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Children's health

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Original poster

Would you leave your child on their own in hospital overnight?

129 replies

anchovies · 03/03/2009 17:04

Long term conditions aside, would you take your child to the hospital assessment unit, them get admitted and then you go home?

DS was admitted with pneumonia (he's now home and recovering other than having to go back for IV antibiotics) and I was surprised by the number of parents who went home and left their poorly children in hospital. The wards were massively understaffed but mainly due to the fact that nursing staff were all feeding, changing, bathing babies etc. One mum left her 8 month old dd who had had a convulsion at 4pm (no-one knew she'd gone) and came back at 11 am the next day. The staff had to give her her tea (discussing whether she was on solids), bath her, find her some pjs and nappies, get her to sleep, feed her breakfast etc. Her mum turned up and was complaining that she had been left watching cbeebies!

Found the whole thing very traumatic but maybe I'm missing something?

OP posts:

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weblette · 03/03/2009 17:47

Would never have left ds2 on his own during his several admissions as an infant

duchesse · 03/03/2009 17:49

at mother of 8 month old. My sister's 4 yr old was in Intensive care last year with pneumonia. My sister heard two women in hte day room discussing the best way to get your child looked after overnight in hospital- apparently a fake asthma attack is a good one as is a dead cert they'll keep the child in for observation. Am thinking 8 month old fell into that category... Did she even have the convulsion??

muggglewump · 03/03/2009 17:53

No, never, I just couldn't go home knowing she was ill.
She's 7.

Mintyy · 03/03/2009 17:55

I left dd at 8 months with bronchiolitis.

I had a bed next to her cot in a room to ourselves but it was next to the nurses station with the door open so I couldn't sleep as the nurses were chatting.

Also the little girl in the next room was on some kind of machinery and the alarm kept going off all night .

But I could not be moved to another empty room.

So at 2am I told the nurses I was going home for 4 hours sleep, and one of them said "yes, the noise from these alarms is driving me mad too, its just one of those things you have to put up with". I looked at her a bit because presumably she was going home to sleep the next day whilst I had to be up and awake and looking after a sick baby ...

Blu · 03/03/2009 17:56

Having spent time in children's wards for 8 of DS's ops, and have not even gone to the cafe without leaving hi with someone else he knew. But I have observed the following:

Parents of very sick very young babies in long term, who did go home at night to get a good night's sleep and get away from the intensive relentlessness that is long-stay hospital. The nurses knew the babies and they were well looked after. I would do this.

A 9 yo who had been in for months and knew everyone very well - his Mum had 5 other kids and came twice a day, he had his own room - she left him at night, he was fine. I would do that, if child confident.

Parents of 2 yo, who arrived from another town, put him to bed and went off to dinner with the friends they were staying with. The poor child howled all night, DP was trying to cheer him up with teddies, no-one got any sleep, the child's distress was terrible. Parents strolled in about 9.30 the following morning....MY JUDGY PANTS ARE ON and I will not apologise for that!

sarah293 · 03/03/2009 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

desertgirl · 03/03/2009 18:11

blimey, when I was in with 15 month DD last weekend I had to stay in the bed with her, not just the hospital - it was an adult bed with some side protection but not enough to keep her safe....

charlieandlola · 03/03/2009 18:28

I left my 8 week old with bronchiolitis. It was Christmas night, I had been up for 2 nights, there were only 4 other infants on the ward, he was on 1:1 nursing, with 15 minute obs. Came back at 7 the next morning, stayed all day, went home at 7pm, came back for his 10pm feed, then home to bed. I couldn't see the point in my being shattered and unable to care for him when he came home. I can't see any lasting damage from having been left from 10pm to 7am for 5 nights when he was 8 weeks old. Please feel free to judge me as a crap mother if it makes you feel better.

When he broke his arm, last year, I didn't move from his side ( apart to go to the loo).

I think the difference is an 8 month old baby isn't as scared as a 2 year old+, and probably hasn't yet developed separation anxiety.

spicemonster · 03/03/2009 18:33

I didn't leave my DS when he was 8 months with bronchiolitis. It never ever occurred to me. I felt guilty even going to get a cup of tea. He was in an isolation room though so if I'd left him, no one would have heard him cry unless they were doing their rounds.

spicemonster · 03/03/2009 18:35

Incidentally I don't think it's a crap mother thing to do at all when they're babies - it's knackering. At least I had a bed - the number of women I saw (and it was always women) trying to curl up on an armchair next to their kids' beds in the wards was very sobering.

hertsnessex · 03/03/2009 18:38

when my ds2 was in hosp me and dh alternated nights so the other could be at home with ds1. would never leave either of them overnight in a hospital.

