my daughter and my best friends son were dating

[Kuls2024]

my daughter (15) and best friends son (17) were dating they’ve recently just split because he is controlling doesn’t like her going out with friends and goes crazy if she doesn’t answer the phone within a few seconds thinking she is with other boys.

my daughter informed me yesterday he raped her and pulled her hair when he was high on drugs and she begged his mam not to tell me anything as she knew i would have put a stop to her seeing him and reported it.

Ive already split with this friend now as she said she didn’t like my choice of words with her son when he really upset my daughter again. Baring in mind this has happened many times before and i’ve ignored his comments and messages to me till i finally went crazy.

Anyhow she has a younger child of 20 months as i do too and i had her child a lot of weekends. I have the police coming round tomorrow to talk to my daughter and I actually have proof of the messages she sent to my daughter to say not to tell the truth about what actually happened just to say he pulled her hair. I feel like I dont want to drop her in it even though the messages don’t specify exactly what she is hiding but im so angry right now and my 15 year old is a mess what would you do in this situation?

Fuck that- he raped your child and his mother is covering for him. Time for you to get very, very angry. Tell the police everything.

Thankyou this was my thoughts too but my daughter begs me not to as she says her kids may lose their mother and she doesn’t want that. She actually quoted this is something you have to keep with you for the rest of your life as me and you will end up in big trouble. I’m gobsmacked to be honest this is someone i went to school with

Concentrate on your daughter and focus on supporting her. Naturally you are angry that your friend has prioritised her son over your daughter's safety but don't let your daughter feel responsible for the end of your friendship.

thankyou she is finding it so hard right now constantly crying it was her first everything. She even self harmed within a couple of months of being with him. Hes messed with her head massively and now she’s making me feel guilty if i give the proof to the police she has a young baby etc but I can’t sit by and do nothing she shouldn’t have kept that from me and let their relationship carry on

i’m such a mess myself right now she’s my oldest child and I’ve never had police involvement before so i don’t know what to expect but on the other hand i don’t want that scumbag getting away with it

Just support your DD. Allow the truth to come out gradually. I would say the messages are harrassment as well.

She’s just 15! There’s such a difference between 15 and 17 now- bastard!

her dad never agreed with it and me being soft let her go on his mam had different parenting techniques to me and let them do as they please in her house and i and her dad was made to look like the bad guys! I had to tread carefully as didn’t want her rebelling or being secretive but it all ended last weekend when he couldn’t cope with her going on holiday with a friend and his mother justified it was okay that he asked for her to send a picture each day of what she was wearing and not to wear skirts shorts or tight clothing! My daughter was actually going to go along with that too thinking that was normal

i’ve also rang the police as since they split he will not leave her alone constantly trying to get to her off his friends phones or making different snapchat accounts and i’m worried for her safety

Concentrate on your DD she is suffering from trauma.

I think as you keep records and share the immediate issues, it will become apparent the scale and extent of the abuse. I don’t think you’ll have to directly address it. Just don’t let them downplay the riskiness of the behaviour, even if you have to emphasise how abusive he has been.

Thankyou for your advice much appreciated. She’s a mess because of the way he treated her and i just want to kill him because of how much she is hurting. My head is a mess too as I don’t care how much she begged his mam not to say anything that is a serious offence and to let her continue seeing him i can’t get my own head around it

Forget your friend. And whatever happens, she's not going to have her toddler taken away, so just reassure your DD on that.

Your focus has to be entirely on your DD, and you know what has to be done. Comfort her, reassure her, keep records and notes.

Your friend is the most important thing in all of this? You even need to ask? Seriously think for a second what is right?

thankyou she always has had social services involvement and her son has constantly been in trouble with the police but even though she was my good friend i can’t let him get away with this and not show the police the proof i have

yeah your actually right thankyou