22 months not talking

[Itsmee12329]

Hey, I posted on here a while back looking some advice. My little one was meeting all milestones, walked pretty early at just over 10 months old. Babbling, saying mama, dada, calling other family members. She was doing so well and we had no concerns, we thought she was quite ahead for her age.

around 15 months she stopped speaking, she just stopped saying anything other then ‘no’. And unfortunately this is still the case and she’s now 22 months old. she had been referred to speech and language but unfortunately hasn’t had an appointment yet.

the longer this goes on the more concerned we feel. I have ASD myself, but a milder case of it. I’m so worried that she might never talk, occasionally and with a lot of encouragement she will say something like try to say a family members name. The thing is, we no she could talk if she wanted to, but it’s like she’s choosing not to talk. She knows what she wants, but unfortunately when we do ask her to say things, on the odd occasion that she does, it’s like she’s isn’t linking things, for example if I get her to call ‘daddy’ she isn’t actually aware that the word daddy, means her daddy. She’s just saying the word without understanding of its meaning. But if I say to her, let’s go outside, she will get her shoes and stand waiting by the door, so she definitely has an understanding of what I am saying to her. She’s clued in and knows what’s going on, but she has no interest in trying to communicate.

when she’s around other children it’s awful, because she constantly hits other children, she takes things off other children, she doesn’t like anyone in her space and will hit adults to if they get to close to her. She’s done this so many times. She’s unpredictable at times, and even if I am holding her she will hit me, pull my hair, she bites too.

I am really concerned about her, I have another child that is having an ASD assessment next month. Although they are very different personalities. He is quite, introverted and easily upset by noise and to much going on. But our daughter is the opposite, she’s quite aggressive, hits, had very bad tantrums and her temper is awful. She’s hard to settle down once she is upset, it can last an 45 minutes of more and nothing will calm her down other than wearing herself out with screaming. A lot of people have commented on her temper and how long she can cry for. I’m not sure if it’s frustration because she can’t communicate her needs or what she’s wants with us. I’m just finding it all very hard and very overwhelming.

I would hope that sometime she can speak and communicate but there’s a massive part of me that doesn’t feel like she will, I don’t no what it is but I just don’t think she’s going to speak because she doesn’t even try to, and I don’t mean that to sound harsh but she has no interest in speaking and she has no interest in people. She likes to be left alone and gets angry or screams or ignores us if we, or anyone else, tries to engage with her.

had anyone else experienced this? If so what happened? Is there anything I can do? I’m lost with what to do right now xx

Not talking does not mean not communicating
Use makaton signs
Use photos
Family members
Show her daddy go find daddy
Drink and food choices on fridge which do you want show me
You can buy sets of PECS cards on amazon to start but photos of actual people places things is good

Then look at prololoquo or gridplayer apps

No advice sorry, but following because my DS sounds exactly the same and hoping someone has some wisdom! He will babble, but the temper you described is exactly what he has.

@cestlavielife my concern is mainly stemming from the speech regression. The health visitor who made the speech and language referral told us her vocabulary is speech she uses frequently with meaning behind it, she gave us some examples like ‘mama juice’ or things like even just calling me or her dad, she said those things are her vocabulary. I told her that she will occasionally say things if we encourage her lots, but it’s a one off thing, she will say it that one time and then never again. And our health visitor said then that wouldn’t be part of her vocabulary. She said she wouldn’t be concerned if she hadn’t spoke lots before, it’s more the regression that’s cause for concern.

also, I’ve a son, lots of nieces & nephews and one that’s only weeks younger than my daughter. I have never compared my kids to anyone, but without comparing it’s easy to see my little girl isn’t doing what most children her age are doing. She lacks interest in people, she doesn’t like playing with anyone, she doesnt play with toys either, she likes being outside in the garden and will just walk around and climb up her slide. I no she’s still very young, but I also no that something is stopping her speaking because she was speaking before and she was calling my name, and it wasn’t baby babble, she was shouting at me ‘mama mamaaaaa’ until I came in to the living room to see what she wanted. But it all stopped and it’s heart breaking because she’s so frustrated, sometimes she wants something and it’s a guessing game trying to work out what she wants and she ends up getting annoyed and crying and even when you finally find what it was she wanted she’s crying so much and keeps screaming for ages after and nothing will calm her down.