UndertheBoredwalk · 03/03/2009 18:40

DD has been in hospital a few times but she was under two at the time, and there was someone with her 24/7 the whole time she was in. Couldn't have even thought of leaving her at that age. She's 8 now, (well she is on Thurs! lol) and if she was in now, I would probably leave her once asleep and come back 1st thing.

UndertheBoredwalk · 03/03/2009 18:42

Oh I'm not talking about going all the way home either, we have a ronald mcdonald house at our childrens hosp, and I've been given a room there each time DD has been admitted, so by leaving her I mean just going there!

spicemonster · 03/03/2009 18:42

Incidentally I was in hospital twice as a child and in those days, mums weren't allowed to stay over. I really missed my mum - I can still remember it! I was 5 the first time and 9 the second.

herbietea · 03/03/2009 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/03/2009 18:51

spice - it's not always women. when my son had surgery on his shoulder at 2 and a half, it was dh who stayed overnight, as I was with ds2. He was not the only father trying to get comfy in there!

hannahsaunt · 03/03/2009 18:59

Dh's consultant in paeds surgery was known to admit children and send their mums home for a rest - he recognised that there are times when although the child may not strictly need admitted for urgent medical attention but there were situations out there that he could do a little to alleviate and allow the mum a break for a night.

spicemonster · 03/03/2009 19:01

Hecate - there were only women staying over at the hospital my DS was at for 4 nights but it's good to know that it's not always - it's not a fun job and it definitely should be shared!

KingCanuteIAm · 03/03/2009 19:01

How on earth do you know that the mother of the 8mo did not have 4 or 5 more kids at home who needed her? There is nothing to say she was not a SP who had no other choice! As for not telling anyone, who said she didn't? In an understaffed ward is it so surprising that a message would not get passed on? I have known people move out of a ward to intensive care and the nurses on the original ward were unaware of the move

Please don't stick your judgy pants on without knowing the facts, not everyone has the same options as you.

FWIW, my decision about staying in hospital would have to be based on the situation in the hospital and at home - I am a single parent and I have more than one child who needs me....

KingCanuteIAm · 03/03/2009 19:04

Oh, sorry, I meant to say, when my dd was admitted as a tiny baby (with a real asthma atttack) I wanted to stay. The nurses contacted social services who confirmed that they would be quite willing to put my other children in emergency foster care so as I could do that.....

There is no practical help or support for these situations out there if you do not have family/friends available.

ben5 · 03/03/2009 19:08

we left ds2 in hospital. he spent most of his first 6 months in hospital and i had another child and a husband away in the navy and family who all had jobs and couldn't always help. i needed to go home to sleep or i wouldn't of been able to function.

PortAndLemon · 03/03/2009 19:09

When DS was in at a month old I had to stay with him (even though I was ill myself with the same thing he'd been hospitalised with and he was hooked up to alarms that kept going off every 20 minutes (because he would wake up and kick them off, rather than because there was an actual problem)) because I was breastfeeding (and DH was away). I think I got about an hour of sleep each night. I didn't even leave the room unless I had a visitor there (well, I think I did pop across the corridor to the loo a couple of times).

I would always stay if I could, until the children are older, I think.

Not necessarily unreasonable to leave the 8 month old, but hospital staff should have been told and she shouldn't have had the cheek to complain about Cbeebies.

mankymummy · 03/03/2009 19:11

never. not a child.

orangehead · 03/03/2009 19:22

No I wouldnt. My ds also had pneumonia and was in for a week. But there was another little boy in at the same time about 6 years old, his mum had two younger children, she was single and lived one hours drive from hospital and she didnt drive and had no family near by. She and her younger children stayed all day every day at the hospital and none of them except the patient given any food. At night her and her two other children stayed in a hotel down the road. I felt so sorry for her and so grateful I have lots of help. But that mum sounds a bit different in that case.
Hope your ds ok and making a full recovery

SnowlightMcKenzie · 03/03/2009 19:28

I was in hospital age 4.4, and left overnight for two nights. I had 3 younger brothers and one of them was in different hospital at the time for a similar operation. My Dad was away from home.

Clearly my mum could not stay with me.

I had a whale of a time. It was an adventure.

Having said that, I wasn't very ill and my mum was there whenever anything was 'done' to me.

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