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Children's health

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Original poster

child on regular medication - how much do you tell them?

20 replies

threestars · 28/12/2008 23:51

DS (age 4) is to start regular medication on Tuesday for a mild heart condition as a preventative measure. He'll be given his first dose in hospital where they'll observe him for side-effects for a couple of hours and then we're up and running.
His father takes the same medication for the same condition.

The thing is, DS doesn't know he has this condition. When we visit GOSH, we say "to make sure you're fit and healthy" and dd gets checked over too.

DH thinks we should just say they're vitamins to make him strong. He doesn't want ds or anyone ds speaks to, to think he's weak/poorly. He doesn't want ds thinking he can't do something before trying, or be worrying that he has something wrong with him. I agree I don't want him to worry, especially since our 2nd child was stillborn due to heart problems.

But I feel a bit uneasy about 'fibbing', as he'll have to know the truth one day, and I'd be horrified if he ever gave a tablet to a friend because he was told it was a vitamin.

If your young child is on medication, how much do they know about it?

OP posts:

MatNanPlusTINSEL · 28/12/2008 23:54

Why not just tell him the doctors are giving him some medication to keep him fit and well.

At his age he will hardly spread it around and if he is hurt and is asked by a nurse/paramedic if he takes anything he will be honest with them.

Pawslikepaddington · 28/12/2008 23:54

I don't have a dc on medication, but instead of fibbing could you not tell him that it is medicine to give him a good strong heart? I.e. don't tell him there is anything wrong with his heart, but at the same time you are not covering anything up. That way you are not telling him it is weak, but also not telling him they are vitamins IYSWIM.

lisad123 · 28/12/2008 23:57

little experience of this, but not heart condition.
We explained to dd1 she had special medicine for her tummy so it didnt get poorly.
Could you explain that the medicine will make it better and therefore has no reason to not try iyswim? I dont agreeing with lying to children tbh, we tell them its wrong and if possible i think its best to be truthful. You might be surprised, kids are pretty good/better than adults at taking things in their stride. hth

Original poster

threestars · 29/12/2008 11:26

I guess the answer was staring me in the face!
Thanks for your suggestions.

OP posts:

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 29/12/2008 11:35

threestars - my dd has taken regular meds since she was 3 months old. I suspect one of them is the drug your ds is starting on. It's a little different for us because it's something she's always done, not something being introduced to a questioning 4 year-old.

She has asked questions though obviously and we have gone along with the 'medicine to keep you healthy' line whilst emphasising as she got older that they are her tablets and wmay make other children poorly. Good luck with the introduction.

needmorecoffee · 29/12/2008 11:37

dd has had regular meds since birth and she's now 4.7. I just tell her that they stop her having fits. Don't know how much she 'gets' to be honest but she knows they taste yucky and starts crying when she sees the syringe.

JumpingJellyfish · 29/12/2008 13:21

I agree with the others that the "to keep you healthy" explanation is a good option. DD has been on lots of meds since 7 weeks old so it's a bit different for us, but she has an older brother who at 3.8yrs asks questions- why he doesn't need the meds to keep him healthy. So we have had to explain that everybody is different and some people needs medicines that others don't (also to explain that her meds are not suitable for him), and he can now say to others that his sister takes special medicine as she has cystic fibrosis. Of course he doesn't undertand the full implications of this but we will keep gradually explaining things at their level as wouldn't want to pretend otherwise- think open and honest with children at a level appropriate for the development is best. We never by the way use the term "poorly" (though do day if he takes her medicines it could make him sick as they're special ones for her CF)!

whoops · 29/12/2008 13:26

Ds is 7 and started on medication in October, he is now on several types and we told him why he is on the different drugs, also at the moment while they are trying to get the right balance they dosage is changing and he does notice so we do tell him that it has changed and also one drug didn't work and it was changed so we told him this too. We felt it important that he knew why he was taking this as it is going to be something that he will have to do for the rest of his life

Scarletibis · 31/12/2008 12:04

DD is nearly 6 and is currently on medication - will be for 6months to a year. She knows it has made her tummy pains go and has helped her rash but we haven't explained the full reason for it

she seems to have taken it in her stride for now.

Blu · 31/12/2008 12:09

threestars - my DS is going through a year of treatment fo bone-lengthening and is on non-stop medication and also lots of quite daunting procedures...have to dash off now (hospital apt!!) but am posting here so that I can find the thread later as have some experiences to do with empowering children on long-term treatment and how much, what and when you tell them......

Original poster

threestars · 31/12/2008 14:55

thanks everyone.
we went to the hospital yesterday for the first dose, and they didn't have the correct mg in the pharmacy. They've got to send off for it, so he has a reprieve for a few days.

Seemed relaxed though

OP posts:

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 31/12/2008 15:02

threestars - is he having an ACE inhibitor, Captopril or similar? Bit off bringing you in and then not having it in.

