Any health visitors out there who can answer this question?

[purplefish]

So, first time father with a newborn baby is looking after the baby while the mother sleeps. After about an hour or so of the baby crying constantly, the father takes the baby into the mother and hands baby to her saying he can't settle him and thinks that maybe she can settle him better. The mother tells the HV this who apparently says that the father handing the baby back is 'the first sign of shaken baby syndrome'

Would a HV really say this?

BTW I have seen the father with the baby and he is fabulous with him. I have also trusted and always would trust him with my children without any question.

eh? What else would the father do?

I'm not a HV but trained as a paeds nurse so have worked with a few, I don't think a HV would say this to be honest, it's the best thing to do with an unsettled baby, parents can become anxious and irritable when the baby won't stop crying so it's best to hand the little one over to someone else or to leave the room to calm down.

HV would be barmy to sugest this.

That's insane

Am not a HV

But that's insane even compared to some of the HV comments I've heard reported

Thankyou, that is exactly what I said! I won't go into the history, but I will say it is my brother who is probably the gentlest and calmest man I know. He is very upset by this. I have told him that it is utter nonsense and that no HV would have said that and that perhaps he needs to call the HV and tell her what she is suppose to have said.

Oh i also forgot that he said that he was told that social services would be involved if it happened again!

They can change HV if they wish. This 'advice' is out of order.

Belle, it is the mother who told him that the HV said this. I don't actually believe that she did

Don't believe even the maddest HV would say this tbh.

Is sil verrrrry tired?

Is this a 'normal' thing for you sil to come out with? PND comes out in odd ways sometimes.

SIL is very controlled by her parents and this is making life for my brother very difficult at the moment. My brother is very worried and upset by that comment. Tbh they would be absolutely fine if they were able to get on with enjoying their new baby together, but sadly that doesn't look like it will happen. I am worried that SIL has PND, but suggesting that to her myself wouldn't be welcomed.

Hmm, Belle, I honestly haven't been able to get to know her very well. I have tried. I think she is behaving very irrationally at the moment, but I feel her parents are feeding that irrationality iyswim. I think that comment it incredibly strange and not one that someone would 'normally' come out with.

Can you suggest PND to your brother?

It's all very strange and i don't really know what to do to help, apart from being there for my brother when he needs to talk and reassure him. I don't live nearby so can't physically go and help (althogh I so wish I could) I'd like to be there for both of them (I do understand what it is like to have a baby for the first time...not easy) but I live 2 hours away and have my own family.

I have suggested it to him and he has to her, but she won't listen. i have now told him to ring the HV and suggest it to her. Maybe she would listen if it was coming from someone who is connected to her.

isn't connected

It's just really sad. All i want is for them both to be enjoying that lovely, gorgeous new baby

They will get there, it's important that they get the support that they need though. The HV can help.