devastated at tooth decay

[feeimcgee]

I am so upset I want to cry. My DH has called me at work to say that he is pretty sure my four-year-old DD has a decayed tooth. He is going mad and saying that we have failed her. We fell out, with me accusing him of over-reacting and him saying that I am not taking responsibility. it's just a mystery, as we brush her teeth twice a day, her last check-up in October was fine, and she doesn't eat loads of sweets. She probably eats too many of those yoghurt covered fruit flakes though. I'm now going to get a lecture about not looking after her teeth from the dentist. When we were wee, I remember not eating sweets but having a couple of fillings, but my DH and his sister didn't. He thinks it is the worst thing in the world.
Just feel upset and wanted to talk about it without bloody falling out as usual.

Your DH needs a reality check! Some children get decay and others don't. With some it is down to bad dental hygiene or too much juice or sweets and with some it is just down to luck.

And the fruit flakes may have contributed. I did read somewhere that giving lots of raisins instead of sweets didn't help teeth as the sugar in the raisins was equally bad. We live and learn!

Why is your Husband not taking responsibility? Why is it your fault? She is his daughter as well.

If you didn't eat sweets but had fillings, perhaps you didn't have the strongest of teeth; perhaps your daughter doesn't either.

If the fruit flakes have contributed, then there's time to put that right before the permanent teeth arrive. Take anything your dentist says on the chin and make any necessary dietary changes, but try not to feel so bad about it.

That's assuming your husband is right and she has got a decayed tooth...

Absolutely, DinP.

Your husband is being ridiculous. I think a lot of tooth decay is down to genetics- That's not to say parents should be careful of what their kids eat, but come on...

It happens. Even to parents who take dental hygiene seriously.

From your post you haven't yet been to the dentist. Is that right? And if so, how does your DH know that she has decay.

Also I agree with everyone who says that genetics come into the equation. Clearly if you gave her a bottle with coke in every night you'd be at fault, but short of this, I think it's largely luck.

I sympathise to a point - I have raised 2 DCs wih the same rules about not too many sweets, regular brushing etc. DD is 11 and has never had a problem. DS is 4 and we have just found a slightly decaying tooth.

At the end of the day, if you have been vigilant about brushing and reasonably careful about what DD eats, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

People fail their children in far worse ways and they do it deliberately. you haven't been a bad parent and you have done what you feel is right for her. Why should you feel bad about that?

Agree your DH is being mean and blaming you isn't going to fix the tooth.

DS 14 adult back teeth came through bad, one dentist blamed his diet, but the one who filled the teeth told us that it was something that happened when the tooth buds were forming ie either antibiotics or too much flouride. He also has white marks on his front teeth. We had given him flouride supplements on the advise of the first dentist