Has anyone ever taken their child to a private nutritionist/dietician because of their poor eating?

[Squirdle]

We really need to do something about DS2's eating. He is nearly 6 and has what I think is a bit of a fear of food. Whether this has become learned behaviour or something he has always had, I don't know, but we are struggling now.

I have taken him to see the HV (rubbish) and the GP. The GP weighed him and measured him and said he was a good normal weight and healthy and so his eating wasn't a concern.

Now, I agree with her to a point. DH doesn't. It is causing a huge rift between DH and I because he thinks that DS should eat what he is given and that is that. He gets cross with him every single meal time and tbh I think this is making it worse.
I keep things calm and relaxed at mealtimes and praise when neccesary.

So, I am now thinking of trying to get some help privately. Not just for DS to bein eating properly, but also so that DH and I can be taught the correct way to handle it.

Any advice?

Not really any advice but we're in similar postion. DS1 is 8 and really healthy so i try not to stress out too much. Luckily DP doesn't stress about it either so we don't have that issue.

However there was a useful programme on ITV afew months ago about a dietician form Birmingham who does a lot of work trying to get fussy eaters to start eating normally. it would probably be worth getting your DH to watch it or read a book about this woman (sorry can't remember the details) because the first point this dietician always made was 'relax' and 'stop stressing' as this can make the problem worse.

There was one child who was about two and his mother was so stressed out about it all she actually stood over the poor child every meal time 'encouraging' him to eat. It was painful to watch as she was so stressed it was hardly surprising the little boy didn't want to eat anything. Anyway firs thing the dietician did was tell mother to stop stressing and basically let child eat what he wanted to amke meal times a fun activity not a battle ground. Once meal times became 'fun' and relaxed they could then introduce one piece of food they would like him to try. Again there was no forcing etc etc just small amount left close by. He would be asked if he wanted to try and if he didn't that was fine. Eventually child did start eating more and when he started nursery he ate really well (at nursery).

Unfortunately can't remember the details of this woman but someone else may be along who will.

Having said all that when I'm at my most stressed about it with DS1 I remember that he is realy healthy and never ill so I shouldn't worry too much. I also give him a vitamin a day just to be on the safe side!!

Found a link for the programme here

I do add vitamin syrup to his orange juice. He would NEVER actually take it from the spoon or have a vitamin sweet!

Our GP said to me that DH needs to stop his problems with DS's eating being DS's problems iyswim, but unfortunately DH isn't buying this, but also won't go and speak to the doctor himself. This why I am thinking of specialist help now. At least then DH would have to sit and listen to someone else (ie not me)

Squirdle - Exactly how limited is his diet?

dietician can only talk about nutrition. Maybe counselling. (for your dh)
But if he is a good weight I'd ignore it and never make a fuss. ds1 ate nothing but pasta ketchup and baked beans for years but ow he's 15 he is trying other foods.

Yes there is only one vitamin sweet that he will actually eat and that is only because it's like a wine gum!! (Lots of open unused vitamin packets in my cupboard until i found one he would have!!)

If your DH won't listen to a GP would he actually go to the specialist?? Tbh it does seem like you need to sort out DH before you can make any progress with DS2??

Sorry can't be more help.

The Dr I was talking about is Dr Gillian Harris and she's a child psycoholgist not a dietician.

The woman on the programme you are talking about was a Psychologist not dietitian.

I don't think most dietitians would be able to offer a huge amount of advice about dealing with behaviour/psychological issues with food and eating. Or, they may be able to, but it would not be their remit, iyswim.

It sounds as though your ds would benefit from more psychological approach rather than advice on diet and nutrition.

Ps. My understanding is that anyone can call themselves a 'nutritionist' but dietitians need qualifications and registration.

If I was paying someone privately, I would want to know that they were qualified and registered to do what they are charging for.

Parents of children who are fussy about food often worry, this anxiety gets communicated to the child. Advice i was given.

