Newborn who doesn’t sleep at night desperate for advice

[DearAquaBear]

I’m a first time mum and I knew to expect the sleepless nights but my 5 day old baby will not settle at night from 10pm to 6am, we are lucky if we get 3 hours in total. The rest of the time is spent crying or fussing. He’s formula fed and has a good apetite, although after some feeds he still is trying to suckle everything so we have tried a dummy which he struggles to keep in place. No issues with wind or tummy problems so far
i don’t mind the lack of sleep but its the constant fussing when he is awake. Any tips from experienced mums? I’m not sure who has been crying more me or my little boy at this rate!

If he’s still trying to suckle I would try and give him a bit more. My second was like this as well. It’s so hard in the early days isn’t it 😩. When you say fussing, is he moving about a lot? If he is, he may have a bit of wind left?

To be honest, there may not be much you can do other than knowing this phase won't last that long. A sling could help to keep in him close to you in a way where you can still move around and do stuff.

The first first 12 weeks are all over the place and baby is still adjusting to being outside the womb, but it's not long at all in the scheme of things. I hope all settles down soon.

If he’s asking for more milk, give it to him. The worst that can happen is that he’ll bring it up again. It will get better soon, I promise.

Unfortunately people werent lying to you about sleepless nights with newborns, its just what they do. Maybe give him a top up of milk and see if that helps.

Newborns don't sleep for more than a few hours. That's your job right now, holding and feeding your baby. Five days ago baby heard your heartbeat all the time.

At 5 days this is (maybe unfortunately) so normal.

Do you have a partner at home? If so try sleeping in shifts so you each get a solid 4hrs - having an uninterrupted block of sleep makes such a difference! I remember we did something like I went to bed 8pm-midnight then stayed up with baby, maybe dozing if they did, until about 5am at which point DH got up a took over again. Obviously this luxury ended with pat leave! But by 2 weeks, baby had slightly more of a circadian rhythm. It also starts to help if you keep overnights dimly light and quiet, then brighter and more stimulating during the day... although at 5 days it will still take time for baby to adjust to that!

Agree with the feeding more if still wanting to suckle as well. Feed to appetite rather than set amounts. Wind really thoroughly.

And you crying a lot at 5 days is also (unfortunately) pretty normal! But do keep an eye on if you think it goes from baby blues to something more serious (e.g. feeling sad all the time and unable to appreciate baby).

Stay strong. You've totally got this! xx

They don’t know day and night. Get lots of fresh air/light in the day. Make sure the daytime is light and noisy and the night time is calm, quiet ish and dark. They do get used to it eventually but it takes time, sorry to say! Try using a swaddle at night to help them stay cozy. Cluster feeding and feeding through the night is very normal with newborns too.

And the crying… yep, I was there too. It’s so so hard. Remember you’re physically recovering from a massive physical trauma (however you gave birth and even if ‘women have done it forever’) a huge hormonal surge and also trying to get to grips with a newborn. This is all with the benefit of hindsight of course. But be kind to yourself. Take any help you can and try to take shifts overnight so you can rest. It’s very hard with breastfeeding but you might find it easier to rest in the day if partner takes baby out for a long walk (so you aren’t listening out for him!)

I wish I had advice but all I can say is it is pretty normal. Try anti colic bottles and know it doesn’t last long and it will get better!

They don’t get a circadian rhythm until 6 weeks at the earliest. Things you can do in the mean time is ensure they have big enough feeds, if they’re still suckling offer more milk. There are loads of guides but both our babies have eaten completely differently so trust their signs! If you aren’t using already, a swaddle might be a good option. We found swaddling the babies when we put them down for naps beneficial to signal sleep and soothe them etc. It’s particularly beneficial if they’re waking themselves up with involuntary movements!

Up his bottles by an ounce and wind him for double the length of time you are doing, fussy usually means gassy or uncomfortable digesting, hes still very very new, all he wants is a full belly of milk, a good winding ( do not underestimate this ) and clean nappy and being on you.

Try to separate day and night for him, keep it dark and quiet at night and light through the day, it'll eventually settle. It is so tough the sleep deprivation. If you have a partner there on paternity leave use it and split the nights up. Or if you have other support through the day try to use this to catch up on sleep. 5 days is still so so new xx

Thank you everyone, maybe I will up his food and see if that helps, I’m always worried I will over feed but I guess every baby is different! The fussing is more like crying constantly despite checking he is comfortable, tried more skin on skin but it doesn’t seem to calm him. Perhaps there is more to the wind as you have all said and I will try more with this x

Let us know how you get on tonight if you get the chance x

Look up alternative ways to wind as well on YouTube, there's some really great advice there.

I think one of the ways bf is easier is that you don’t know how much they’re getting so you just feed them until they won’t feed any more and just go milk-drunk-splat! You can do that with bottles too-you have to accept that you might waste some, but that’s no big deal in the scheme of things. I think more milk should definitely be your first port of call. You really can’t overfeed him.