5.10 yr old - wetting accidents. What do i do now?

[pageturner]

OK, there's a bit of a backstory here but I will try to be brief!

Ds2 is 5.10 now. We started toilet-training when he was 3, but in the fairly early days he had a couple of serious bouts of d&v and he never seemed to get right again. A number of GP and hospital visits later, we managed to diagnose (when he was nearly 4) an intolerance to nightshade family foods, which is various things like aubergine, but the main things are potato and tomato. We cut these out of his diet and in two weeks his bowel action was normal and a few weeks after that the toilet training thing started to improve dramatically.

Now, the big mistake that we made in the early period is that we didn't put him back into nappies - we were advised to persevere - but obviously, because of the (at the time) unidentified intolerance he was having real problems with toileting. But after we cut out the potato and tomato, things got a lot better, though he was never completely dry and needed lots of reminders to go to the toilet. When he went to school (Sept 07) he had a couple of big accidents in the first term, but now he just seems to have little accidents all the time. They're rarely a complete flooding, but pretty much every day there's something. He's getting sore and it smells , but no matter how much we talk about it and I remind him, it's just not getting any better. He gets cross if I prompt him to go and usually says he's already been. He leaves it until the last minute to go and is often too late. But if there is an accident he's so upset and so sorry.

I just don't know what to do now, we seem to be stuck in a rut. I explain, he says he'll try harder and it'll stop. But he also says he can't help it and sometimes he can't stop it coming (this is only wee, btw). We've talked about going to the doctor about it, but I'm not sure it's an infection because he never has an accident at night. We've had a million sticker charts, I don't think they work for him anymore.

I tried to relax about it this year and thought it would just get better. I remember DS1 having little wee accidents in his first year or so at school, but he just seemed to grow out of it. So now, I've run out of ideas and lost all perspective.

Any suggestions? I'm desperate!

Desperate bump!

Sorry this is happening

Not sure what to advise, but wanted to respond. DD1 has had periods of wetting (same as you describe) up until recently - but they have been phases rather than everyday. She seems to have come through it now - she started Rec in Sept and has just turned 5

The ONLY thing that ever got her out of a phase of wetting was to COMPLETELY IGNORE it happening - ie, make no fuss, no comment ("You're wet? Go and get changed then", end of) and let her sort herself out. Reminding, nagging, 'understanding', praising being dry, moaning about being wet, sticker charts, you name it - it didn't work

Hope it improves for you. Would it be worth ruling out infection just in case?

Thanks for replying, notnowbernard. That's interesting about the ignoring, it's exactly what I try to do when I'm feeling positive about him sorting it out himself. But then it gets worse again and I get sad/frustrated/worried and don't respond as well. I just wish it would stop.

Maybe it's not so rare: I read in school and actually, quite a few of the boys have that slight wee smell. Maybe it's just the same thing for DS2 but he's got a few more hangups because of what we went through before. i don't want him to have a lifetime of toilet ishoos either!

Glad you're DD has improved though.

My ds2 (5yrs) has also been having problems with this. His Paediatrician gave us some good advice which might also be relevant for your ds:

One problem is that sometimes children don't empty their bladder fully when they go to the toilet. That's when you get the situation where you ask your ds if he's been and he says yes but then wets himself soon after. (Mine does this too). The Paed advised encouraging my ds to stay in the toilet longer and give him something to aim at, eg ping pong ball or something else that floats. They like the idea of trying to sink the object so stay there and try to wee for longer.

Another possibility is that because the bowel is so close to the bladder, if he's having any problems there then this can affect the working of the bladder. So if your ds is having any problems with pooing as well then it's worth trying to sort that out first. (My ds also has constipation) This might not be relevant to your ds of course.

Ooh, just remembered some good advice I got from Sidge on here a little while ago:

Does he drink enough? Apparently they need to have really full bladders to get used to the sensation of really needing a wee

I was concerned that dd didn't drink enough (side issue). And that not drinking enough may have been why sometimes she leaked a little bit (not full-on wetting, but a small bit that she could notice and get annoyed about - also used to make her a bit sore)

Just another thought!

Thank you coppertop. I might try a pingpong ball: we had one of those stickers that change colour when you wee on them, but weirdly, he hated that. He has recently started standing up to wee sometimes, having always been a sit-downer, which I took as a good sign that he was maybe feeling more confident about the whole business. But still the accidents.

In general, the bowel thing is fine now, as long as he doesn't eat tomato (we were able to reintroduce potato after about a year). Though occasionally something irritates it, often sweetcorn, if he has too much, and there is a horrible explosion. In fact, this happened on Sunday and he had had a couple of bad wetting accidents in the 24 hour period before. He's back to 'normal' now though: normal poos and small wettings.

God, I'm confused!

Thanks NNB. I think he does drink enough, he always helps himself to drinks. Trouble with school is, I don't know what he's having there. Thanks for the thought though.

I think I might apply the ignore routine over Christmas (if I can get DH to co-operate!) and see if that helps. if not, a trip to the doctor in the new year.

But am open to other suggestions!

Good luck with it

thanks!

Any other thoughts?

My DS1 was the same.
He was very late out of nappies and by the time he was 5 he was still weeing his pants every single day and wet the bed most nights. He would come home from school damp and whiffy. He also got cross when I used to nag him.
With the benefit of hindsight and experience I now know he was just a late developer in that department.
Be patient and he WILL grow out of it.
I get the impression this bothers you more than it bothers him? if so try to pretend you really don't mind and take the pressure off him. I'm convinced that the fear of parental disapproval or disappointment makes things worse for the child.
One idea for the soreness is to smear on a layer of vaseline after he is washed in the morning.
My son was dry at night by 6 and the weeing accidents gradually tailored off.I have to say that even at 10 years old he would occaisionally have an accident when larking about or laughing. But once I decided that he couldn't help it,I never made a fuss and he learned to just go change his clothes .
Good luck

i was going to advise ignoringas well. however, i have no experience with daytime accidents. only night time one. second ds was only dry at night aged 6.5 we completelyignored it, and tehn one day, it just happened. he was dry every mronging
. a washingmachine and tumbele drier were my best friends during that time.

Oh, Mumwhensdinnerready, you've given me hope! Yes, it probably does bother me more than him, though he doesn't like it either. But he gets most upset when I'm upset of cross about it . I can go through quite long phases of just ignoring it, but then i get fed up. I know it doesn't help. it's odd that we don't have any problems with nights at all (for which I'm grateful); it feels like his subconscious mind has cracked it, it's just his conscious one that's having a problem. Will ignore, will ignore, will ignore!

Thank you, stitch, I love my w/m and t/d too! I seem to remember the dryer breaking at one point: I feared for my sanity!

Coppertop has given excellent advice. The GP said pretty much the same to me.

Hope he gets better.

Thanks aam. Here's hoping!

Only a practical suggestion - cheerios are good to put in the loo for 'aiming practice'.

I was always worried the pingpong ball would get flushed

Have you checked with gp to see if there could be any underlying problem?

The fact that he gets upset, suggests that he is not doing it on purpose and has no control over it yet, for whatever reason.

I really hope you manage to get this sorted out. Have had the same problem in past with ds with soiling so know what it is like

Hi pageturner. my dd had this problem and she was put on a medicine called oxybutinin when she was nearly 5 and took it everyday, her problem gradualy got beter over a couple of months and then it was fixed. She is now 6 and has not had an accident for about 9 months. She was wetting herself several times a day when she 3 to 4. It was a combination of a small bladder and what was called an incompitent bladder. Anyway please ask your doctor or peaditrician.