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Original poster

Child changed during 6 weeks

10 replies

Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 09:02

I wonder if anyone can help. I’m abit worried about my 5yr olds behaviour. During the 6 weeks she stayed with my mum and dad, had a couple of weeks at holiday club and then I was off and so was her dad. Her routine was obviously out of whack due to being off for a period of time which has never happened previously as she had just finished reception.
she began worrying about things, worrying about going holiday club, worrying about staying at my mum n dads (even though she’s done this a lot) she’s never stayed there for a week though but she did this time.
she appears to be quiet and withdrawn at times, not with me or her dad, but she’s quiet when she sees my mum and dad, barely says hello just holds onto me. Since starting back at school she is very clingy with me and emotional, crying at breakfast club drop off, doesn’t want to leave me.
i brought her a worry monster and have had a chat with her teacher about my concerns. Her teacher has advised he is VERY emotional and always says she misses me and wants me.
we are on week 4 of school and back to routine, and just this morning she was quiet and weird when my mum n dad arrived (they take her to school on a Monday) she also cried when I left. I’m not sure what’s going on, it’s like she’s got major separation anxiety all of sudden which began in the holidays.
On Saturday I went to dinner with my friend and she didn’t want me to leave her with her dad even! I’m abit at a loss on why this has happened and how I can help? I brought her a worry monster so she can draw her worries etc but it’s upsetting my mum n dad that she’s not the cheeky happy child she was. Upsetting me because I don’t want her to be sad but I don’t know how to help.
anyone had any experience with this? Thankyou x

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INeedNewShoes · 22/09/2025 09:13

At this age they can suddenly develop awareness that bad things can happen to people. It could be as simple as needing to be with you to know that you are ok. This would be my starting point of assumptions of what could be wrong.

The trick is not to try to talk about the issue at the point it presents (ie when you are about to go out or whatever) but in a calm moment when everyone is relaxed.

I'm about to buy a book for my DD called 'what to do when you worry too much'. I'm buying it because she has been anxious at bedtime for too many months for me to write it off as a passing phase. The book comes highly recommended.

minipie · 22/09/2025 09:15

Did anything happen that upset her whilst she was at your mum and dads or at holiday club? Have you asked her?

Original poster
Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 10:20

INeedNewShoes · 22/09/2025 09:13

At this age they can suddenly develop awareness that bad things can happen to people. It could be as simple as needing to be with you to know that you are ok. This would be my starting point of assumptions of what could be wrong.

The trick is not to try to talk about the issue at the point it presents (ie when you are about to go out or whatever) but in a calm moment when everyone is relaxed.

I'm about to buy a book for my DD called 'what to do when you worry too much'. I'm buying it because she has been anxious at bedtime for too many months for me to write it off as a passing phase. The book comes highly recommended.

Oh that’s interesting to know. I have tried talking to her but she just keeps saying she just wants to be with me. So that would make sense.

i will have a look at that book, its just sad when they are like that so young, I don’t remember feeling like this but that was a while ago I suppose!! Thankyou for replying x

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Original poster
Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 10:46

minipie · 22/09/2025 09:15

Did anything happen that upset her whilst she was at your mum and dads or at holiday club? Have you asked her?

Hi, not that she’s said, I have tried talking to her but she just says the same thing that she wants to be with me cos she loves me so much. I will try talking to her again, but this is why I got her the worry monster so she could express her worries. Just hard when you don’t know how to help! Or how much longer this is going to go on for. She’s just really attached to me.

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Hardhaton1 · 22/09/2025 11:02

Something is definitely happened. You need to get to the bottom of it.

Original poster
Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 11:03

Hardhaton1 · 22/09/2025 11:02

Something is definitely happened. You need to get to the bottom of it.

I know, I’m really trying but she’s only 5 so struggling to get it from her other than she just wants to be with me ;(

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FuzzyWolf · 22/09/2025 11:09

I’m guessing either your parents upset her whilst she was there (perhaps they have a different way of parenting) or else the length of time she was away made her feel abandoned and she thinks she will be abandoned again every time you go away or she sees them. You just need to reassure her it was a one off for the summer holidays and now she’s back at school she won’t be staying there again.

Original poster
Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 11:12

FuzzyWolf · 22/09/2025 11:09

I’m guessing either your parents upset her whilst she was there (perhaps they have a different way of parenting) or else the length of time she was away made her feel abandoned and she thinks she will be abandoned again every time you go away or she sees them. You just need to reassure her it was a one off for the summer holidays and now she’s back at school she won’t be staying there again.

Yeahhh you could be right, that was the longest she’s ever been there and away from me. It’s like maybe she sees them and associates me leaving her. It’s so upsetting I don’t want her to feel like that because there may be other times where they will have to babysit her. But like for a night or something. I try and speak to her about it but she doesn’t say they’ve done anything or anything happened she just wants me. Im going to try and talk to her some more to see if I can understand. It seems as though she has separation anxiety, she never had this when she was younger so it’s new to me. I just want her to be okay. Thankyou for responding x

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Overthebow · 22/09/2025 11:13

It’s a big change for them at that age starting school and then out of routine for the school holidays, then back to school again. I would say though that going away to your parents for a whole week by herself is a long time if she’s not gone for that long before. I have a dd the same age and she goes to stay at my parents in the holidays but she only stays for a few days, she loves going but she can’t manage more then that yet. She misses us, her sibling and home.

Original poster
Emmaaa1990 · 22/09/2025 11:16

Overthebow · 22/09/2025 11:13

It’s a big change for them at that age starting school and then out of routine for the school holidays, then back to school again. I would say though that going away to your parents for a whole week by herself is a long time if she’s not gone for that long before. I have a dd the same age and she goes to stay at my parents in the holidays but she only stays for a few days, she loves going but she can’t manage more then that yet. She misses us, her sibling and home.

Oh bless her, that makes sense actually maybe it was too long of a time. It ended up that way because they took her to a caravan Friday-Monday. So I guess I would have got her by Friday which would have only been 4 nights. That does make sense and maybe now she associates them with that. But I really don’t want her to be sad if she needs to stay for a day, I think she will think I’m leaving her again. I guess I need to reassure her abit more. That’s good insight though Thankyou x

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