Would you leave your child on their own in hospital overnight?

[anchovies]

Long term conditions aside, would you take your child to the hospital assessment unit, them get admitted and then you go home?

DS was admitted with pneumonia (he's now home and recovering other than having to go back for IV antibiotics) and I was surprised by the number of parents who went home and left their poorly children in hospital. The wards were massively understaffed but mainly due to the fact that nursing staff were all feeding, changing, bathing babies etc. One mum left her 8 month old dd who had had a convulsion at 4pm (no-one knew she'd gone) and came back at 11 am the next day. The staff had to give her her tea (discussing whether she was on solids), bath her, find her some pjs and nappies, get her to sleep, feed her breakfast etc. Her mum turned up and was complaining that she had been left watching cbeebies!

Found the whole thing very traumatic but maybe I'm missing something?

So what is the point of this thread?

That those of us who don't/didn't leave our children in hospital overnight are better parents?

The Cbeebies thing is where I started to have doubts, Port. It just sounded as though she was complaining about childcare.

It make you think I suppose. Also makes you think about who can help you out in those circumstances.
Nephew had serious episodes of asmtha attacks that he had to be admitted into hospital often. As he got older (6-7 yrs) he figured that if he made it worse or played up to it. He wouldn't have to go to school, he would be centre of everyone's attention, his mum or dad would stay the night, Gran & Aunt would visit with gifts. He played with cool toys and made new friends (what not to like) So my sister figured this out and we came up with a plan. Mum wouldn't visit for two days. Gran & Aunt would arrive after work around 5pm until bedtime then go. My sister explained to the nurse who wasn't happy but agreed. The family in the next bed had a party until 11 o'clock then when they settled down I went to leave. The nurse was really cross with me. She wouldn't have it we were do it for his mental health. Well I know my sister would have caved into pressure so I was glad to do this for her (no kids then) He didn't like the whole exprience and stopped play up. He is now 21 yrs and the asthma has almost disappeared.
You just don't know other peoples private stories.

I left my 12 day old baby in hospital. He would have been younger but I managed to hang on to my maternity bed until then. I had to commute every day for the next 2.5 weeks and then spent the last 4 nights of his stay in hospital sleeping in a parent room. I spent from 6am to 11.30pm every day at his bedside and I was amazed how little time some of the other parents spent with theirs (and I'm not talking about people with other children at home).

This is all new on me. I was in and out of hosiptal all the time as a child - a couple of short stays when 5/6 then months about 11-14.

There was never any suggestion that anyone would stay with us.

TBH it was quite good fun all kids in it together (was a childrens hospital). I have very fond memories of it all (bizarre I know).

Can you now stay up until they're 16 or something or does it vary between hospitals or what is wring with the children? Hopefully DD won't have what I had so I won't have to find out

I wouldn't, but then I have a dh and lots of kind neighbours who would help in an emergency and even family who would come rushing from abroad if I really needed them.

But of course I can imagine scenarios where it might not be possible.

I left my not quite 18 month old dd alone over night in hopital afte heart surgery.

Dh and I stayed in a room with her the night before the op. After surgery first she was in ITU, then HDU - can't stay in with them there! We had a room in the RonaldMacdonald house (we came from vey far away) When she came out of HDU we judged she was settled and happy with beng left overnight, the nurses seemed fine with it too.

Never ever ever I truly believe that something awful happened to my dd who I did leave alone in the hospital over night when she was 4 weeks old almost 11 years ago .
I have battled ever since to get answers and I am still fighting now . Not going to drag it all up again but I wish I had stayed with her it is my biggest regret.

When my other dd was very ill at 7 weeks old in 2006 I never left her once just the thought of any of my dc been alone on a ward at night fills me with dread .

Not unless I was not permitted to stay or there was some major reason why I couldn't. You'd have to drag me kicking from her though tbh. She was in hospital when she was 4 months old overnight after a D&V bug left her very dehydrated and they said they encourage parents to stay with babies especially. Had a little bed in her room and was fine.

Ds at just 2 was in for four days with Stevens-Johnson syndrome and was in too much pain for us to even put him down most of the time, let alone leave the room. Dd was 10 weeks old at the time and exclusively breastfed. We could not possibly have left him - so we all pretty much moved in to the hospital en masse.

But it was a complete nightmare, I was really worried about dd picking something nasty up from the hospital, she was sleeping in a pushchair in the corridor for naps. Dp stayed with ds overnight (sharing his bed - he literally couldn't be left without someone holding him, and he's normally a confident boy - and being woken up with the constant alarms all the time) while I went home with dd 11pm-7am. Lovely PIL left work, came up from afar, and stayed in a hotel to give us extra pairs of hands and it was still really difficult. And this was only for 4 days.

All the way through I was thinking this must be so, so, so hard for people without family support and single parents, what an impossible situation to be put in.

Should add that I didn't have a choice. Horrible senior midwife tried to boot me out the day after I was told ds wouldn't make it through the night. Told one of the consultants that I would sleep in my car and got a reprive (sp?) for a few more days.

dd2 had bronchiolitis at 4 weeks, and I went home for 2 hours while she was apparently asleep and fine, to pack a case and because it was dd1's 3rd birthday: I wanted to see her if only for an hour to cut cake, open pressies etc.

