For years now my husband and I have wondered about one of our twin daughters potentially having ADHD. She's now 13, and it feels like all the traits we've noticed before are becoming so much more noticeable. My girls were born 7 weeks prematurely so we know that increases the chance of neuro diversity as well.
She constantly loses things, at least several times a day (and these are school days where she's not even at home that much between school and dance!) In the few hours she's at home, she'll have lost her phone, dance kit, dance bag etc and spend ages trying to find them. She gets really anxious about it, and totally recognises it, but this doesn't seem to lead to any change. She's also constantly forgetting the right dance shoes/right bag etc despite me seeing her sorting her bags beforehand, so it's not that she hasn't attempted it. Lots of leaving things at dance/school, it's become a thing that her dance teacher will see her and ask has she definitely got all her belongings 🙈
Her room is CHAOS. Every couple of months we'll have a sort out of it together and she'll be almost obsessively careful to keep it tidy for about 24 hours, but it descends into chaos again incredibly quickly (which I'm sure doesn't help with the losing things!).
She constantly forgets to brush her teeth and put on deodorant. She really takes pride in her appearance so I find this an odd one, it's not like she wants to be a mess or doesn't care.
She constantly interrupts our conversations (at home, in other social situations), and despite lots of being made aware of it, either by us or others, it doesn't make it improve (she's really well behaved generally in social settings, so it's not like she doesn't care if she's doing the wrong thing). She'll also constantly talk about something random during conversations about something completely different.
Definite lack of focus (noticed by us and others). She had a lead role in a local am dram show last year which she was so excited by, cared about it more than anything else she's ever done, but we still had various comments from the director about her struggling to focus (even when working with only two other adult cast members and the director). The director wasn't being unkind at all and didn't say it to her, she actually had a son with ADHD and said she reminded her of him, she said she could see it wasn't being done intentionally or because she didn't care. Unfortunately, with those who don't know her so well this can be assumed (we've had a few issues with school teachers commenting on her not paying attention recently). Her chaperone during the above show commented that it was like chaperoning Tigger.
Sleep is also atrocious, she's frequently really tired but can't get to sleep until hours after she goes to bed around 9pm (and has no screens in room, screen time finishes at 7pm at the latest , lots of physical activity most days).
We've noticed lots of these things when she was younger, but it seems to be now she's hit teen years and has more independence that they're really showing themselves fully. She's also really getting frustrated with herself now, and my concern currently is when she leaves home that the wheels could really fall off, and it could also lead to really poor mental health if she's beating herself up about it.
My concern is that school will just say she's doing fine academically, and no real behaviour concerns, so they don't think there's an issue. We're prepared to go privately for an assessment, but will they also want evidence of struggling in school?
Any experiences would be so helpful, thank you in advance ❤️