Overweight child - has anyone actually succeeded in getting child to lose weight? (Or stop gaining)

[User5274959]

Dd is 9 yrs 10 months
152cm tall
52kg which on the nhs kids bmi calculator puts her at the 95th centile which is well in to the overweight category.

Has anyone successfully improved a similar situation?

She is one of 3 dc and the others are not overweight. She has asd and I believe eats partly as a sensory thing and just doesn't have an off switch.

Meals are healthy and not big portions.

Snacks can be an issue.

Not naturally active, does one martial arts class a week.

School is not walkable but I'm going to start parking further away.

So far have been trying to make subtle changes without making a thing of it but don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

Her waist measurement is also disproportionately large.

We are an ND household and I stopped buying ultra processed foods for 95% of our diet because they were having an impact on ds's behaviour. His behaviour has improved massively but the other thing is that nobody snacks as much anymore. Any crisp type snacks are salted only and breadsticks are Crosta and Mollica rather than those sticks of air masquerading as breadsticks that most supermarkets sell. Cereal is either porridge, weetabix or no. UPF cereal. The weetabix is UPF but it's within the amount I allow. Lunches are breadsticks and cream cheese (not Philadelphia due to preservatives), homemade bread cheese sandwich, crackers with cream cheese, tomatoes, cucumber, mango, raspberries, grapes, banana, satsuma type fruits. He will have 4 each day from that list. On Fridays he has some crisps. There might be homemade cake or cookie if I've been baking. I've noticed that I shop more often because of needing more fresh items but I'm not spending money on junk so it evens out. He doesn't want 3 bowls of cereal anymore because it doesn't contain UPFs that make you want to eat more and don't fill you up. He could eat 3 muller corner yogurts before. Now he'll have Greek yogurt and honey and be happy with a portion of it. Proper Greek yogurt not Greek style. He's a little older than your Dd and walks to school and back each day and plays tennis once a week but he's always full of energy although he needs time to decompress after school too but the walk helps with being about 30-45 minutes depending on which route we take and if we call at the shops on the way back.

One thing to try would be to increase portion sizes at meal times so she's not as hungry outside of meals and find an alternative source of fulfilling her sensory needs while she's young enough to not risk it developing into a lifelong habit that makes her an obese adult.

My DS is a similar age and similar centile (although much shorter/lighter he is 95th centile).

He is very active, does hours of sport each day, he eats everything placed in front of him (ie healthy dinners) and has a mega sweet tooth but we obviously control how much sugar he has. No sensory issues etc. I am at a bit of a loss as to how much more to control his intake as I want him to keep eating and enjoying protein etc.

My middle child eats well but is super skinny. My youngest only eats snacks, and has major food issues but she is 3 and I'm hoping is just being a classic toddler.

It's very hard with multiple children with different approaches to food, and very different needs, to try to meet all of them so I sympathise.

If she enjoys the martial arts would she do that more than once a week?

Don't give her low fat or chemical sweetener stuff. They apparently cause people to crave more food.
Stick with the full fat Greek yoghurt, any fruit, veg and berries, nuts, hummus.
Stick with dense stuff like oatcakes rather than rice cakes.
Steer clear of the ultra processed food and that includes most supermarket bread. Buy her a ugh quality bread or bake one yourself and keep slices of it in the freezer for her.

I'd let her snack but make them all healthy (greek yoghurt, crudités, fruit etc). Then reduce main meal portions, so she's effectively having 4 or 5 small meals. You can reduce the main meals without too much visible difference with mismatching plates (DD having the smaller ones but filled to leave the same gap between food and the edge of the plate), how you display the food on the plate, and reducing the carbs or more calorific parts eg grated cheese and upping the other parts. So for a Spag Bol, the other DCs might get 2 scoops of spaghetti and one of Bolognese with a handful of grated cheese, flattened out a bit to look 'less'. DD would get 1 scoop of spaghetti, 1.5 scoops of Bolognese and a sprinkling of cheese.

