Struggling with my children's behaviour and unsure where to get support

[user1497874196]

Hi. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this.

I am a single parent. I have 4 children but my oldest lives with his dad because he has suspected autism (is currently under cahms and cannot cope with living with his sisters). My 3 other children are girls and its a nightmare.
There is so much sibling Rivalry, bickering, smacking out at one another. Its getting unbearable. One of my girls has suspected ODD or so her school says. Iv asked for help numerous times over her defiant, aggressive behaviours and all of these have gone unheard.

My house is chaotic because of her, the school blame everything on my household being chaotic but when I ask for support I get nothing.

A few months ago, I found out my oldest daughter who is 10 was being groomed online, I reported this to police and we now have a social worker and an exploitation worker involved for her. I went through so many emotions like anger self blame, guilt.

I feel like I am failing as a parent, I try my best to do everything right and it all seems to be falling apart. I feel like I dont want to parent anymore.

The social worker has now put my oldest on a child in need plan, and this is stressing me out even more.

I dread getting up in the morning because of the arguing between the 3 of them, it os constant, and I mean constant. I cant do this alone anymore but I dont know where to turn to for support.

Iv spoke to the social worker about my child who has suspected ODD and he said he's only been assigned to my oldest daughter.

I seriously feel like just giving up, im miserable and my life just feels miserable right now. I feel like a failure

Sounds hard. Is there anything that all 4 children have in common which could be the root cause of behavioural issues?

Seems odd that all four are difficult

You can ask school to start a TAF.

ND is highly genetic. Have school done a professional referal to cahms or got an ed psych in to see the child they suspect has ODD.

They all have the same father 🤭(shouldn't laugh but if I dont laugh ill cry). I do believe i have some kind of neurodiversity to be honest but iv never been tested specifically or diagnosed.

No the school just asked for the referral to paediatrics and when they requested more info the school didn't respond to them so they rejected the referral. The only reason my son got referred to cahms was because I requested early help intervention with him. I was hoping that having a social worker involved for my oldest would be a similar thing but he said he is only there to support with my oldest. She is on the sen register at school and has a sen plan because she struggles with focus and to retain information but they've never expressed any concerns with neurodiversity with her or advised me of anything although it is becoming more apparent with her that something isn't quite right. The suspected ODD child at first didn't mask at school which is when I got called in, but now I feel she is masking at school because they do not express any concerns but when she gets home it all comes out in one big eruption xx

Do you work? If you are at home all day could you make a plan to get house sorted, tea ready, snack ready etc so you’re full attention is on the children.
Have a few house rules and have immediate consequence if they break them e.g. screen away.

The child being groomed online - I’d take any device away. Model this by not being on your phone a lot. Build up her self esteem so she’s not seeking attention from strangers.

You can self refer to camhs in some areas, give them a ring and ask. If not they’ll tell you the steps to access their help.