is it wrong to reward children for clearing their plate???

[onebadbaby]

Is it just me ... or do others think that it wrong when my four year old is rewarded with a sticker if she has a "clean plate" ? (This is at school, not home)

All children are given a standard portion of lunch, regardless of age or size. My daughter is only four and very petite with it, therefore, in my eyes she shouldn't be encouraged to eat it all. She has only managed it once, but I don't like the thought of her stuffing as much in as she can each day just to get a sticker (and she loves stickers).

At home she would be praised if she finished her meal, but I know her appetite, and give her a suitable portion for her size.

Why can't they give stickers for other things at lunch time?? eg. using a knife and fork correctly, making a healthy choice etc...

Should I complain?? Or am I being a controlling mother??

DS is only 2, but I agree with you. IMO this encourages them to override their natural appetite and they will end up finding it more difficult to know when they are full or not- possibly leading to overeating and obesity.

Your ideas of praising good manners etc sound much better.

I have no experience of school things yet so no idea if you should complain or not. I would be tempted to mention it to someone though.

No, I agree.

DD's are also petite and small of appetite (unless it's dayglo in colour and quite obviously on my scowl-at list - then they have the stomachs of kings) and I'd be loathe to have it impressed on them that finishing up is the be all and end all.

I'd rather see the school discourage waste by offering small portions of multiple options, so they can take little by little according to appetite.

Thankfully, in DD's school, this appears to be the case - fruit and salad bar, and bread basket to supplement the meal, so when they take school lunches I know they'll eat what they need to.

It might be worth raising informally next time you're at a parent/teacher thing, but depends how often DD is at school lunches.

She has school dinners every day, and I think she has got slightly chubbier since she started school. There are healthy options, but DD loves her cake, and she is a carb fan... and I wouldn't expect a four year old to make healthy choices for herself at that age..

TBH I don't understand why school meals have to include choices that are unhealthy.. I don't give her the choice of cake or fruit at home.. ???

That is really awful IMO. I have read a lot about protecting children from eating disorders and one thing that is said over and over is that you should involve neither reward nor punish in eating. You are not "good" if you finish or "bad" if you don't, nor are you "bad" if you feel like eating lots.

My work colleague puts her adult weight problems down to being forced to finish her food as a child.

I would personally complain - but I have very very strong feelings about this matter and realise that other people do not!

I agree and I would complain. In our house we have a "some of most" rule which means that in order to get pudding the LO's have to eat some of most of the things on their plate. So they have to eat some veg, some potatoes some meat for example. For me it's about encouraging a varied diet rather than finishing it all and if they try something new and don't like it then they'll be praised for trying it.

I also let them serve themselves whenever possible as they are better judges than me of how hungry they are and they are more likely to eat it all/most of it then - I'm surprised the school don't take that approach tbh.

I was raised with the idea that leaving food on your plate was wasteful and ungrateful, but imo it's wasteful anyway if you eat for the sake of eating and it's also greedy if you think about it!

Personally I WOULD complain and would suggest a sticker for eating some of most, using knife and fork and drinking water instead.

I would have a huge issue with this.

My children have always (despite very healthy diets) bordered on being overweight.

DD will sometimes eat everything on her plate and other times she won't touch it.

I have a strict "one meal" policy. What goes on their plates is all that's on offer for that meal. If they don't finish it or don't want it, no problem, but they know not to ask for anything until the next mealtime.

My kids would definitely respond to a reward by over-eating. Rewarding empty plates is actively encourage children to avoid self regulation when it comes to food.

Bad. Bad. Bad