Never ending illnesses

[LilacPomPom]

Hi everyone 👋🏻

I hope you’re keeping well and getting Christmas ready. I just need some advice as the situation is making me feel incredibly low and I’m a bit lost on what to do.

I have an 19mo son, started Nursery in Sept this year for 10 hours a week. I work Long Days & Nights and my partner works from home so we made the decision to give him some social interaction to help develop his skills. He thoroughly enjoys nursery.

When he started nursery, I was told all about the bugs, viruses and colds that he would bring back but I didn’t realise how bad it actually got (and keeps getting). In September, after a total of 15 hours in Nursery, he developed RSV & then Bronchiolitis. He’s since had a cough which has progressively got worse. It gets better for a week, if that, and then comes back. He’s been in and out of GPs, Out of Hours Centres & A+E. He’s been admitted on two occasions for respiratory support, steroids and inhalers within the last two months. I pushed for us to have a steroid inhaler at home and finally got given one. He’s never tested positive for RSV or Covid when he’s been admitted and has only ever been diagnosed with Viral Induced Wheezing. The steroid inhaler worked beautifully and I had my, albeit a bit grotty from general cold season, bouncy boy back.

He then woke up with a rash last Tuesday and subsequently the cough has returned but it’s a lot drier and he is just not sleeping. I’ve restarted all the inhaler plans as a preventative but I’m exhausted. I can’t bear to think how my little one feels.

I don’t want to take him out of nursery as he loves it, it’s our only form of childcare for those few hours and nursery is so expensive to then not utilise it unless he’s not well enough.

I feel so overwhelmed by the illnesses and my anxiety is through the roof. I suffered with PND/PPA and was in therapy up until August this year (ironically right before this whole thing started). I don’t know whether to go back to the GP and ask for more investigations and support (previously been fobbed off) or to just see how he copes. I want to be taken seriously before my baby has to be rushed to hospital, again, but this time with poorer outcomes.

Does anyone have any advice for how to help a 19mo cough, advice for comfort overnight, advice for how to tackle healthcare professionals?

What makes it worse is I am also a healthcare professional and they definitely know I am (not that it should change the pathway of care but I do have some degree of clinical understanding).

Is he having his vitamin D drops and have you checked his iron levels ? Sometimes this can affect babies' immune response if these are lower than they should be.
My toddler never went to nursery until he was two and a half but he still had a bad three months of a cough virus at that age. I think his sleep was poor at that age too. The paediatrician said her baby at that age has poor sleep regardless and it was a developmental blip.
She gave him an asthma inhaler but funnily enough he grew out of the breathing issues in a few months and they never recurred till he was ten and that was only temporary too. Usual d &v swine flu etc but he was a healthy child and his sleep improved too, we co slept a lot !
Fresh air, exercise, nutritious food (ds had quite a limited range he ate but it was nutitrit pop s) cuddles. Naps. He enjoyed his nursery three hours a day termtime from two and a half

Nutritious food not pops!!!

I haven’t thought of Vitamin D. I’ll grab some when I’m next shopping! I did try a multivitamin but the taste was horrible and I couldn’t mask it no matter what I tried.

He hasn’t had any blood work, no X-rays, no scans - zilch. Each time we’ve presented to A&E, they do a set of observations and panic at his oxygen levels and respiratory effort/rate etc. Then he gets treated with no further investigation.

We used a bit of Vicks vapour rub on his pyjama top - my husbands favourite remedy.

Oh! I always thought it was primarily used for congestion. I shall have to give it a go.

If he hasnt been having formula with vitamins (all formula has iron and vitamins) cows milk is low in iron) meat and eggs have it

But vitamin D is made in the summer months from sunshine exposure ie high sunscreen stops production

He doesn’t have formula, and has cows milk, but he eats a balanced diet. Maybe a vitamin might be a good step.

I think it was a gentler baby version of Vicks vapour rub!

I think it is recommended for all babies and children to take vitamin D supplements you can look up the guideline amount. It's less in a multivitamin than the suggested vitamin D so you might need to ask Dr for a blood test perhaps?

DD2 was similar at this age. Every cold turned into a horrible cough, kept her (and me) awake all night, got bronchiolitis a couple of times.

We got given a salbutamol inhaler and spacer which helped a lot. It was still hellish though. And she wasn’t even at nursery - but her older sister was so brought all the bugs home.

Later on, about age 4, I took her to an ENT and she eventually had her tonsils and adenoids removed as together they were blocking her airway and causing sleep apnoea. I think this was also responsible for all her coughs as the mucus went straight down to her chest not out her nose. Anyway just something to bear in mind when your LO is older especially if there is snoring or other signs of apnoea.

Btw your gut instinct about your baby is there for a reason trust it ...keep pushing for help and if you need some blood work demand it. You are not being neurotic at all to worry

Is he appropriately dressed in this weather?

He needs a good coat, scarf/neck warmer, gloves, hat, good boots.

Isnt there cough medicine for kids and children. But if there isnt, i am sure the cough will pass. In any event i would say connectd to the GP. Two opinions is better than one.

Yup, the hat is a bit of a fight but otherwise he wears appropriate clothing/layers.

Cough medicine for children is a bit of a grey area, or so I’ve been told. I think some doctors we have seen have branded it a bit pointless.

