Wobbly tooth phobia

[GoingItAloneAgain]

Hi all just looking for some advice about my nearly 6 year old. Her two top front teeth have been wobbly for ages but clearly about to come out in the last day. This is her 5 and 6th tooth to come out and each time she gets more distressed and stops using her mouth at all.

At the moment she is not closing her mouth, swallowing, eating or drinking and is absolutely terrified of anyone going near her mouth. I am worried she is going to make herself ill and also not be able to do anything until they are out. It's been a few hours now and I am running out of ideas. I have tried to gently feel the tooth but I would have to physically restrain her to be able to pull it and I worry that this will just make her worse the next time it happens.

Not sure if it's relevant but she is on a pathway to be assessed for possible autism and she does seem to be having a proper meltdown over it, not just a tantrum.

Where the hell do I go with this? Dentist is 15 miles away and we have no car. Is a and e an option or will they just turn us away?

Can you show her some cartoons/clips on you tube about wobbly teeth or is she too distressed ?

I have tried that and she will watch but is just adamant that no one goes near her mouth and flies into a blind panic if I try. I have also tried explaining to her that it is natural and that her big teeth are just ready to start doing their job. She admits it's not painful but uncomfortable and is really distressed by the sensation. There is a bit of bleeding as well which I think is really adding to her distress. She has literally sat for over 4 hours with her mouth open alternating between crying and whimpering. I have also tried distracting with TV in the hope that she will forget and close her mouth but no luck with that either.

Oh no will she be bribed by a treat?

I wonder if you ignore it she will stop acknowledge that it must/does feel funny then just carry on as usual, OR maybe see if she will take a spoonful of calpol because that will "help".

I think all you can do is go big on distraction. Have her cuddly toys start jumping around and playing games. Act the clown. Do things that are silly. Anything that raises a bit of a giggle.

add some soft tempting food on little plates. Have the toys play and try to eat it, steal it, etc. ask her to help the toys eat. She might eat a bit herself.

yoghurt that you can dip your fingers in and lick off might be tempting. Table manners don’t matter today.

I am an ASD adult and share this phobia.

I would suggest milkshakes and smoothies with a large plastic, acrylic, or maybe silicone straw. Make sure it is a nice smooth straw. Don’t use anything like metal or paper. I know she is not wanting to close her mouth, but a straw can feel different than other eating or drinking.

You aren’t reinforcing the phobia this way, you are simply acknowledging where she is right now and that she needs to eat and drink. With time, she will deal with larger issues, but you can’t address a phobia during crisis with an ASD child, you will only make it worse.

That's really hard OP. I don't really think dentist or A and E will do anything as the teeth need to come out by themselves - pulling them might actually hurt her, and might make her gums really sore or even unsettle the new teeth. I think you have to work on trying to help her understand it's ok to have wobbly teeth.

Hopefully they fall out soon do you do the tooth fairy ?

This is a common problem partly due to sensory needs. You may find some threads with tips from others on parent FB groups if you Google. There are also some Social Stories but these are best when bespoke.
The straw is a good idea as a PP said.
Our daughter used to beg DH to pull her teeth out if they were wobbly she just could not tolerate the sensation in her mouth ( diagnosed ASD SPD and extremely restricted diet)
Some advice on this American site.

https://neurolaunch.com/kid-freaking-out-over-loose-tooth-autism/

Oh this is me but 35 years ago. I feel for you OP, it’s really hard as parents as I know my folks really struggled with it. I had the exact same phobia from aged 5 until all my adult teeth came through. I stopped eating and refused to brush my teeth if I had the tiniest inclination a tooth was wobbly. It was a really stressful time. I wouldn’t talk either and kept my mouth open the whole time - my breath was vile. However the thing that sorted me out was going to my NHS dentist (who I was terrified of) but he referred me to an angel, who was a dentist on the NHS for children with disabilities/behavioural problems. Honestly, my parents could have cried when I went to her. I went every week to sort my teeth out initially, and as teeth come in sets of 4, if one tooth in the set became wobbly, I’d have all 4 removed with injections/extractions (which I was absolutely fine with weirdly). It solved it. I am an anxious person overall though and have been all my life so I recommend you find someone your daughter can talk to. Also, I don’t know if this service on the NHS exists anymore but if not it’s worth finding someone privately. I still, 35 years later, I hate if my niece/nephew comes to me with a wobbly tooth and I’m grateful it’s not me. I’ve also always had a fear of losing my teeth in sport or something. I feel for you though OP because I was there and understand exactly how your daughter feels. She will be ok, but will need support/help. The sooner you can do that, the better. Good luck :-). Also just to add, I am not neurodivergent, just an anxious soul.

This is excellent advice. For now to get calories in her explain that nobody will go near her mouth if she agrees to drink through a straw. Milkshakes and whatever high calorie drinks she will tolerate.

I'd suggest straw. The only thing ATM that's required is for her to drink something.
But there's no point going to dentist because it'll put her off and it's no difference between you pulling it or the dentist pulling it.
Maybe you could do it while she's asleep, does she sleep at all well?