I really need some advice on how to treat DD1 who may be ill or may be attention seeking.

[artichokes]

DD1 is 2 and 3/4. She is normally bright, happy and energetic (not to mention a little willfull). Last week she caught a weird bug that made her vomit in her bed for three nights in a row. She seemed OK in the daytime (appetite not quite right and a little tearful but mainly fine).

Sine the vomiting stopped she has been a nightmare. Clingy, crying, refusing to eat properly, waking at night, hitting her sister, whining all the time. She also keeps complaining of a stomach ache.

I took her to the doctor who could find nothing wrong and suggested that it was either the tail end of the bug (no vomiting for 5 days now) or attention seeking because she saw how much attention being ill got her.

I am being driven to distraction by her whining. In the minutes I believe it is attention seeking I am quite hard on her. Then I start to worry that the doctor was wrong because surely no two year old could be this manipulative and she is consistently saying its her tummy. What if something is really wrong? When I think this I shower her with attention and cuddles.

So either way I am reacting badly. If its attention seeking I am often rewarding it. If it is illness I am often too hard on her.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?

When mine say they have tummy aches I ask them wt they think ywould make it better?
When the answer is I don't know, or they want to go to bed then I knwo they really are ill. Usually the answer is sweets or some other treat will magically mean the stomach gets better and they get caught out!

She prob is still feeligna bit rough and attention seeking. I'd carry on being firm and keeping an eye on her at the same time.

I have tried asking that and the usual answer is "I don't know" but sometimes it is "CBeebies". However even when i then put on CBeebies she often starts complaing again within 10 minutes. I called her bluff earlier and said sore tummies might get worse with CBeebies and if she wanted to leave the lunch table it would have to be to lie quietly on the sofa. She agreed and is asleep there now .

However, it does all seem worse when her (newish) sister is being held and it is always fine for the first two hours of the day when she tends to have one-on-one attention from me or her Dad.

I just don't know what to do.

aww, poor little girl! I really do think it sounds like a combo of both. She msut be still tired if she is sleeping. Maybe you could give her til Friday and see if she is any better then if not take her back?

Does she point to her tummy when she says it hurts? Sometimes when they are little tummyache can mean headache, backache, tired and don't know what to do with myself!

I think two year old can be manipulative but go on your instincts, if she doesn't seem herself she probably isn't 100% - however if it goes on for a while and doesn't seem to happen when treats are on the horizon I'd be a little suspicious!

She always points to her belly button. But if I press different parts of her tummy and ask where it hurts she never finds any part painful.

You are probably right, it's probably a combo. But that makes me worry about what could cause such a longstanding tummy ache. Also if it's a combo how do I treat it? Do I give her loads of attention and allow her to skip meals?

If she skips a meal fair enough but don't let her then have snacks until the next meal, it's an easy way to control us as most parents are worried when kids stop eating!
Probably just give her the usual amount of attention and if tummyache is mentioned treat it in an offhand way - oh dear that will probably go in ten minutes, can you help me by putting this away? (usually works in our house, tummyache forgotton in the unfairness of having to tidy someone elses mess!)

This sounds like mesenteric adenitis:

link

Obviously I'm not drying to give you a diagnosis over the internet, but if you read the link it might stike a chord with your DDs symptoms.

2 of my DDs have been like this after a viral infection, and it has just gone away after a few days.

Poor you, I feel for you with the not knowing which way to go....personally, I would err on the side of believing her: its hard to pinpoint pain at her age, and even harder to describe it. Its also totally normal to feel 'off' for a few days after a virus (even a week or two, with some, IME) and I always allow for a period of 'convalescent' type behaviour. ie clingy, whiny, moody, off food, sleeping badly etc. After all, adults feel like that when convalescing!

Also, would imagine being woken by the need to vomit in the night must be quite upsetting/disturbing, so would explain her sleep being disturbed for a while after - on top of lingering tummy pains.

If you can manage to hold a mental image of her as not seriously ill but not quite well, it might be easier to tread the 'firm but forgiving/loving' path for the duration - I hate convalescence, mine or the LOs, much more confusing than full-on illness!

Thank you for all your advice. I have just read this thread out to DH who for the first time ever appears to now see why I find mumsnet so useful.

I will try and tread a middle ground with DD1 while bearing in mind what it is like to convalesce. If the symptoms continue I will mention that link to the GP - it does strike a chord.

arti what is her poo pattern like? Pain around the tummy button is often related to bowel stuff - is she going OK? If she's been down on her intake with the bug it might take a few days for her system to get back in the swing of things - I'd make sure she's drinking plenty - though I'm sure you're already doing that

traceface makes a good point - dd2 quite iften says "my bellybutton hurts" when what she really means is "i need a poo."

My dcs are often "weak and pathetic" for about a week after they have apparantly got better from a bout of illness. I would cut your dd a bit of slack and see how she is in a few days time. She may not be feeling completely back to normal yet.

I was wondering about poos Trace. She was potty trained last month and although she poos once a say on the potty they are always smallish pellets. Thinking back to her nappies I am sure they were much fuller and softer. Maybe I should try a teaspoon of lactulose (even though the effects may be scarey without a nappy!).