I have to face it: ds is FAT !!

[gramercy]

I'm so upset. I just didn't really notice the weight creeping on, and then I saw him last night after a shower and he is really quite blubbery.

He looks ok with clothes on, but to tell the truth there's a slight double chin going on too.

I feel so guilty. But now I feel I MUST take action, and wonder if anyone has any advice? He is 11, by the way, and quite small (other than that belly!).

I give him a strict limit of £2 a day for dinner money, and I've reduced his portion size in the evening. He doesn't ever have fizzy drinks and crisps only for a treat.

Admittedly he is useless at sport and therefore, apart from walking to and from school, is a bit of a couch potato.

Help!!

Go for a walk every afternoon.
Find a sport that he might enjoy.
Go for bike rides every weekend.
There are lots of things to do.
Just don't make the weight thing an issue. Make it more about benig healthy now that summer is (hopefully) approaching.

Even though you say he is useless at sport you must get hime more active. Swimming, family walks, bike rides, even something like a wii fit?

Lots of fresh fruit and veg. What sort of food is he buying at school? Even on £2 he could still be filling up on shite?

You may find that he loses it naturally. DS was just as you describe at 11/12 then he shot up and is now back to a healthy size. Quite often puberty will take care of a lot.

Agree about finding a sport he enjoys. DS never interested in footy, rugby etc, but likes individual things like karate. Yours may well be similar.

You are right to be concerned. A child so young getting used to an inactive life is not good. At least for his heart, try make sure he runs up a sweat a few times per week. Can you try him on more "unusual" sports such as Tennis? Judo, Tae Kwon do? Wrestling? I am sure you can find something he will enjoy. Cycling is also very good. You cant expect him to be fit and active if you as a family isnt. It would be good for all of you to be out cycling, etc.

I am a bit bothered about what he eats at school - but he's at secondary school now so he has a bit of a free reign. They are introducing smart cards in the canteen after Easter and parents will get a print-out of what their dcs buy - hah!

I think the "summer is comiing" idea is good. I shall institute a family fitness plan.

I took ds to swimming lessons for a year and I'm afraid he never got his hair wet, let alone learnt to swim. I shall, however, persevere with bike riding.

We are guilty of being the least fit family in Britain. Well, actually, I'm not - I walk at least 3 miles a day back and forth to school and so does dd.

It's dh and ds. And I think part of the problem (or THE problem) is that dh hates any activity whatsoever, so if I suggest anything he is quite scornful, and this rubs off on ds. I tried to discuss the issue with dh last night, and he just says "Oh, he's all right, leave him alone" which is not helpful.

Your DH isn't being helpful you're right and it would be easier to have his support but you can do this without him if needs be. Don't let his poor attitude get in the way of helping your son.

I know it's very difficult to stop him eating rubbish at school so you will have to compensate for it by providing extra healthy meals and snacks at home. To be honest if he's eating healthy food in the evenings and at weekends and being active in some way everyday then what he eats at school shouldn't impact him too much. (I used to eat really bad stuff at school everyday! deep fried jam sandwich's coated in sugar - can you imagine what Jamie Oliver would say)

As long as you eat healthily 80% of the time, the other 20% is okay. So what he eats at school shouldn't matter too much so long as he is eating well at home.

Cycling is good. I have started cycling with dd1 after schol in the park. It's amazing how quickly it becomes easy. Even just moving in water is good, because the water acts as a resistance, so you burn more calories, wo swimming would help.

What about fencing? If he is not into regular sports. Or joining a teens gym session? Wii Sports is good too or Wii Family Trainer. They are both more fun and harder work than Wii Fit.

It's good that you're recognising this problem whilst you still have some control over what your ds is eating and his level of activity.
As others have said, it seems sensible to cut out the crappy foods, but personally I would be concentrating more on his worrying inactivity. Dd eats like a horse but is constantly on the go so remains slim.

I would make learning to swim a priority. Did he not have lessons with school? The national curriculum requires children should be able to swim at least a length by year 6. If he dislikes the formal lessons perhaps you or dh could take him?

Also try limiting his tv/computer time so he is forced to do something that requires a bit more effort.
Do you have a trampoline? That could be a good way of getting a half hour of exercise in every few days.

Good luck!

How about judo or karate? Many people who don't like sport, get on well with martial arts (including me), and it is quite aerobic. Maybe you could join a green gym together or a local conservation project (not every 11yo's idea of fun, but you never know!)