I feel bad for her, and I feel helpless. I carry her in to the kitchen with me and point to things to figure out what she wants but it seems like to many choices and she then doesn’t no herself what she wants lol! And usually she’ll pick chocolate or crisps haha! xx

@letsnotIRL aww I feel so bad for you. It’s not a nice situation. I feel the lack of being able to make needs known is what’s causing the meltdowns. I’m sure it would be frustrating. And it’s so heartbreaking as parents, I feel helpless and so stressed at times. If I visit family members we usually have to leave after 10 minutes because she will have a meltdown and I no it’s going to be a good half an hour or more of her screaming and I can tell by others faces that it’s unpleasant for them to listen to. It’s awful, because she’s only young and you sometimes think people would give you a break and not look at you like your child’s behaviour is appalling, It stresses me out even more. Especially when people start asking ‘do you no what she wants do you think she wants this or this or maybe you should pick her up’ and I’m like if I new what she wanted I’d give her it, if I pick her up it makes her worse and she starts stiffening out as if I’m trying to restrain her, sometimes, avtually
most of the time I’ve almost to let it ‘run its course’ because I’ve tried all I can try and nothing works xx

We have something very similar with a child in our family, he’s now 2 1/2yrs. He’s had a speech/language assessment - they tested his hearing, and this was fine. But they said it was too early to make a ‘spectrum’ diagnosis (or something like that) so it’s just a case of seeing how it goes for a while, which is frustrating. There are other cases of learning disabilities in that side of the family.

I could have honestly wrote this myself. A little neighbour friend came over to play with him today and I had to send her home because he just screamed and thankfully, bit me and not her, but he's broke the skin and I'm heart broken. It's so hard at this age and especially when they're as unpredictable as our 2. I let it run its course too but sometimes I have to almost pin him, he has to get dressed and brush his teeth and it's horrendous every single time. Feel for both of us 🫶 xx

@Mondayblues2 its so upsetting for family having to watch. Im in Northern Ireland and my son started nursery school ages 3 years and 4 months, and then started school ages 4 and 3 months - when I applied for his nursery place he was 2 years and 9 months old.. and my daughter is almost 2, if she had additional needs that couldn’t be diagnosed until a certain age, how on earth would I no which nursery school to apply for.

recently a woman that lives near us applied her son to a nursery school and he was accepted, but when he had his induction day back in September they said after meeting her son that they where so sorry that they could no longer offer him a place. They made a referral for speech and language for her little boy and he was diagnosed with autism and non verbal. I thought non verbal meant not speaking at all, but her little boy did talk but it was inconsistent and he didn’t say a lot or communicate his needs. This was her first child and her health visitor never had any concerns etc.. so her little boy missed out on nursery school. I think in some circumstances they should diagnose early, especially if that child should need additional support with the likes of a nursery for children with additional needs. xx

@letsnotIRL awww bless you that sounds terrible. It’s so hard on you!! I get the feeling sometimes people thing ‘spoilt’ or ‘brat’ or as if they’re just not well behaved. But I just feel there is something causing this, I don’t feel it’s right for someone so little to get so angry, and I don’t feel it’s our fault as parents, but I think others are very quick to blame the parents. I would never look for an excuse and regardless if my child did or didn’t have a condition contributing to her anger, I would never make it ok for her to hit or scream etc. I just think with an answer as to the cause, then we parents could find a different approach in how to deal with it. But when you don’t no what you’re dealing with, it’s hard to no what is right or wrong.

mg little boy is being assessed for ASD next month, he’s not bad tempered at all, but he freaks out. He physically vomits if its noisy, this has become more apparent since starting school, he’s frequently sent home with vomiting, his teacher said he doesn’t do well with change, commotion, noise, smells, limited eye contact etc.

with our little girl, she’s not even 2 years old yet so we can’t tell what she does or doesn’t like, noise seems to make her very hyper or very upset and a little like she doesn’t no what’s going on. Smell we’re not sure about, eye contact isn’t great but that could completely be age related or just down to her being completely uninterested in people. Aww it’s just so hard figuring out what it could be.

I think in some circumstances they should diagnose early, especially if that child should need additional support with the likes of a nursery for children with additional needs. xx

@Itsmee12329 i got the impression that they can’t diagnose early? Due the possibilities of late developers etc. They need to wait to be sure.

What’s her eye contact like op? Is she ok with different food and clothing textures?

My baby is 19 months and the same.

But - I'm not concerned. His DF (my partner) only stated talking at 3-4 years old. He is now in a high salary role and highly regarded in his field. I also started talking late and I had a speech therapist until I was 6 yo, and I am equally successful in work and friendships.

Don't worry.

