10 year old bed wetting

[Emma12716]

So my daughter has been wetting the bed, most nights for the last few years, have tried medication, had scans on kidneys and been to a consultant who has told me I’m doing everything they can advise.
currently on a waiting list for incontinence team.
have brought the alarms brand new, cost a fortune but was prepared to try anything but she won’t try them, I’ve brought pants that will hold the urine but she won’t wear them.
She won’t go on year 5 residential.
to give you some background, she was out of nappies at night, I left her dad, moved back in with my mum, still dry, at 5 we moved into our own home just me and you, our toilet was downstairs from there on the wetting started, not daily. Doctors think trauma from her dad. I am at a loss and feel like a failing parent I don’t know what to do or where to turn to for anymore support. Everyone keeps telling me she will grow out of it, but right now it doesn’t feel like there’s an end :( periods will soon be here and don’t want this hanging over us too. My heart breaks for her.
is There anyone who has been through this and can assure us this will end. Sorry for long post

So the bedwetting started when you moved into a house without a toilet on the same floor? On the nights she is dry, does she go down to the toilet in the night or does she sometimes not wee at all (hence is dry by default). Maybe it’s an issue of the geography of your new home? Have you tried putting a potty in her room. My 5 year old has one in her room overnight because of a rogue cat issue (long story and off topic!), it’s not ideal, but it means she can toilet without having to leave her room

We went through this with ds1 when he was a similar age, @Emma12716. We did a combination of using a bedwetting alarm, and lifting him for a wee at 11pm-ish when we went to bed, and that worked, though it did take a while.

The nights she is dry is just pot luck she doesn’t wake for the toilet, I forgot to say 3 years ago we moved out of that house and she now has a bedroom right next to the bathroom and it still doesn’t give her any initiative for waking through the night.
im finding if I stop fluids at around 530/6, I toilet her between 9 and 1030 at night then most of the time she’s dry, however there are times when either she doesn’t need to go then or I’m not awake then

So there is hope of it stopping?

That’s much more optimistic I would say (though I appreciate it probably doesn’t feel like it!). If she is capable of being dry when you stop late fluids and she’s had a wee early in the night, then it’s unlikely anything psychological is going on, and obviously it isn’t about access to a toilet given you’ve moved. It just means if she doesn’t wee on your first attempt, you need to try again later, closer to 11/midnight. And be very strict on fluids after 5. Not ideal, of course, but it doesn’t sound like anything deeper emotionally is impacting here (given she is capable of being dry when given the opportunity), which would obviously be much more difficult to address for both of you

Thank you for your comment, hopefully light is at the end of the tunnel soon :)

Have you looked at the website https://eric.org.uk/

DS1 was dry at night by 10 years old
DS2 was 3
DS3 was 8

Tips I learnt along the way

Cut out all blackcurrant and caffeine drinks
7 large drinks a day
Double make the bed
No drinks 2 hours before bed
They help you strip and change the bed
No ‘lifting’ at night time
A double wee at bedtime- before and after toothbrushing
Rewards only for things they can control (they can not control being dry at night)
They have to be motivated to be dry
Coverless duvets wash and dry really easily!

With DS1 desmopresson did not work but the alarm did. He was motivated by going on PGL and we spent a good couple of months using the alarm. It requires perseverance and commitment by the whole family.
DS2 was dry day and night in a week when he was 3 - what a surprise!
DS3 we went straight to the alarm.