Has anyone asked how much this lad actually weighs?

I'm going to steer clear of giving you weight loss tips for your son because it's a dangerous thing to do. We know nothing of your child, we don't even know his weight.

What I would suggest is that you sign him up for after school sports clubs. I would also check that the £2 you give him every day is actually going on school dinners or is he going elsewhere with friends - to the chippy perhaps?

Could he walk to school and back?

And instead of cutting down his portion, look at what you are preparing as a meal instead. Try to include lots of fresh ingredients, buy less jars and tins as these tend to be high in salt and sugar. Swap for wholemeal pasta (they won't notice), don't buy ready meals, make them yourself.

But if you feel that your ds is overweight then your first port of call should be with the doctor.

I think that regardless of whether or not he is overweight, his totally inactive lifestyle is worrying, Rhubarb.

gramercy - I posted almost exactly the same thing as you about a year ago. Advice was given to cut out the junk - and by and large I did. No crisps or biscuits in the house now. But he still eats a lot - he is always hungry. And he's perhaps a bit slimmer but not massively. He is quite active with walking, cycling and skateboarding but does no competitive sport.

I don't have an answer but I'm hoping he will do what his uncle and cousin did - ie put on podge in his early teens and lose it all and shoot upwards from about 15 onwards. I don't what else I can do TBH.

Was there a similar pattern with his dad or your DB (if you have one) at that age?

Yes I would say it is, but we only have the OPs say so for that, the lad could be very active at school.

Cutting back a childs daily intake should only be done with the advise of a doctor surely? If it's just his inactivity then cutting back on his intake wouldn't be recommended at all. I would ensure that he does some sporting activities at least twice a week.

My two don't belong to any sports clubs, but they do walk to school and back every day. In good weather they play outside and every weekend we go for a long family walk. If this isn't possible then sign him up for swimming or football practice.

yy to more activity

and fwiw both of my boys took 3 years of weekly swimming lessons before they could actually swim

I haven't weighed ds. As I said, he's actually quite small - one of the smallest in his year. I don't think he will grow to be very tall (I'm only 5'3"). It's the blubber that is the problem.

He walks back and forth to school. We always eat quite healthily at home. He does have an enormous appetite though and is very appreciate of everything I cook - even lentil curry!

Dh is overweight and is very resistant to doing anything about it. I feel this sets an awful example to ds but years of nagging and pleading will not move dh on the subject. He has a huge appetite and just can't countenance feeling even the slightest big peckish.

I'll look into more sport for ds. He does do cricket, but I think he's picked a sport that allows one to sit around a lot and bark orders at others! He did do badminton, and enjoyed it, but he didn't want to go any more after he was demoted to a class two age groups lower.

How old is he?

Try orienteering?

Start giving him a packed lunch, no money.

Sign him up for swimming every week, it uses all of the muscles I believe, he doesn't have to do it as a 'team' he can merely to it for his own enjoyment and it won't feel as though he's expending much energy even though he is.

Start getting wholegrain bread, pasta and brown rice. Low-fat margarines. Yoghurts for pudding during the week. Fruit drinks - no fizzy stuff. Lots of fresh fruit in a bowl where everyone can reach it, not tucked in a corner of the kitchen. Put it on the table in the living room so if they want to snack they can just reach out a hand and grab an apple.
Don't buy ready made pizzas, buy the bases, add a can of chopped tomatoes and grated cheese - half the fat of a ready-made pizza, much nicer and just as easy to prepare.
All these little changes add up. Your dh might even benefit!

You need to show him a good example. Forbidding things makes them more attractive. But if he sees you doing exercise and eating in moderation and balanced then he will be more inclined to do it too.

You need to get on top of it before he becomes a teenager! I know someone who just didn't admit their daughter was fat and now has an obese 17 year old, who frankly will be fat for the rest of her life as there are absolutely no signs of her accepting that she is unhealthily big, and her family as still just letting her carry on eating and doing no exercise.

go out, walks/cycles/housework. Get him into a sport - first watching, then playing if that is going to work easier. And get him cooking- so that he has an understanding of nutritien (sp?) and also is bought into eating the healthy food as he made it.

good luck! The first step is seeing the problem. So you've made a big leap already!

Have you tried a MEND course - they run them in my area and are for anyone who is concerned about their child's weight. They do various sessions for parents and children and look at exercise, nutrition and portion control. I am about to start one with DS and everyone I've spoken with who has completed one is positive about the course.
The courses are free and their website is here