1. Remain calm.

1. Your ds will not starve, he will eat when hungry.

1. Never tell him off for not eating. Just take the plate away when doesnt want to eat.

1. Never force him to eat a specific food. Just makes it worse.

My ds's diet is very limited due to other problems, but he is a healthy weight.

Also serve smaller portions, limit snacks in between meals.

Does sound like it has turned into a bit of a power struggle, young children dont have much control over their life, but they can control what they eat! Your DH really does need to back off. You say he wont visit your GP etc, would he read a book? Lots of good books giving some good advice.

Apparently a child has a tummy about as big as their hand, as do we all till we stretch it with huge meals and takeaways.

When we found that out we chilled a bit becasue we were expecting far too much from dd1, then 2.

Since agreeing that if 3 shells of pasta is lunch if thats what appetite says it is, things have got better. She's 4 now.

Little and often worked too. Wandering about with a bit of something to chew on has got her weight up.

Have now come to conclusion that dd1 never had any problem at all but we did! Unrealistic expectations based on nothing we had seen or experienced. I just decided children should like traditional dinners in large amounts and no snacking.

In reality, for my dd1, she needs regular calories that are easy to eat and can be eaten warm, cold, with forks,with hands, with fluff or without.

She's fatter and happier, less colds etc and less agro.

Sadly dinner around table ala the Waltons is one of those things sacrificed. She joins us for 10 mins maybe, then scoots. We say fine, but we can't play with you until the meal is over for everyone. She pops in and out and hovers but is good,and sometimes pops back for another forkfull of mash.

Thats our experience of food anyway. Hope something helps. Maybe DH could go to dinner with friends with kids, or a kids type restaraunt to see how rare it is for kids to just sit and eat?

Sorry to go on, just another thought.

Dieticans only deal with any physical reason for a child not eating. If there is nothing wrong with your child physically that stops him from eating, you would be wasting your time and money.

You sound like you have a lot more patience that your DH. Why not buy a book which gives advice, read it and then offer it to your DH to read, im betting once read he will see things differently.

If he refuses to read, then simply say that you have read about some really good approaches you would like to try and would he mind butting out of meal times, so you could give it go and see if things improve.

You really all are so right but (and this is not said in a bolshy offensive way ) I know it all....DH just doesn't listen to me when I have tried to explain it to him.

I totally understand that he wants DS2 to eat well so he can be healthy...so do I. I totally understand his worries about DS's lack of eating. But he just isn't going about it in the right way!

It's ridiculous as it is causing such major problems between us. Yes DH needs to see how to do it to actually get the results he wants (eventually), but I have no idea how to do this.

Unfortunately all he ever sees is his 2 nephews eating brilliantly (though the 4 yr old doesn't really eat that well...just better than DS)

I know the key is to keep calm, calm, calm, but DH simply doesn't seem to have the ability to do that. He would read a book so maybe that's the way to go.

I know with DS it is probably now more of a behavioural problem, but that is also the case with DH.

Is there anyone we can see who could try to help DS even try new foods?

I don't thoink it is all that bad tbh. For example, I am cooking a roast this afternoon. DS will eat the potatoes and chicken without a fuss, but that isn't enough for DH. He says 'right, you have to eat your vegetables today' It's meaning that I dread every mealtime now because I know it won't be enjoyable and relaxed.

So what books should I be buying?

I bookmarked this some time ago and its FREE, might be worth a read, just the basics and outlines all the advice i have since received from 'experts'.

www.copperwiki.org/index.php/Coping_with_fussy_eaters

My DS3 who is 6 yrs old and has HFA/Aspergers has an extremely limited diet. Lives on bread and butter, toast, chocolate, certain biscuits, strawberry fromage frais and fruit pastilles. We can get Minadex down him in orange juice and in the last few weeks he has started to drink the orange Innocent smoothies which is a plus. The paediatrician (sp?) told us not to worry as he was getting most of what he needed in what he was eating and we will try and tackle it when he is 8. He has been on this diet since he was 2.

Can't give you much advice, but since the pead. said leave him to it, it has taken the stress away.

Does he have school meals - it might be worth trying them so he can be encouraged by what other children are doing.

