I am grabbing 5 mins whilst my DD1 is asleep. Am home from hospital for the first time in days to spend some time with her. Basically what happened is this: DD2 has had a cough I've been concerned about since Jan, mostly at night. Have been to GP several times & virtually been accused of being a fussy mother, nothing to worry about etc. A week ago on Sat she developed a very croupy cough, barking etc and by the evening her breath sounded very heavy. I rang the out of hours dr and we ended up being taken into hosp where she was given steroids for what they thought was croup. She was given 6 doses of 3 diff types of steroids but her breathing didn't improve. They transferred us to another hospital on Tues where there are ENT paediatric specialists. On Wed night she was struggling so much with her breathing they transferred her to intensive care. On Thurs they took her into theatre to do an endoscopy. They were reluctant to as they knew her windpipe was very swollen but decided they would need to put a breathing tube in etc. They found a severe infection but nothing else as it was all too red and swollen. They are thinking she may have an underlying structural weakness, possibly a floppy larynx which has meant the chest infection was so dangerous. They were going to bring her round from sedation today (she has been under since Thurs) but windpipe is too swollen still so too risky so they will review tomorrow. They are using the size of breathing tube they would normally use on a newborn (she is 16 months old) and it is still really tight. Hopefully the antibiotics will really kick in and she can be woken up and have the tube removed tomorrow. They will then do a barium swallow and possibly another endoscopy or look further down at a later date. I feel a bit as if my head is spinning. Just over a week ago we were living a normal life and I was complaining about what hard work it is to look after two babies. In the last week I have held my daughter down whilst they have tormented her, taking blood, repeated cannulas, nebulisers that have terrified her.... Handing her over to the anaethetist on Thurs was the hardest thing I have ever done. I literally felt as if someone was ripping my insides out. And we have our other DD at home. DH is sleeping at home and I am at hosp so we can try and give her some sense of normality. My parents are looking after her and DH's parents have flown back from abroad to help. We are lucky that we have a big support network and that the paediatric staff are wonderful. The consultant even hugged me on Thurs when I was a mess and the surgical team were promising me they would look after her. The anaethetist told me had 3 Dcs of his own and he would take good care of her. They were true to their word because she is still here and I am eternally grateful. I feel so torn though. I feel as if by leaving the hospital something could happen but then I feel guilty for not spending time with DD1 who has been saying 'Mama mama' for the last few days and even kissing a picture of me It has all been so frightening and surreal and I am just longing for an ordinary life. Not really sure why I'm spilling my guts on here other than that in RL I am feeling the need to stay really really strong and positive as that's the only way I'm holding it together. Has anyone else had a similar exp and returned to normal life? How did you cope? What is the best way to get through this nightmare? Thanks