If he develops a fever a night and cries a lot at night goes off his food but is lively in that day time seems better and then gets very listless fast I would be concerned about a viral wheeze turning into pneumonia. Apparently symptoms are worse at night because fluid starts collecting but it is difficult to see on x-rays.
This never happened to us (three kids) but toddlers do get pneumonia and it can go undiagnosed.
Didnt want to alarm you but there are cases of viruses turning into pneumonia so in a way all the home remedies and worries about nurseries and bugs are irrelevant; checking for that possibility if he continues to be ill is the most important thing. And they can seem lively in the middle of the day.

I would be asking myself if it’s worth him being constantly ill and miserable for a few hours at nursery. He doesn’t need to socialise with peers at this age. Nurseries are awful awful places for germs.

Nurseries are excellent places for the immune system.

OP his immune system needs the exposure to get stronger. With my kids it was about a year they caught everything going and then suddenly they just.... didn't. There isn't really a way through this. It happens now or it happens when he starts school.

I had a DS who had bronchiolitis at 5 months - every single cold went to his chest for about a year to 18 months after. Since then (and we are talking nearly 20 years) he's very rarely been ill. I can think of 3 tonsillitis episodes and the odd cold. COVID he had asymptomatically. He's been my healthiest of 4 so far, after being a poorly always coughing glue ear little guy.

Thank you for this. We have literally just been discharged from the children’s ward at hospital for Bronchiolitis & RSV+ and, ultimately, needing oxygen.

He has about 4/5 Sessions of nursery left this year and we decided, in conjunction with the nursery, that he’ll return next year purely to give him enough time to heal through this illness.

Whilst I understand germs are so common in nurseries, I feel like there must be someone (somewhere) sending their children in far too soon after an illness or thinking they aren’t as ill as they are. I expected illnesses but this is crazy!

It sounds like he is asthmatic. They called it viral wheeze at that age, but my son had bronchiolitis as a toddler and then asthma attacks that needed hospital regularly until he went on preventer inhalers and hospital trips have been rare since (he's 9 now). Bronchiolitis or RSV as an infant is a warning sign for childhood asthma. The respiratory doctor in hospital told me the first time he was admitted that he was definitely asthmatic and she knew that because he responded well to reliever inhaler treatment, and because he had a history of atopy, she said family members with atopy counts too. (eczema or food allergies). She told me his GP would deny it until he was older, and she was right, it was recorded as viral wheeze until he was about 6, although I later realised he didn't have a virus before an attack it was allergic rhinitis.

All of his health issues stopped when he started on preventer inhalers, and so far it works well and no attacks, until the dose needs to go up which is usually every couple of years.

Please stop repeating this myth. I don’t disagree that children inevitably pick up bugs at nursery, it’s a normal part of being around lots of other kids. But the idea that they need to be constantly ill for their immune system to “get stronger” is actually a myth.
Yes, exposure helps build immunity over time, but the immune system doesn’t work like a muscle that gets stronger the more it’s beaten down. In fact, back-to-back illnesses without proper recovery can temporarily weaken immunity, make children more vulnerable to the next infection, and prolong the whole cycle.

What’s helpful is appropriate, spaced-out exposure, not continuous illness. A child doesn’t need to catch everything going to develop a healthy immune system, and there is no evidence that constant illness in early childhood prevents illness later. Some kids get sick more in nursery, others less, and both groups end up with normal immune function.

It’s great that your son ultimately became very healthy but that doesn’t mean the tough period was what caused that outcome. Many children who don’t have repeated infections in infancy also grow into robust, healthy adults.

So yes, some illness is inevitable in group childcare, but the idea that children must be continuously unwell for immunity to develop just isn’t accurate and it’s perfectly valid for parents to want to avoid that cycle where possible. I do feel some people tell themselves it’s great to be ill all the time to make themselves feel better about the situation.

one of my DC has cough variant asthma. Had to eventually take Montelukast and inhaler for a few winter months each year only. Grew out of it but not until late primary. I learnt to keep them at home at first sign of cold for a day of rest as once settled on chest it would take ages to clear.

I understand your reasoning and appreciate the detailed response. I thought I was going crazy or being overly paranoid and cautious of every sneeze, wheeze & runny nose but it’s been consistent since September. He’s had 2 Episodes of RSV & Bronchiolitis & 2 Viral Induced Wheezes but in total he’s had 3 hospital admissions in three months.

I begged last time for them to put him on a steroid inhaler. I understand/understood the risks they were telling me but it made no difference to my request. We have a very heavy history of asthma, eczema & hay fever/allergies in our family so I knew the moment he had respiratory problems that it would be a likely recurrence.

For a little dude that only does 10 hours a week, it’s just far too much and too consistent with only a total of 2/3 weeks of bouncy baby back to normal since September!

That sounds so hard, and honestly you’re not being paranoid at all-anyone would be worried after 3 hospital admissions in 3 months. It’s completely reasonable to question whether constant exposure is helping or actually keeping him stuck in a cycle where he never fully recovers. And with a strong family history of asthma/allergies, it also makes total sense that you were pushing for preventative support. Ten hours a week shouldn’t be wiping a baby out like this. It’s important for people to understand that “all kids get sick at nursery” doesn’t mean this level of illness is just something you have to accept. I hope things stabilise for him soon, you must be exhausted!