Very pompous and rude doctor

[Eldaddy]

Hi, I am new here and wanted to join to specifically see what mum's or dad think of this doctors visit.

My five year old isn't pooping right now cause she is actively choosing not too, saying it's sore when it comes out. This has happened before which resolved and maybe she had a big poop and that hurt a bit, so she has remembered and got scared again.

It's been a week now so I took her to the doctors. She was scared to go to the doctors cause she doesn't want anyone touching her bottom and that's absolutely fair. So I carried her in cause she's my baby. We got into the room and the doctor asked me to lay her down on the table. I tried and tried and she would not lay down and I have up saying " look mate, she won't do it, I can't force her "

He said to me " Well I'm afraid Gary you are her father and you have to make her, that's what being a Dad is, you really don't have a choice, make her lay down thya your job as a Dad "

I was absolutely raging at that told him that I don't really feel happy pinning down my five year old, so let's just leave it ok.

We sat down and he said I need to find a way to make her do what I want, even if it means hurting them sometimes that sacrifice has to be made as a parent. They might hate you for it but it's for the greater good.

I told him directly and quoting the " Don't tell me how to parent, don't judge how I parent and don't you ever tell me what I need to do or don't need to do, you are vwifn rude and I am not happy with you, what's your name. Got his name and then he apologized for being rude but denued he was. I said again " you are rude and you have not actually helped, you have just hammered me with judgement and no advice on how to actually get her to go up on the table.

He said that he didn't intend it that way and then said to me I was anxious and if I am anxious that's why she is anxious. He said " see look she's not anxious, you are and she won't go on the table cause you are anxious so be calm sir"

I said she has been the doctors with me once or twice, once I think and it was the same then but we had a female doctor and she was great. No issues, so maybe it's you mate, maybe she doesn't like your vibe, either way don't ever tell me how to parent.

He said he has six kids and five girls so he knew what to do and all his kids got up on the table and no issues that's where I need to get too. I said SHES FIVE, NOT 12, FIVE. I said now you are comparing your kids to my kids and that's crossing a line, you are not offering help you are just saying how great you are and how shi* I am doctor.

He said he was sorry again so I ended the conversation and said " right let's find another way, and he offer e a other way he said ok let's just check her standing up, and she did stand up and I held her arms and he got a wee feel and said nothing was an issue, but the pooping issue could be a little bit of fear. He suggested not to mention pooping to her and that might take the pressure off her. That I agree with and we will just give her the laxatives and not mention it, even when she does eventually poop we won't make a big deal of it, just a normal response.

He spoke to me very close to my face and down to me I felt, and I just stared at his eyes the whole time and was not being intimidated. I wasn't angry, I wasn't even anxious.

And here's the crunch, I actually suffer from severe anxiety lol but he wasn't getting to know that.

He shook my hand and I said fine we were fine but I don't like being spoken to like I am beneath you cause I am not. He then said as I left " yeah she's got you wrapped around her finger "

My wife will come with me next time and we will talk to her about the doctors and even show her what to expect and how it's not scary

So what's your thoughts

A fight, well that's not what happened but sure. The word is a disagreement, far from a fight.

I didn't shout at the doctor. I spoke in normal words. You just made up the word shouting.

Next time - prepare your child for Whats likely to be required.

And take a positive lead in getting them to engage, and if it’s really not working asking about alternatives.

You need to be the person doing the parenting, so the doctor can do the medical stuff.

The standing examination won’t have been as informative. Better than nothing, but your failure to get daughter to cooperate with a thorough examination has compromised her care. Thats on you, not the doctor.

He advised us not to talk about pooping for a while, which we are not going to do. She actually did a poo at school which is a start. If it doesn't improve mum will take her next time. For what it's worth my wife also had the same problem, but sadly some people talk to others really poorly and he spoke down to me like I was absolutely an horrendous parent. I made my point and I stand by it.

Next time I will have a different game plan for when I go in. Next time it will be better

Whatever you call it, your account does not make you look reasonable. Quite the opposite.

Fair point, don't disagree. However there's a way to speak to people and he just went in big time speaking quite poorly to me.

I just won't accept pinning my daughter down unless it's totally necessary and my whole family agrees. What we agree with is making her comfortable in future which is what we will do at home to try and help. So when he says '' just have to pin her down and that's that, in the moment was not a smart thing to say, I didn't even get time to think or anything. It was incredibly hard for me as well.

Sadly I see why mumsnet has such a terrible name for itself. Some of the comments are just from angry hateful mothers. You'd think I was the one here who committed a crime ffs.

Peace

Settle yourself. My thoughts are she done a poo when she got home from school, so no ruptured bowel and pinning down only in extremes like you just said '' administer drugs etc '' but not a routine first check.

Entitled, no, not a nice person at all? Well not everyone can like me but I have plenty people who like me and say otherwise. My daughter loves me, my wife loves me, my parents love me.

Are you trying to tell me here that kids don't go to the doctors and get scared and it's a real issue and they can't get examined sometimes? It happens, course it does. I stand by it, unless she is in need of urgent examination, then I won't pin her down.

I think you're completely missing the point. I wouldn't pin my child down to clean her teeth, we work with her to ensure she cleans them herself like good parents.

I don't know who's on mums net but I am sure it's full of horrible judgemental people who prefer the tough love approach.

Tough love in this instance wasn't needed. We would have returned later in the day and if she still didn't comply then we would pin her down.

Now settle yourself, no one has a ruptured bowel or colon ffs

She did a poo tonight and we took the doctors advice and haven't made a big deal about it. Just gone about our day after she wiped herself. So she's fine and has medicine they gave her. No signs of any things he asked me to look for. However if she keeps having pain down there again, we will go back and get a different doctor, with both of us there, and will spend the next while teaching her more about the doctors. She's only just started school she's only just turned 5.

She did a poo tonight, we didn't make a big deal of it, like the doctor suggested and moved on with her night. She was given child friendly medicine to help, so that's the advice we are going with.

So she is pooping fine and we are doing our job as parents. I still stand by my opinion, it's really rude to speak poorly to a parent who

As an aside, if she’s 5 you should be brushing her teeth as well as her doing it.