Poor you Squirdle!!

If dd sat down to pots and chicken I'd do the conga!

Maybe dh could read thread - might let him see he's upsetting you and he'd not want to do that.

Re books: I got stop the junk and the art of hiding vegetables.

I got told - by both - that mange tout is a great finger food and to make pizza faces from sliced peppers.

Dunno who the writers thought were the more stupid, children or the parents!

Maybe other people thought the books good, patronising and a script for Big Cook Lilttle Cook imho!

Treedelivery - I know the feeling, while the rest of the family sit down to roast pots and chicken today. My son will have the usual half of chocolate spread sandwich with no butter which he has everyday for lunch and dinner and has done for the last 4 years!!!

Ok if your child is eating chicken and roast potatoes it doesn't sound like he is the one with the problem. Our DS is 2.6 and a right fussy sod, but we just keep doing the same old routine of giving him the same food as us when we eat together and stuff that I know he likes when we aren't. On holiday DH got fed up and was shouting at DS trying to force him to eat a plate of chicken potatoes and peas. Didn't work DS got upset and rather than letting him have the piece of bread or nothing that I would have gone for ended up treating him to a blueberry muffin. It appears to be a no win game if you go head to head with a child over eating.

Showing your DH this thread sounds like a good idea. Perhaps you could agree to an experiment that for one week he would not pass comment on any aspect of his eating. If necessary bribe him . Try some of the ideas on this thread and see what happens.

Suppose to be fair putting mashed carrots in bolognese etc an ok idea from books.

But I wanted dd1 to relish food and love eating - not unknowingly eat a cooked to death mashed carrot with no goodness in it anyway.

They get calories from everything and nutrients from the air. I only have 1 dd1 who is 4, but thats my story and I'm sticking to it

I would love for my DS to eat potatoes and chicken! He hasnt eaten any meat for about 2 years and he's only 3!

He live on a very bland diet of bread/toast, rice cakes, soft cheese, marmite, bananas, yoghurts, crackers, scrambled egg, weetabix and porridge. We have tried evry trick in the book to get him to eat what we're having and nothing has worked. TBH i've given up stressing about it. He will eventually start trying new things and until he does I'm not going to make a big deal about it.

2nd rookiemater - but I reckon maybe longer than a week. Tell dh a week, but 6 years of being one way will take ages to reverse. Would in my life anyway!

Haven't liked gyms for 33 years - reckon a good 33 years to train me into liking one!! And a blueberry muffin from rookiemater.

so it's down to dh - he needs to chill. Give him more crap jobs around house he'll be so tired and fed up he wont care if ds eats dust long as they go to bed!

But seriously, Hope your lunch goes ok today.

Yes I guess a week wouldn't make much of a difference to the actual eating, but perhaps her DH will appreciate the calmer environment and realise that it has its own benefits. Your DH can't be enjoying his meals much with all that shouting he is doing, must play havoc with his digestion.

Last night DS was presented with roast chicken stuffing, potatoes and a courgette. He had one bite of the roast potato and left the rest, after going "Ewwwww" at the chicken. For dessert he refused apple pie but had custard.

After dinner I was slightly upset that my effort had gone uneaten DH said " Look on the bright side, he didn't cry during the meal". That's our measure of success these days !

Oh and I'd just like to point out it wasn't me that gave DS the blueberry muffin. No surree, if DS doesn't eat he gets bread and that is it.

My DS1's main meal is buttered pasta and sweetcorn. He gets very anxious about trying anything new or unfamiliar. I had to stop school dinners for him when he fainted at school. The school then admitted they noticed he wasn't eating much (2 pasta shapes and a spoonful of strawberry mousse on one occasion).

However with packed lunch he's not much better. He has what he calls a butter sandwich which is just buttered bread, some mini cheddars,a piece of fruit,a yoghurt and sometimes a couple of digestive biscuits. He onlu ever really seems to eat one item out of it though and claims 'he didn't have time' to eat anything else although having spoken to the school I know he gets half an hour which is plenty.