Discussing children with doctor in front of them

[acebaby]

I am concerned about DS1's growth and would like to discuss it with the GP. How do I avoid upsetting him? He is 4.8, very bright and articulate, and seems to be able to follow most adult conversation. I have spent a lot of time this year reassuring him about being the smallest in his school,emphasizing that there is nothing wrong with his size and suggesting strategies for dealing with teasing/insensitive remarks by other children (and even adults!) I don't want to undo all of this, but yet I do want the GP to rule out anything serious, and perhaps him to a growth clinic for regular monitoring.

I guess that the GP will need to examine him, so going without him isn't an option.

I'm just really looking for a few tips as to how others have dealt with similarly sensitive situations. TIA

Can you take another adult to the appoinment?

Then you can go in first alone to speak to the dr, and your DS can come in after you have explained your worries

could you not ask to have a telephone conversation with the GP and explain to him/her your concerns and the need to be tactful infront of your son.

Or go to the GP yourself first without your DS and have a chat about your worries when your DS is at school. Then make another appointment and take your DS with you

All great ideas! Thanks also for reassuring me that I'm not being totally PFB about it (I have awful PFB tendencies with both my children...). I would struggle to find another adult. The only option is my Mum, and she is generally busy looking after DS2 (wouldn't want to take DS2 into the doc's surgery unless absolutely essential because he usually has some ghastly nursery virus)

I think I'll go to the GP myself first/have a phone appointment.

You could maybe phone ahead and ask a receptionist, a nurse or a treatment room staff to look after him in the waiting room/outside the surgery door whilst you have a chat with dr first? I often did that with my ds.

My GP will accept emails

Would it be an option to just take DS along with you for the appointment - especially if your DS has noticed that he is the smallest and is upset about it?
You could explain to him first what you are doing. If he has already noticed the difference and been upset by it then he may find it reassuring that he is being seen.

If he is 4.8 and bright then he will probably realise what is going on anyway, and it may seem worse if it seems to him that it is something that cant be discussed with him, IYSWIM.

Thanks all - lots to think about and more excellent suggestions about how to be discreet. DS1 has noticed he is small, but I have taken the approach of supporting him and encouraging him to use gentle put downs to any children or adults who comment on his size (eg 'people come in all shapes and sizes' or 'it's rude to call people babies when they are not'). I don't want to give him the message that I am in anyway dissatisfied with his size (I'm not btw, I just want to be sure there is no underlying physical condition)

I am not sure at all how much to include DS in this. I don't want to imply that his smallness can be cured because even if treatment is possible (or desirable??), it will be long term. He is bright but does not really understand long timescales. For example, he insists on eating several munch bunch yogurts a day, and every day asks if they have made him grow yet (apparently the TV commercial says munch bunch yogurts 'make kids grow')

On the other hand, if he is to have any sort of treatment down the line (assuming there is nothing physically wrong with him that needs to be treated now), because it is likely to be 'cosmetic' rather than medically necessary I would not embark on it without his full participation, even if that meant waiting. So maybe better to start including him in medical discussions now...

sorry that was long but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks again for your posts

It sounds as though this is something that is bothering your DS, so perhaps suggesting that it's a visit to the GP to reassure him that he is growing normally for him. Would it be useful to show him the growth chart in his red book (so if he's following a line, he can see that there is progress.)

thanks all. I have had a long think, and I have decided to have an initial chat with the doctor on the phone to see if an appointment is even warranted. If the GP wants to see DS1, I will be honest with him but not go into detail. I think that I am projecting my own worries, including difficult decisions about possible future treatments onto him. Having a check up at the doctors will not equate to his height being serious problem in DS1's eyes (unless I get overly mysterious and tense about it)

Stanaursaurus - good idea about the red book growth charts. That is just the sort of thing that would appeal to my (slightly geeky) DS1. He will also enjoy reading the anguished accounts of his rubbish sleep, carefully noted by the HV!

Thanks again for the great advice and for reading my post. I heart MN