MMR help severe health anxiety

[Mummyof8sweeties]

Hi all. Proberly going to get alot of hate for this but here I go I have 8 children . I've had severe health anxiety since 2014 when my dad suddenly passed away. Now 6 of my children are fully vaccinated and upto date . However my 4 year old hasn't had His 12 month injections or boosters thisnis due to the fact he had his febrile seizure at 13 months due to a viral infection it was out of the blue and was fine one minute and then the next started fitting. I put off his 12 month injections as they were due 2 days after the seizure . I then got severe anxiety about him getting a fever to the point I would have panic attacks and we all know 9 times out of 10 vaccinations cause a fever. Hes gone on to have 5 more febrile seizures since that point the last being December last year where he had 2 in the space of 9 hours due to having influenza A picked up by swabs at the hospital after the 2rd seizure . I feel like im constantly waiting for him to have a seizure im always on edge when he's ill. I also have a 14 month old who had no vaccinations atall! As i have the same fears that he will too have a febrile seizure. I know it sounds and is selfish but I cannot explain just how anxious I am living like this. With the measles now going around and the death of the child last week. My childrens dad has told me that I have to get the mmr done for both of them before we go on holiday in august. They are both my 4 year old and 14 month old due to have the mmr vaccine this morning. Ive not slept as my mind is constantly telling me that something is going to go wrong they will both have seizures I just can't get out the cycle . I know its best to get them vaccinated and I feel on edge just knowing they are not covered. I have to be honest I think I have PTSD from my son having had so many febrile seizures even just thinking back to the times he has gives me a panic attack and I get sweaty and end up crying my eyes out! I know i need help with my anxiety I had gotten better and it wasnt an issue and I beat it till my son had the first seizure in 2022 . Bear in mind my anxiety at its worst stopped me going outside for a year as I was terrorfied I was going to literally drop dead like my dad did at my local shops. I know I sounds like a freak! But anxiety really is such a nasty thing . Am I doing the right thing by getting the mmr done ? In my heart in know it is but I just can't stop these thoughts that something is going to happen to them both from the jab and the very real realisation that they could potentially not be themselfs and have a seizure. I'm sorry if I sound so pathetic my childrens dad has told me numerous times I am because of my anxiety . I just need someone else's thoughts on this as im really struggling. Thankyou

Yes you are doing the right thing to get the mmr.

You should also see a gp about your anxiety.

If it helps neither of my kids had a fever following the MMR and the vaccine will protect them from diseases that will absolutely cause a fever

Yes you are right to get the MMR and protect your children.
Then look at getting the other one caught up as tetanus is so important of you’re going away.

You really need to speak to your doctor about your anxiety. That is no way to live.

why does their dad not take them?

It's not a way to live and I hate it , If my son who has the febrile seizures starts acting odd or lying about i just panic and mine says he's ill he's going to fit , I can't have a thermometer in the house as I find myself constantly throughout the day taking his temp! His seizures have effected me so badly i have a real issue its funny because its only him and my 14 month old i panic about not my other 6 children I guess its because they are older 16 14 11 12 8 and 7 and I imagine its because they haven't had the seizures saying that my now 12 year old had 1 febrile seizure at 3 and a half no symptoms before hand only after the seizure in town center then being taken by ambulance to hospital it was found she had a raging double ear infection! But at this point i feel like im a crap mum as im on edge just waiting for a seizure to happen its no way to live and I genuinely feel so stupid but the fear is so real , ive had cbt and that failed to help infact it only made my anxiety worse! Ive been on various antibiotics depressants to try and help the anxiety beta blockers nothing helped. The only thing that did help was st the height of my anxiety after my dad died i was having panic attacks all day long the dr prescribed me diazipam for 6 months which did help but it dont want to go down that route again. Me and the childrens dad split after 19 years after the birth of our 8th child last April , he's not a nice person now constantly belittles me puts me down calls me a terrible person tells me to grow up and get over myself he wont do a thing to help me or support me hes the kind of person that has to be right on everything and unless you have the same opinion as him your a moron and not worth the time of day.He wasnt always that way only since before we spilt and after. Since we split and ive been a single parent to all 8 myself thats where the anxiety seems to have come back as im alone and I guess I feel that if something terrible happens im alone and wont know what to do im a panicker where as he was always the calm rational one. I love my children dearly and want to protect them hence knowing ive got to get them upto date on the vaccinations, im honestly just struggling because of the side effects because my sons tendency to fit due to high temps. I dont know how my 14 month old will react wether he will be a fitter too as he's never had a fever ,? Hes still part breastfed throughout the night and mornings he's not interested during the day and will tuck into formula or water. It's the unknown that terrorfies me.

You're doing the right thing. I know how terrifying health anxiety is, I've had it for over 15yrs. Once it's over, give the Calpol and just hope for the best. Try and tell yourself even if you didn't take them for the mmr they could easily take a random fever from an illness anyway and still end up in the same position of having a seizure so at least this way it's for a good cause to protect them from something much worse.

It’s thought it’s the speed of the temperature rising the causes the febrile seizure rather than how high the temperature is and actually giving calpol won’t make a difference.

I think you do probably have ptsd from it or some form of trauma in which case you need specific counselling for that, which isn’t just talking therapy.