Stress in children

[MillyR]

My DS is really stressed and I do not know what to do about it. He has been upset ever since starting secondary school. At first he had stomach and headaches and was crying on the way to school. Now he has a constant nervous habit of licking his mouth so that it is swollen all the time. He is constantly irritable or upset and isn't eating much.

There is nothing actually wrong at school. Nobody is being mean to him but he is very shy. He is just finding it really difficult since he moved and is constantly worried that he will forget a book or make a mistake in the school routine and get a comment in his planner. Sometimes he has someone to stand with at break and sometimes he doesn't.

I think I am going to tell the school, as it has been going on for such a long time. But what can they do when there isn't anything really wrong apart from DS finding it all overwhelming. If I take him to the doctors, will they do anything?

He was the same on starting primary, and the teachers thought he had autism, but he was full of confidence by the time he left primary. There is a massive change in him since September.

Tell the school - there are so many non teaching staff at school that are there for support. Also they may be a bit more understanding with him if they know that there is a problem.

Does he get a chance to relax enough? I mean no homework, no chores, just a chance to do something he loves to do? Does he excercise? Both these things help with decreasing overall stress.

Have you gone through everything with him? Ie - what would happen if he got a comment in his book..etc

Is there anything you can do to encourage more friendships?

Does he know that he can get past this - he did it before when he was much younger, so he has the ability to do it again.

Those are all good suggestions. I have gone through the planner issue tonight and talked about how it really doesn't matter if he gets a comment in his book and that he doesn't have to be perfect all the time.

He is relaxing by having old friends over and playing lego. He has not been exercising because it is too dark to go out by the time he gets in, so isn't playing out on his bike, which is what he does in better weather. I could take him out with me and the dogs at the weekend to walk though.

I will have to try and think about the friendships - I don't want to invite new kids around at the moment because the house is full of builders. I may try and get some round in the holidays though.

Thanks for replying - it makes me feel more positive to have some practical ideas.

He is anxious by nature. I was thinking of getting him to go to a climbing wall each weekend to replace scouts which he gave up.

I might try and get him to do the doll thing with his younger sister, as there is no way he will do anything like that with me!

Yes! I used to have a set but they were mauled by dogs. I am sure there will be a shop locally that will sell them.

MillyR - Poor lad. I think the change from primary to senior school is the most stressful time in the whole childhood thing.

For the lips coat them with vaseline at night and buy him a Neutrogena chap stick or ten and stick them all over the place, bag, blazer, pencil case etc.

Buy some see through folder wallets from Rymans in lots of different colours and mark each one up with a subject (red maths, light blue geog, dark blue english, yellow chemistry etc) and colour in a copy of his timetable to match. Keep text and exercise books for each subject inside the coloured folder. Each evening he then just needs to pack his bag with the colour folders to match the timetable colours for the next day.

And ALL boys must always have a spare pencil case in their bag containing the basic essentials. It also means they can be helpful when someone else forgets their pencil case.

He should go to bed early as it is totally exhausting taking in a whole new school. Lots of lovely things to eat and he's not too old for lots of cuddles.

Swedington, these are all sensible suggestions. I did buy a neutrogena stick which went missing within a few hours and I was then annoyed. Your suggestions get rid of a lot of the problem of DS potentially losing or forgetting things by simply making them easier to find.

I am so glad that I posted about this as I can see now that there are things that I can do about it.

it is a massive transisition to senior school and does take a long time to settle in for some. There is the increase in homework,organisation....bigger expectations from school.Is he in a slightly perfectionist background....from mum and dad(meaning that in a nice way...do you have high expextations from him)I am saying that because my mum had high expectations of me and it was difficult to live up to.

DS1 found the transition difficult...he used to cry and then he would say,i have no time to be a child anymore and it used to make me feel so guilty