@Mondayblues2 you’re right, they won’t diagnose until a certain age because as you said they need to be sure your child isn’t a late developer. It’s just a pity as it leaves parents a little unsure as to what nursery school etc to apply for. I no there are nursery schools for children with additional needs, but unfortunately if your child’s additional need is ASD because they can’t diagnose it until age 4 then my daughter would be past nursery age and almost ready for school xx

Ds was like this. He was diagnosed with autism. He communicated in his own way he took us to what he wanted rather than point or use verbal communication. He caught up when he was 3 although his speech was unclear. He was a happy placid baby, rarely cried just in his own world.

DD, also autistic, would cry for hours and hours, be violent. She could verbally communicate and never lost speech.

They both had hearing tests and passed them.

They can diagnose autism from 3 and screen from 18months. Do not be told otherwise. Dd was 3 when she was diagnosed, ds was a little older.

@makemineadecaf her eye contact isn’t great but I’m not sure if that’s just an age related thing, our little boy is the same and he is 5 but I suppose at his age a certain level of eye contact is expected, but he’s being assessed next month for ASD, he has a lot of symptoms but fortunately his speech isn’t one of them. He does struggle to make his needs known and can’t explain things very well, according to his teacher. She also has to fill part of his ASD questionnaire out and she had noted he has a ‘monotone’ voice and sounded unusual. I never necessarily picked up on this until it was pointed out to me as he always sounded this way.

I would be devastated if my little girl never spoke or never spoke much. I was devastated when it was suggested that my little boy needed referred for an assessment but he is happy and in a mainstream school, he likes his own company but he is happy and that’s what is important to me.

my little girl unfortunately doesn’t seem very happy, she seems very frustrated. It breaks my heart 😢

@vegantart aww this is very good to no, I thought the age was 4 for some reason but im
pleased to no it is 3. We’re waiting on speech and language appointment, my little girl actually has suspected asthma, she’s been sent to hospital a few times by our GP and it was brutal, they tried to get a nebuliser on her and she hit the doctors, she tried biting them, they couldn’t even come in to the room or she kicked off. Her heart rate was over 200 and they needed to do observations on her, she kept pulling the heart & oxygen monitor off her toe, they said they really needed her calm to get an accurate heart rate reading from her. She’s wild, honestly she is my wild child. Shes fearless but violent, she bites, hits, throws, she doesn’t like anything or anyone near her at all. It’s a challenge, if I lift her even to bring her to bed I’ve to try to hold her hands down as she hits me, everyone who knows her knows not to get close because they will get hit, I do not no where she gets it from no one else in our household is like this. My son likes his own company he’s not a hitter, he’s sounds like your little boy, he likes his own company, he’s in his own little world and he’s easy other than noise he gets upset by that, which isn’t ideal when our little girl has a 45 minute screaming fit 😭😫 xx

@CharnwoodFire I wouldn’t be concerned only she was talking, the health visitor said this to me & my husband. She said late talker isn’t a concern but speech regression that lasts this long is a concern. She was saying a good amount of words that our health visitor witnessed- and she got better and better and was saying more & more words up until around 15 months and she just stopped, she hasn’t said mama or anything since. She’d been saying mama from around 9-10 months old right up until 15 months, also dada, ‘sa yeee’ for sorry haha! She called my mums dogs name, she said yes, hiya, bye, ni ni (for night night), she said ‘Gaga’ for Granda, ‘nana’ for nanny, she tried to say her brothers name, she said ‘uhh ohhh’ ‘all duuu’ for all done, she was doing amazing and she was very advanced to be honest, she did met her milestones ahead of time with everything from crawling, walking, climbing & speaking.. and then the speaking just abruptly stopped. She says nothing anymore apart from ‘no’ and occasionally she’ll say stuff with lots and lots of encouragement and it also takes her to be in the right mood, but she will say it that one time and not use that word again. She doesn’t store the words she says and keep using them, she will say them once with lots of encouragement from us and then that’ll be it. And she doesn’t really no what she’s saying either, she not using it in context. Of course we’re concerned, we’d be silly not to be. We have another child that’s older, he’s 5, and I’ve lots of older nieces & nephew and one close in age to my daughter and never have we experienced anything like this.

Does she go to nursery and have regular social interaction with kids her age?

