the sign well in advance.

How do I discriminate between sensible awareness and thus plan ahead (eg put towels/ waterproofs on the beds, cancel imporntant work meeting just in case)- and neurotic and silly worrying?

Also, has anyone else had a similar situation and if so, how do you cope? Our lives are completely transformed and wonderful when no one is ill but we rarely go 5 weeks illness free.

I am not surprised you are neurotic. That sounds like a nightmare. I know how tough it is when ds is unwell and I am not running a business adn house alone. Very tough.

Sorry I can't add much in the way of help, but wanted to answer your post.

Has ds1 been investigated?

Have you looked at possible food intolerances? My DS2 was almost permanently ill, coughs, colds, upset tummy and sickness which was always in bed at night(you have my sympathies) for about a year and after a blood test was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease. His older brother was diagnosed as well. Have put them on a gluten free diet and they are very healthy now.

Yes. DS1 was investigated last year by a consultant paediatrician. They said he hasn't got anyhting really awful going on but otherwise, his recurrent illnesses/ vomiting is 'unexplained' DS2 was seen twice and recently diagnosed with probably having migraine headaches - and otherwise, 'unexplained' or nothing bad enough to merit further worry or investigation.

In other words, whilst the medics are reassuring me that nothing really bad in goind on, no one has ever been able to tell me why they both get ill so often.

I've got my own theories from the fact that they were premature IVF twins (born 34 wks and 5 days but no discernible problems) to any wilder theories like - does the local farmer's field use chemicals every so often that effect the DCs? Have we got lead or something in our tap water? Do we have sporadic carbon monoxide leaking? However, I really have no idea about why they're so often ill.

Most people said they'd 'grwo out of it' as they got older and whilst their illness frequency has reduce d abit and it's also a bit easier to cope - our family 'default' position is being ill and anything else is like Christmas Day come early - rare and wonderful.

I hestitate to return to the GP as they seem fairly assured nothing nasty is going on and therefore you just have to live with it. But it hugely adversely affects our family life and clearly is turning me into a neurotic worrier, overly monotiring the DCs for every possible symptom, in order to try to gain some control over what is largely an out of control situation!

Hi,

No solutions on how to cope with this, I'm in a similiar position.

My DS has severve asthma and food allergies and I feel I am becoming neurotic about it, on the look out for illness. Plus I work too and it is me who has to not go to work when DS is ill, and this is a strain too. If I didnt have to work I think I owuld be able to cope better, but that's no solution for both of us - I mean the OP and me - is it!

Solo I expect you've looked at Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome which discusses regular vomiting and headaches
I really hope you have some improvement soon I am sure I would feel exactly as you do in your position.

Thanks everyone. Yes, we considered cyclical vomiting syndrome - not that any doctor ever suggested it - but I looked it up and it's one of several possible causes - but still no definitive answers - nor to my neurosis about fearing they're ill! I've tried rationalising it away and in fact after positing here, successfully stopped asking if they felt ill (and this time only chesty coughs have emerged - no vomiting or headaches - so no sleepless nights - except one of them is now waking at 5.45am).

However, even rationally, I know that them being ill equals total sleep deprivation for me, disrution to my working life and our social lives and pretty much to everything - so it's hard to say to myself - don't worry if they really are ill, it doesn't matter - because it really DOES matter!

solo, been there and I feel for you! Have 3 dc and my ds was, up to last summer, being ill every three weeks. Very high temprature, being sick, too weak to get out of bed, all limbs hurt..the llist was endless and whilst trying hard, as a working single mother, to get on with life I used to think I was neurotic..could even plan on the calender almost when it would be a bad week again. Grief, does it cost energy to be up in the night for years and years..docters tested for everything from allergies to Leuk, even suggesting it was all pycological perhaps. I'd almost accepted it was just how life was when by chance, we went to see another doc who asked why this child has never had tonsils taken out as they are in such a mess! Can you believe it, somehing so simple and nobody (including me) had thought of it and since the operation last year, I have had a different child and realised how bloody awful it is to constantly have a sick child...keep looking for answers and no, you are not neurotic, just very tired and worn down from the situation-good luck!

Thanks Megancleo. DS1 - the one who does the most vomiting, DID have his tonsils taken out around age 4 when they explored for lymphoma and this did reduce the times he vomits - but it's still way more than average.

When at the hospital recently with DS2 - who gets morning headaches - I suggested sleep apnoea/ breathing through the mouth only/ insomnia as a potential reason for a ENT referral and tonsils out, they didn't think this was important! - despite having a twin who'd done better after having HIS tonsils removed....

Anyway, I just have to keep working on not getting too worked up about them being ill and learning to tolerate sleeplessness and business challenges with sick children!

Thanks again.