Blu · 31/12/2008 16:12

Hi threestars, personally, I would be as truthful as possible, right from the start. I am very sorry to hear about your dc2, and can completely understand why worry is at the forefront of your own mind. But I think children are often far more worried by things they feel are being witheld, than with the truth. If you allude or hint about things, they imagine something which is too awful to be told. If your child understands that it is something that helps his own particular heart to be strong and work properly, and that it's exactly the same thing that keeps his dad healthy, and crucially, that the people he depends on most believe that it is the right thing for him to do, then he will enter into taking his medication with a sense of ownership and responsibility, and feel confident about it.

My friends child has been anaphalactic-shock level alergic to many things since she was a baby, but since she was 3 she has been very aware and responsible about what she eats, and about following protocols, and because SHE feels a level of ownership and responsibility for her own health, she has never resented not being able to eatbirthday cakes etc.

Likewise, my DS is going through a pretty confronting bone-lengthening procedure. Of course we could never have hid that, but his consultant talks in the most upfront manner in front of him about what she will don in operations etc - all the parents of her child-patients laugh at her apparant lack of any bedside sensitivity - but all agree that it actually helps the children trust her. For 2 months we had to turn screws that pulled wires through DS's leg further apart to lengthen the break in the bone. It was painful, but we taught 6 yo DS to do it himself, and because he felt more knowledgable and in control, it was far easier for him to get through.

Of course you need to be constructively matter of fact about the benefits of the medication, and not dwell on the potential effects of not taking it, but ime 'over-reassuring' has the oposite effect - if you re-assure a child, they can quickly become worried that there is something tobe re-assured about - iyswim.

I hope it all goes well.

Blu · 31/12/2008 16:15

Yes - sorry about your wasted trip.

But I think that's whay you need to be honest from the start, if you will have regular hospital appointments - even 4 yos are well aware that vitamins donot require hospital visits! Also, he will hear lots of medical talk, so will start to listen, and be very anxious if he feels you are not telling hi the truth.

KerryMumbles · 31/12/2008 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

threestars · 02/01/2009 09:26

Saggars, it's carvidilol (sp?) that he's starting on.
Blu, thank you for your advice. Your son's procedure sounds gruelling and it sounds as if you've helped him cope so well.

DH wants just to talk about being 'fit and healthy', but I feel now that I do need to mention his heart. DH I think, feels some sort of guilt because it seems this is hereditary, but of course it couldn't be helped and we didn't know about it until after DS2.
I did advise his teacher of the condition before he started school. After his first week at school ds said to me "when I run my heart feels funny" which I must say made me anxious, as his condition is supposed to be mild so he doesn't feel the symptoms, although it could have been his teacher asking him if his heart was ok.
Which means I really need to talk about it clearly with ds, doesn't it?
Yes KM, definitely won't be going down the vitamins route.

OP posts:

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/01/2009 10:24

threestars - it has very good results and I'm sure he'll do just fine on it. I think on the whole that dads handle things differently to mums so your dh isn't alone in that.

I post on the message board at Heartline. Join us if you feel you need more support. I'm possibly jumping to conclusions but I'm thinking your ds has a form of cardiomyopathy. You don't need to say either way - but if so there's a mum on the board with 3 boys who all have it in varying degrees and I know she'd be happy to chat.

ra29 · 04/01/2009 22:19

threestars,
my son also has a heart condition and is doing really well.
I really believe that you should tell him the 'truth' but in a low key way. you said he has a 'mild' heart condition- tell him that. I think if you explain what exactly is wrong and say it in a matter of fact way and that that is why he has the medicine - to keep his heart and him working well- that it won't worry him too much. You'll have to tell him one day anyway and it might not really mean anymore to him than taking antibiotics for a throat infection etc. If he is anxious about it then you can deal with that too but as ling as you keep it low key I don't think he will be and if he is anxious already then it might be a relief .

eidsvold · 04/01/2009 22:31

my dd1 has to take thyroid medication - she was 6 but has sn when she started taking it. We told her it was a tablet to help her body working properly.

As she has two younger siblings we also stressed that this medication was for her only. She was not to share it at all cause it would make the other girls very sick.

You could talk about how he is just like daddy and this is what he has - in language he can explain. Therefore this medication will help to keep him as well as possible.

Dd1 now gets her tablet and takes it without quibbling in the morning.

Our dd2 and 3 have a chance of inheriting what dh has. When I had to take dd2 to be checked out to see if she did have it. I just told her that daddy had a heart that needed looking after a little more than other people. That we were going to have her heart checked out to make sure it was all okay. Thankfully it was with dd1's cardiologist so dd2 knew him and was very comfortable with the whole thing.

Original poster

threestars · 05/01/2009 22:42

Thanks.
He asked today why he has to have the horrible tasting medicine (as opposed to tasty Calpol). I reminded him that daddy has tablets every day, just as he has medicine, to keep him fit and healthy. He said "don't you mean fat and healthy? ". Then started laughing to himself.
I suppose I have been more anxious than he is.

OP posts:

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