@makemineadecaf no she doesn’t go to nursery but she does go to church and crèche in the church where there are a lot of other children, myself and my husband have noticed she doesn’t play at all with the other children.. she will knock them out of the way if they’re in her way or pull at them or hit them and she’s so tiny, she’s very small for her age she was wearing 9-12 months clothes and still can as 12-18 is quite big on her and she’s 22 months lol!

but she also has a little cousin that’s a few weeks younger, who would make 2 of her - & my little girl pushes her and hits her, it’s really embarrassing to be honest I don’t no what to do and she pretty much ignores anyone who tells her off. She has older cousins, all under the age of 8 and boys and she’s in the middle of them trying to get involved in wrestling only she’s wicked and bites.

But she’s definitely more socialised than my son was, as he was born first lockdown of Covid and didn’t see many kids for his first year or so xx

Hi OP, this sounds just like my little boy. He had a regression after starting to speak and was diagnosed ASD by 3. His language returned at 4.5 years old and he’s doing really well now.

I’ve got to be honest and say we went all out with speech therapy, OT and they never made a difference. He is a gestalt language processor and does things in his own time, which we respect and nurture.

it will all be okay.

@littlecreeature hey! Aww bless him. I’m so glad to hear his speech has returned, that’s amazing & a credit to yous for picking up on it and getting it dealt with so fast.

I have autism myself, I would say it’s mild, I no I have it but I’ve done fine in life. But I believe this is why sometimes it’s hard for me to see differences in my children because I do not find how they are out of the ordinary, I don’t like certain smells, noises or textures, certain clothing etc. so their ways don’t feel strange to me. my husband picked up on this as ‘different’ a lot faster than I did to be honest. Now the one thing I can’t relate to is my daughter’s speech, it felt like it was there one day and gone the next. Even now she will say a random word like ‘shut up’ and then never say it again, or maybe say it again in 2 months. But the only word she regularly uses is ‘no’.

I got speaking with speech and language and they said her appointment should be with us any time now. Our health visitor also made a referral to the child development clinic for further investigation, Im not sure how long the wait time typically is for that but I’m hoping it’s not ages. in fairness when I first contacted the health visitor about her speech stopping, I thought I was being a little dramatic but I wanted her opinion, she of course was happy that I made her aware and made an urgent referral. I believed she’d start talking soon enough but unfortunately she hasn’t. And then after speaking with speech and language they made me aware that whoever triage the referral for some reason, triage it as ‘routine’ instead of urgent back in February. They said had this have been triage as urgent then she’d have had her appointment by now. Fortunately the therapist I spoke with said she would get her an appointment as soon as possible and it’ll be with us in the next week or 2.

I don’t care if she has ASD, but I really hope she does speak as I’m sure every parent wants their child to have a fair go in life, and I’m not saying that in a bad way, but I just wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I would definitely be sad if she didn’t talk or didn’t talk much. As this would most likely hinder her future and I do worry how she would cope as an adult. Of course we’re more than happy so do all we can to support her and give her the best we can to succeed the best she can. but we’re also very accepting that speaking may be something she may never do - the thought of it makes me sad, it breaks my heart for her xx

My daughter has a speech regression or at least an issue retaining words. She only ever had a working vocab of 3 words so as she learnt a new word she lost and old word including mama and dada. We saw the HV who gave us some exercises to help reinforce her language and from 20 months to 24 months she got to 10 words and some old words came back. We were moving house so didn't get a salt referral but were recommended to get in touch with our new HV when we moved at 24 months. She communicated really well with me through facial expressions and pointing. Her nursery closed with 20 minutes notice at 21 months and she had inconsistent child care until we moved at 24 months because of this although the HV came to see us after we moved at 24 months she didn't book her 2 year assessment and language assessment until 26 months to give her chance to settle by which point she was using 2 and 3 word sentences and was able to communicate her needs verbally rather than by pointing. She started school at 4 and a few weeks with no language concerns in September and has done really well at school.

I have a family friend who's little boy has fairly severe autism. He started at a sen school aged 4 nonverbal and by the end of the first half term he started talking a little and has really thrived at his school. The right support has made a huge difference. I just thought I'd share my daughters and his story with hope that it could be developmental and if it's not being late to talk doesn't mean never talking.
Best of luck

@Superscientist aww that’s so good to hear! Thank you! Her speech and language therapist strongly believes ASD, due to the tantrums, the duration of the tantrums, and her overall behaviour etc. she said she can get assessed at 2 years & 10 months. She’s still not speaking at all, she uses 4 words at most, she has said a word and lost it within a day and never says it again, the speech and language therapist is going to support her until then and even after. She said she strongly feels non verbal autism. But we will no within the next year for definite, feels so long to wait but that’s just how it is I suppose xx