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Children's health

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9 year old worrying that she’s fat

3 replies

heatherwithapee · 02/11/2025 21:01

DD (13) has spent half term with her younger cousin (9). She’s come home worried that my DNiece spent a lot of time feeling sad ‘because she’s fat’. DN is perhaps carrying a little bit more weight than she ought to but is by no means massive and is still on the smaller side compared to other children in her class (most of whom are properly overweight, sadly). DD is very athletic and slim (but not skinny) so I think DN has started to notice the difference in their body types.

Anyway DD has asked me how she should reply when DN says to her, “I’m really fat and I don’t like it”. DD doesn’t feel she can say, “you’re not fat” because DN is likely a bit overweight and knows it so would not believe DD even if she said it. She’s looking more for how to reply to steer the conversation away from the subject and / or a response that acknowledges that everyone is different sort of thing. She’s worried that this isn’t something that a 9 year old should be concerned about. Any ideas? I daren’t speak to my sister as she’s in denial that both of her kids are a bit heavier than they ought to be but would like to help my niece feel more positive about herself and for my DD to not feel conflicted when DN comes to her for support.

OP posts:
FullOfMomsense · 02/11/2025 23:28

Bless her, that's a lot for a 13 year old to notice and worry about. Encourage positivity, 9 year old girls do carry a little extra weight generally, and if she's not morbidly obese I see no issue in your DD saying nice things. If DN says she's sad because she's fat then DD can tell her she's lovely and that's what matters, or that she's lovely as she is. It's not the responsibility of either of them to manage DNs weight, but in a difficult situation DD can be kind and move on. Don't tell her to say she's not fat or to not say that she's fat. Fat isn't a bad word and she is just a child.

If DNs mum isn't open to hearing anything then leave her to it, there's nothing you can do and her children might just even out. Their weight is none of your concern, focus on your daughter's caring personality

FullOfMomsense · 02/11/2025 23:29

Sorry, should say that even if she is morbidly obese, she deserves to hear nice things!

VikaOlson · 02/11/2025 23:34

I would just say everyone's body is different, and make no value judgement.

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