DD thinks she is too ill for school, and while I agree she is poorly

[KatyMac]

I think she should go to school as she isn't that ill

So I have said if she decides to stay off she can
Stay in her bedroom
No TV
No DS
No visits downstairs to see the childminded children

She (& her dad) has said I am being mean - I think it's an acceptable compromise as I think being at home is 'easier' than being at school

btw she is 1 & in Yr6

That would be
btw she is 11 & in Yr6

Ahhh Katie thats harsh- if shes at home and not contagious let her downstairs - she cant last a day without jeremy kyle and fern.

I used to be quite strict if the children were ill but its awful to lay in bed alone and poorly,even my doctor reccomends the sofa and a duvet.

fair enough.
If you're ill then you should be in bed getting better

I'd send her to school....

I would let her watch tv upstairs or read books but not downstairs just because I think if you make it fun to be at home ill they will do it more than they need to.

I had to collect DS from school yesterday morning at around 10 as he said his tummy hurt and he had been to the nurse twice. Once home he was bouncing around, wanting to go on the computer, play Playstation etc. I almost took him back to school.

Then from around 12 till 4pm he had the runs. Between toilet stints he was still bouncing around though!

So I would say you are a little harsh - esp as you agree she is poorly.

Let her have the day off. If she is poorly maybe she just needs a day at home resting. She is a child, she has her whole life to work her way through illnesses.

If she is really poorly then you should cancel your mindees and look after her
If she isn't then she should go to school

Agree- not good to pass on to other kids, so room only. You don't need to make her feel naughty for being sick though just because you are peed off at the inconvenience...apols if I'm wrong, but that's how you're coming across.

If she decides? Don't you decide that bit?

If my ds is claiming illness, I do also say that I'm going to be doing housework all day, and no tv and he suddenly feels well enough. I then maybe give him a dose of calpol and take him in. I agree with you re staying upstairs. If she really is ill, you don't want her drooping all over the other kids, but personally I wouldn't leave the decision to her, otherwise when she's 14, can you imagine how often she'll be decidimg she's too ill?!

If you think she's ill, fine, but if she's ok really, send her in.

But then I am heartless. I was never cosidered ill enough to be off school, until 1 day my mum let me stay off, and I really thought I must be dying, cos my evil mother never kept me off

She is off school all the time at the moment

I no longer can judge if she is ill or not

When I put my foot down & send her to school 'apparently' they don't believe her if she says she is ill & won't phone me

For the last 2 days she has been 'ill' until about 11 then started playing around

I wish they came with an error message for when they are ill

she's off a lot then, and doesn't actually seem ill, and when she claims illness at school they don't believe her? Maybe she isn't then? I guess school see a lot more poorly kids, and have a lot more experience with fakers too?

My philosophy is...if a child tells me 'I don't think I can go to school' they probably can. Its when they don't mention school, I know they are really ill.

oh GOD yes if they are too ill to go to school they are in bed. AT least for half the day.

lol maidamess - that's great - apart from when your vomitting, chest infection (as diagnosed by the Dr) on antibiotics child gets up and starts putting their school uniform on.......and then throws a strop when you say they're not going to school (DS1 - strange child ).

It's always confused me slightly this idea that if they're ill they must be in bed.

I wonder how many adults, who are genuinely too ill to be at work all day, spend the whole day in bed??

with regards to the OP - if she's not vomitting or got the runs - then I'd send her

I do stay in bed all day if I am too ill to work - normally because I can't stand up

DD was constipated for 5 days threw up Tuesday night/Wed morning had syrup of figs yesterday for the constipation - pooped all day & all night & her peak flow is low

I just can't judge any more

She was off the whole first week of term with very bad thrush plus Wed/Thurs/Fri - she has hardly been at school this term

You see Ive been here more than once sending kids to school poorly then had to go collect them cos school said they were poorly.

One of my first posts on mn was regarding ds1 whose brother(ds2) had had a tummy upset the day before id kept him off school,ds1 'seemed' ok tho was saying he wasnt up to school - no temperature no bad tummy so i sent him,halfway through the morning he felt ill asked to go to the toilet teacher refused and he knew he needed to go (bad tummy) rushed out- was sick in the loo then had an upset tummy on the loo....went back to class pale and shakey for the teacher to bawl him out in front of the whole class - how embarassing for him ,the teacher gace him an hour long detention after school on friday which needless to say he didnt do [grr].

Katy are the pressure of yr 6 sats hitting her? is she unhappy at school? are the symptoms the same?

Whilst I do let my children stay down if they are poorly(ds2 hs m.e and bed is where he wants to be if hes ill)i do say are they poorly enough to see our rather strict doctor.

Hmm, it sounds like there may me something else going on in that case. I would send her in unless it is Very Obvious. If she is that unwell, school will send her home. Back to the GP I think for a general MOT, and then consider the impact of school stress and speak to school. The last thing you want is a case of school refusal for unaddressed emotional reasons- this can be a tough nut to crack once it gets a grip.

It's worrying to me that you have lost confidence in your judgement- why is this do you think?

Also, what about your husband? You need to get him on board with whatever strategies you put in place, or there's a bit of a risk of Divide And Rule!

I've lost my judgement because I know how crap I feel (different but equally long list of illness) so I know how hard it is to work/go to school when you aren't 100% but sometimes you have too

DH is just a softy

I think fair enough - DSD went through a little spate of somewhat spurious illnesses which I had to collect her from school (most turned out to be wind) - they stopped after I said she had to go to bed on the last time I traipsed to school to get her. She spent the afternoon in bed (I let her read and watch TV) but was thoroughly bored, and her 'illnesses' cleared up in no time

Katy, what are the school like with dealing with htis?

If your dd went, would they notice if she wasn't coping and call you? (and would you be able to go collect?)

I am firmly in th camp of going to school and soldiering on unless really ill.

A cautionary word: my stepdaughter is 19, and has always been let off school for even the slightest runny nose/headache.

She still oes the same now, at college.

Every month she has 3 days off as her period arrives (and please believe me when I say she is not in any particular agony - she quite often takes days off because she thinks her period might be about to start...)

She has already lost 2 (casual) jobs through too many abscences (sp?), and I cannot see how she will ever hold on to one given how often she takes time off.

A few days of being sent to school when mildy under the weather might just have taught her that sometimes, life does need to carry on...

A cautionary tale indeed...