When I got back, there was a crowd of panicking doctors around her cot...her heart rate had dropped very low, and she was put on C-PAP and moved to HDU. Its taken me two years to recover from the shock, and I've often harangued myself for doing the wrong thing...it was awful. BUT I had no experience, no way of knowing things were going to go badly, the nurses assured me she'd not even know I'd gone (she probably didn't, she was too sick, though I didn't realize it) and that anyway I needed an overnight case.

She was in for a week, and I stayed in the hospital except for a few hours per day when dh would take over, and I would rush home to see dd1 (it was Christmas). I also saw what Blu saw - parents of longterm sick babies taking much needed time away. The babies were fine with the nurses, and tbh - from what I observed of dd2, so was she. At 4 weeks and ill, I don't think she cared much who was stroking her cheek, and the nurses in HDU were mostly lovely, loving, and very attentive.

But I couldn't stay away all night, personally - I was too scared. I stayed in the Patient's Hospital (perk of HDU) and expressed breast milk every 3 hours, it made me feel better and hopefully helped her.

Once she was back on the ward, in a side room, there was NO way I could leave her - except for a moment when she was asleep (and on monitors). The ward is different from HDU, where you have 24 hour non-stop care and only 2 babies per nurse.

And for all the stories I'm reading on this thread...what a lot some of you have been through.

i spent the first 2 weeks of dd2's life in hospital with her, then left her there for 3 weeks (obviously visiting twice every day - we lived 2 minutes from the hospital)

she was discharged at 5 weeks, but after a week at home readmitted overnight.

i didn't stay. they had made me a bed, but i wanted to be at home with the other two dcs, expressing, as normal, like i had been for the 3 weeks i had left her there before.

i trusted them (they'd kept her alive thus far). i lived round the corner, and i was physically and emotionally exhausted.

i probably wouldn't choose to leave one of them now if it was for a couple of nights or whatever, but that's because it is now out of the ordinary. at the time it was just the way life was.

I was in and out of hospital a lot as a kid, we lived in peterborough and i went to cambridge hospital. I was always left, I loved it, i used to get so excited before i knew i was going in - these were routine non serious ops, I always made lots of friends and loved the nurses who were always lovely. But this was about twenty years ago. tbh, i missed my mum more once i had to start going on adult wards!!

BUT i dont know what I would do, I would probably stay if it was the norm. DS1 is due an op soon, I always thought i would wait till he was asleep, go home and be back early the next day. Now i have read this i will feel like a terrible mum if i do that!!!

It depends on why they are there, how long for, how old etc doesn't it?

I've had two in for tonsils surgery and wouldn't have left them because they were well aware of what was going on and were in pain.

I've had one in many times, for heart and orthopaedic surgery, and for medical reasons, the longest for 9 weeks and as a baby I have left her - although only to go to the parent's accommodation. Also as someone else said in ICU/HDU you can't sleep by the bed anyway and they have 1 to 1 care.

Personally I would do my best not to leave a child on an ordinary ward basically because the staff are often over-stretched and not able to offer the level of attention I would like. That said if you have other children, have little family support or whatever you don't always have the luxury of choice. Who's to judge?

Well put, Saggars.

and hello

DD1[3] gets admitted 3 times a year or so with her asthma and as yet we have never left her overnight. We have left her for 30mins alone in the day while we have done a change over[usually DH brings car with the other 2 dc in and we swap in car park]. I have seen other parents leave children, one lady because her 2yr old had been in hospital form the day she was born and she lived 50mins away with 4 other kids..fair enough. Others I have seen leave young babies admitted that day for over night obs just so they can have some sleep..again up the them. I dont agree with people who dont pass on necessary information to the nurses or provide what is needed[if they are able to obviously]

I couldnt do it even though dd is 9.

However when I was 6 I had to spend 5 weeks in hospital seeing my parents only during visiting hours. Thats just how it was done then.

ah, we sort of had this dilemma. in the end we couldn't have left them though. first time, ds had to stay overnight with a minor complaint when he was 4. it was late, he was tired, i was about 8 months pg and wanted a bed. hosp could only provide thin mattress on the floor, no camp bed luxury! (this was chelsea and westminster as well!) but i ended up staying. was tempted to go home and get a few hours proper sleep though for a split second and there were kids alone on the ward and we knew ds would have been ok.

second time ds was in for 3 nights when he was nearly 5ish after an asthma attack, and dd was very small and exclusively breastfed and wouldn't drink from a bottle or cup. so i just couldn't leave her and of course she wasn't allowed to stay. LUCKILY i have a dp who was able to take a few days off work and stay in hosp overnight with ds. so we swapped over and he went home to rest and nap in the daytimes while i looked after both dcs in the hospital playroom.

it is so so difficult if you are a SP and/or if you have more than one child to look after. so let's not judge people who have to leave their dcs. it's just a nightmare really

Hello Elibean

Hijack alert - how's dd?

Never. DS1 (11) had an overnight stay last year due to a badly broken arm and DH stayed with him (he requested DH).

My DD was in SCBU for just over a week when she was born and I had been discharged 24 hours post-birth and they wouldn't let me stay with her as they didn't have the facilities and couldn't readmit me to PN ward. So reluctantly left her but wouldn't now.