DS, 10, keeps asking whether his tummy is too big, how would you answer?

[Cadelaide]

...because the thing is, you see, he is somewhat overweight. He puts weight on his stomach mainly (just like me) and I do have trouble finding trousers to fit him, his stomach visibly sticks out. Obviously he's aware of this as he asks daily "is my tummy too big Mum?". In the past I've delicately suggested he may need to exercise more and he became so very self-conscious about it.

He does need to exercise more but he's just not a boy who likes to move about much. He doesn't run about at playtime like most of the other boys, he likes to stroll about and chat. He hates sport. We do cycle to school (but he cycles slowly!), and he swims once a week but I find it very hard to get him to go outside and play. I can't make him move about more. What would you do?

How is his diet?

I think he is old enough to start to understand that what we do with our bodies determines to an extent how they look and feel, and to take a little bit of responsibility for it. You could start by telling him about your own tendency to put weight on your tummy area if you don't eat sensibly and exercise.

Lurking with interest, as I have a very stationary and plump daughter...

Like your son, she swims weekly and cycles or walks (strolls, yes!) to school. She also does a dance class and gets hauled out for long walks at weekends. The sole effect seems to be to make her hungrier (oh, and give her a better excuse to sit around reading the rest of the time - 'I've BEEN out and had some exercise [deep martyred sigh] so NOW can I just sit down for a bit?').

She has two skinny, frenetic brothers and a bunch of skinny, frenetic friends. I feel like I'm fighting her slothful nature without ever being able to tell her quite why!

His diet's OK. I'm pretty careful about that, and he's started to take responsibility to an extent. He doesn't eat a huge amount (I have other DCs to compare with), I really do think the answer lies in more exercise.

I just can't seem to find anything we can incorporate into our daily lives that he really enjoys. (Garden too small for trampline, btw). If he goes outside to play with the local gang I will often find him a short while later playing on someone's game console or reading while the rest of them are running about doing something else. I don't think it's because he's overweight and uncomfortable, he's just always been like it. You could say he's the more cerebral type!

Would you agree that I should continue to reassure him that his tummy isn't too big, but that he needs to find some sort of activity he enjoys for life, iyswim?

Lancelottie, yes, you have it exactly.

Poetry, I can encourage attendance of clubs and activities until I'm blue in the face but I can't drag him down the road and make him.

Could you try him with a pedometer?

Disclaimer first - I have no experience of weight/body image issues so this post may be pointless...

Have you tried turning it around, and asking him how he feels about him tummy? If he feels it's too big ask why he thinks that, and maybe ask what he thinks he could do about it? Maybe explain that his shape is generally an inherited thing and that he's got your shape, but if he really wants to he could work to lose it a bit. Make it so that it isn't really his fault (it's yours!!!) but that he does have some control over it if he chooses.

Thanks for all your replies.

pROVINCIAL lADY, YOU'VE JUST GIVEN ME A GREAT IDEA, i COULD GET HIM ONE OF THOSE SPEEDO (oops, caps) gadgets for his bike. He quite likes cycling and it might speed him up a bit!

I'm glad to have inspired a good idea. I checked on Threads I'm On and thought gawd, I'm being shouted at - better look quick and see if I am in trouble

Sorry, I really ought to delete and re-type when that happens.