How to discuss stretch marks with child

[Wherewillitend]

My 9 year old dd is tall for her age (wears 11-12) and is also quite built.

Her diet isn’t amazing and despite trying all the tricks to make it more varied and encourage her to try other foods we are in something of a rut with her food. The rest of us eat pretty much everything and she cycles through the same 5 or 6 meal options and refuses anything different.

She has just discovered some stretch marks on her inner thighs. I said they appear when your skin grows quicker than it’s ready for. She accepted this.

Here my question that I would never dream of saying to her…… how can I help her expand her diet to avoid her getting bigger and prevent a lifetime of issues with food?

Its sad to see stretch marks on her legs and how tight some clothes are in the waistband and thinking she might need a bra soon…. Or if her diet was tweaked a bit and I can encourage more active clubs etc her shape could change and we could swerve this. I’m also super conscious about ED’s and don’t want to steer her that way.

How do I have a conversation about this?

Separate stretch marks from her diet and health and please don’t make a big deal about the stretch marks. Many teens get stretch marks without having any weight difficulties. I had loads and was always slim, for some people a pubescent growth spurt is all it takes. Funnily enough I didn’t get them when pregnant.

Yep fair point. I had them too and was like a bean pole, so that’s a good reminder. So it’s more a question of how to build healthier habits to set her up for life.

Following the thread, I too have a 9yr old whose waistline I worry about. She’s always been slim and athletic, with muscly thighs etc, but in the last year or two her tummy is quite wobbly and pudgy. She’s different to yours as in she’s a great eater, she just lacks self control around how much and seems hungry all the time. We try to talk about being healthy, have explained that your body only needs so much energy and if we eat more than it needs, the energy will get stored in our body and make it harder to be fit. I’ve seen her sucking in her tummy recently though and I believe she’s self conscious, do you think your DD is aware? I feel the dilemma of not wanting to raise it and make it a ‘thing’, especially if she’s likely to just stretch out in the next few years, but also would like to have the issue on the table that she can discuss if she needs.

I got stretch marks on my inner thighs when I started puberty and although I had a bit of puppy fat, I’ve never been bigger than a size 10 as an adult except during pregnancy.

Stretch marks happen in puberty so keep the issues separate.

it sounds like you are already doing the right things with her diet. If she’s always seeing her family eat a variety of things then she knows it’s an option for her and it will be available when she is ready. Teens pick up on any tiny sense of pressure to do things they don’t want to and it doesn’t help.

what sort of exercise is she getting? And what about snacks? Also what is her portion size like for dinner?

my dd similar age is very fussy and really just wants some sort of potato for dinner every night.
I try not to stress about dinner and just give her what she wants because she’s often and tired and grumpy by that point and arguing doesn’t help.
But I make extra effort into making sure she has gets lots of exersize, has a healthy breakfast, lunch and snacks.

agree that stretch marks are separate issue and you shouldn’t mention them again if she’s accepted them.

The good news is that she’s at an age where many fussy eaters do start to expand what they eat. The desire to fit in with friends is strong so I found eating

I don’t know anything about stretch marks but I’ve always told my two DDs that what they eat or don’t eat has an affect on their body.

To me it sounds like you are doing and saying the right things.

stretch marks are often hormonal, models have them...

Too soon

in public or at friends houses helped a lot because my fussy one despite her many issues embarrassed easily. It’s not overnight but my beige eater by adulthood eats a decent though now vegetarian diet, in fact that was the catalyst because I said I would not make her vegetarian food unless she ate vegetables! She was allowed to choose 5 items she didn’t like, that’s all.

I have them on my inner thighs despite being 5ft 10 and a size 8 as a teen.

My 5ft size 6 friend has them on the back of her knees.

My male cousin has them because he grew to 6ft 4 very quickly.

They are different things. Stretch marks are about skin elasticity. I told my kids that it's because they are growing quickly and the skin is stretching to much but moisturising helps. So they moisturise after every bath/shower.

The food issue. I think you need to offer her variety and encourage her to try new things. My daughter doesn't eat any veg or sauces. She only eats beige food (school suspect autism). Anyway, I try to get her to try things even if it's just a nibble. Although, I don't force the issue because it's her choice what she pits in her body. After all you can't force feed them.

How did you get into her eating different meals from everyone else? I did sometimes do one alternative veg for my picky eater, if one veg was something she definitely wouldn't eat, but basically same food for everyone.

Many children put on a bit of 'puppy fat' going into puberty and it sounds like she's going to be into early puberty soon, and then she will inevitably become more conscious of appearance and be more amenable to healthy eating.

If you control portion size you can reduce the amount of less healthy ingredients on her plate and increase the amount of more healthy ingredients without changing the basic meals. Such as more veg, less potatoes.

Stretch marks are genetic. You either get them or you don't. I had pre eclampsia and my swelling was unreal. I was on bed rest in hospital and some lovely trainee midwife's came in to see me as part of their training(obviously with my full permission) and the first comment from one was "oh my god you have no stretch marks " apparently it was so unusual for someone who had so much swelling. My mother and her sisters also have none so definitely separate stretch marks from healthy eating as they are two separate issues .

The different meals thing is sometimes a pain and other times its just fine as she might have elements of what we eat or we will all have the same but her repertoire is sooooooo limited that doesn't happen too often. I'm unsure how we got to this place, at nursery she wolfed down the lunches and they were very varied. Then we went into the first lockdown and her eating changed immediately and has been extremely selective ever since. All the beige foods, and will visibly recoil at new suggestions, then all of a sudden will try a couple of things and then its as if the trial shop shuts for a while only to be reopened on a random date. I've relaxed about this as the battles were pointless and hope she will change as she gets older but seeing her gain weight I know there is a correlation with her diet and would love to get her trying more foods and being just a little healthier.

We suspected she might be autistic with the food thing and sock seams and a few other traits but over the last 6 months a few of those have gone and she has added a couple of new foods to the list, still barely any veg but a few fruits now which is progress. She is nearly 5 ft tall so she's not wasting away but the beige food can't be doing her any good long term. Thanks for your suggestion about trying a nibble, will give that a go from now now.

Yes I think she's becoming self conscious, she has grabbed her legs or tummy and talked about being fat. I've been quick to say no you're not fat, you are the tallest girl in the the year and in proportion. I would love to know how to talk about all of these things in a sensitive way that would answer questions and set her up for life. I don't want to create a problem.

Anyone growing can get stretch marks but they tend to go away not stay.

Both my DS’s have stretch marks on their backs. DS2’s just appeared recently. He is painfully thin due to an anxiety disorder which means his diet is very limited. DS1’s back looks as though we’ve been whipping him😬 I thought he had been scratching. He is also very thin, but naturally thin in his case, like his dad. Weight is definitely not the cause. It is a combination of hormones and a growth spurt.