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Children's health

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I can't do this - my daughter's health is making me sick to my stomach with fear

11 replies

AprilBaby2025 · 11/06/2026 15:55

My wonderful daughter is 14 months old. She is growing well (50th percentile for weight and 90th for height). She is meeting milestones (walking, babbling a ton, says a few words, loves to play, very engaged with us, responds to her name, points and other gestures, etc). She is generally a very happy toddler who is also very opinionated and will let you know immediately about her displeasure or disagreement with something haha.

She's pretty healthy too. Never been on antibiotics, never had an ear infection, only a couple mild fevers in her entire life. She's had roseola once, norovirus once, and a couple of colds in her life. She started daycare 2 months ago.

BUT, she has mild to moderate eczema on her face and hands. We finally found a great routine that works for her at home. But at daycare she constantly has flares because the daycare provider can't be as vigilant as us (it's just not possible with watching multiple kids). This is issue 1. Issue #2 is that she gets cold sores and herpetic whitlow (HSV-1 on the finger). I gave her this virus when she was 3 months old. Her initial infection was fine actually. Uncomplicated. Quite a few sores and blisters around her mouth, but no fever, was acting happy and like herself etc. Never hospitalized. And it resolved in 2 weeks.

But she gets constant outbreaks now. Whenever she gets a trigger it's like a guaranteed outbreak. Triggers include another virus (and she's in daycare....) so she's had an outbreak with roseola, norovirus and a cold. Travel can also be a trigger and she had an outbreak after we returned from travelling to a tropical destination (3 hour time difference, 4 hour flight).

Her first couple of outbreaks were very big and scary looking. They have gotten smaller now and more superficial. A few of her outbreaks were so small most people would have though they were rashes unless they knew her HSV history. Some outbreaks are more noticeable. Right now she was having an eczema outbreak on her face and then got a cold (eczema is another trigger) so got a cold sore and herpetic whitlow. She's acting fine and happy.

We have spoken to the doctor who basically gave us a rpescription for acyclovir with refills on it so we can call the pharmacy whenever she has an outbreak.

I can't do this. I am SO terrified of her future. Of her life. Will she die? I am so scared she has an underlying issue with her immune system thats causing these frequent outbreaks. How long does she have left ? When will I lose her? I can't stand it. I am a good mom but I am almost trying to mentally distance myself from her because I am so scared of losing her. How do parents with chronically sick kids deal with it?! I am struggling so much. She has her 15 month appointment coming up in a few weeks so I will bring it up again then but I am sooooo terrified.

OP posts:
violetcuriosity · 11/06/2026 16:46

The herpes virus is most prevalent when the infection is new, her immune system is developing and as it gets stronger she will have less outbreaks. Have you spoken to the Dr about your anxiety?

rubyslippers · 11/06/2026 16:57

You’re spiralling and this is impacting you enormously
your child will not die of this - this is a huge leap
they will be able to live with and manage this condition and as a PP says it will calm down
You urgently need support for your own anxiety around this
do you have a partner?

You then need a treatment plan for your child which helps you manage the outbreaks with meds etc

rubyslippers · 11/06/2026 16:59

Oh and with the exzema get this under control with topical creams and using soap substitutes etc
This is a very common childhood issue and plenty grow out of it

SiberFox · 11/06/2026 17:22

Is something going on beside this that is making you anxious / vulnerable? Your reaction seems to be way out of proportion. Please speak to a dr for your sake and for your daughter’s too

AprilBaby2025 · 11/06/2026 17:57

rubyslippers · 11/06/2026 16:57

You’re spiralling and this is impacting you enormously
your child will not die of this - this is a huge leap
they will be able to live with and manage this condition and as a PP says it will calm down
You urgently need support for your own anxiety around this
do you have a partner?

You then need a treatment plan for your child which helps you manage the outbreaks with meds etc

Yes I have a husband. We do have a treatment plan for our daughter which is just to start the antivirals as soon as we notice a blister. We asked about suppressive therapy but the doctor was hesitant as she's so young and it could rarely damage the kidneys so they wanted us to try the "pill in pocket" approach first. Although since her triggers are so predictable I might ask about starting an antiviral every time she gets an illness like a cold.
Yes I am struggling enormously with this. I freak out every time she gets one. I even freak out in between outbreaks if she has a rash or something.

OP posts:
AprilBaby2025 · 11/06/2026 17:58

SiberFox · 11/06/2026 17:22

Is something going on beside this that is making you anxious / vulnerable? Your reaction seems to be way out of proportion. Please speak to a dr for your sake and for your daughter’s too

No, my daughter is otherwise healthy. The only issue we've ever had with her in her life has been the HSV (and mild eczema which I wouldn't care about if it wasn't a trigger for the HSV). She's otherwise absolutely thriving. My life is also pretty stress-free. No money issues, nice house, me and husband both have good work-life balance and work from home.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 11/06/2026 18:00

Ask gp to refer you for cbt.
You need support so you can support your dd as she grows. She needs you to find a way through.
Speak to helplines for this join support groups etc.

BlackSwan · 11/06/2026 18:00

At what age can you give lysine for coldsores? At some point, when she's older at least, she will be able to take it - it can be very effective in preventing break outs and cutting them short too. Ask your dr about it.

VividDeer · 11/06/2026 18:01

Probably worth speaking to gp about your anxiety. Medication could really help.

Didimum · 11/06/2026 18:09

This is an extreme reaction, OP. Tons of kids have eczema and cold sores. You need to get yourself to the GP and get help.

rubyslippers · 11/06/2026 18:11

AprilBaby2025 · 11/06/2026 17:57

Yes I have a husband. We do have a treatment plan for our daughter which is just to start the antivirals as soon as we notice a blister. We asked about suppressive therapy but the doctor was hesitant as she's so young and it could rarely damage the kidneys so they wanted us to try the "pill in pocket" approach first. Although since her triggers are so predictable I might ask about starting an antiviral every time she gets an illness like a cold.
Yes I am struggling enormously with this. I freak out every time she gets one. I even freak out in between outbreaks if she has a rash or something.

It’s good you have a plan for your daughter
you also need one for you
your reactions are very extreme and need to be managed effectively
good luck

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