Also, she needs to be busier. If she's crafting at Brownies or jumping around at Cheer practice, she is not only burning calories, but doesn't have time to think about food. I think boredom comes into the problem. I wouldn't force a particular activity on her, but you make it clear that doing nothing isn't an option, so she needs to decide what she'd like to do.

It definitely isn't too young to start talking about healthy choices/balance and the consequences of not sticking to that in terms of health/sickness IMO. If it is done in a factual way about humans generally it isn't going to cause emotional scars.

Another thing I used during lockdown, after getting fed up with being constantly harangued for snacks, was to give each DC (and DH!) a snack box. I did it daily, but weekly could work too. In it was everything they could have that day outside meal times. It was their choice whether to scoff the lot immediately after breakfast or pace it throughout the day, but that was their lot. It gave them some control and took the focus away from trying to wear me down on the off chance I changed my mind, because once gone it was essentially the box that was saying no more, not me. I've had similar success using daily alarms for things like getting shoes on in the morning too, as it takes the emotion out of it when a machine tells them it's time.

My son eats for sensory reasons and we've had success with home made ice pops. I make them with squash (not ideal but better than something full of sugar and colourings).

They each hold about 100ml so he is allowed to help himself to those without asking during the day. It's an easy way for him to test if he's actually hungry or just wants "something".

I wouldn't remove snacks. I'd do the opposite, I would make sure that there was always a tray of healthy snacks available, cutting out processed carbohydrates where possible.

I am autistic, and when I feel hunger it's physically painful and nauseating. I can not focus on anything else. Reducing food intake would make me really dysregulated especially as a growing child.

Now I'm an adult, and on mounjaro for weight loss because it was managed badly in my youth, and I make sure I've always got little gem lettuce, fried ground beef, cheese, and I make myself a little tray of lettuce tacos, or I have mango with a sprinkling of salt, or orange quarters - orange is actually ranked high on the satiety index, or cucumber salad with different flavourings, some spicy, some sweet, some Asian inspired, hard boiled eggs, ham and cheese rolls, chicken bites or when I'm lazy turkey dinosaurs as 10 dinosaurs only have about 500 calories, grilled prawns, prawns only have about 30 calories each.

My own autistic child is also a grazer rather than a meal haver, and I wish this is just how I had tackled my life growing up.

I was your DD too but did manage to get to a healthy weight at 15 and maintain it actually without too much effort.

Whatever bread, cereal or snacks you are buying, ensure they don't contain dextrose. Dextrose makes me overeat as it's very moreish.

Bagels need to go as they're sweet and have little nutritional value.

For me, crunchy snacks are by far the most satisfying, so carrot sticks, seeded crackers etc which you can dip into guacamole, hummus, tzaziki etc.

For something sweet , you can buy things like oat bars with dark chocolate chips. My DD has the Freee brand. They're only 140kcal and made from proper food that might keep hunger at bay whereas sweets, chocolates, frubes etc. are pretty much empty calories that will make you hungrier and crave more sweet stuff.

I think the biggest thing by far though is movement. My siblings were slim and I was fat. They both played on school sport teams whereas I didn't. I used to get home and watch TV.

So many kids get home from school by 4 and sit on their backside for 4 hours until bedtime. I go out for a walk with my DD every day even if only for 20 minutes. DD likes her bike or scooter for variety. She also plays in an active way.

If obvious sports won't appeal to your DD, things like involving her in gardening, washing the car, coming to the shops with you and helping you carry stuff, vacuuming are all subtle ways to introduce moving more and obvious other benefits too!

Similar situation here OP. I think it's important to establish whether DD is genuinely hungry (then you can address more filling snacks/tweaks to meals) or, like mine, just wants to eat because she likes food/the crunch/is bored etc and wouldn't turn anything down.

I've been trying and failing to turn this around for a long time now. I was the same as a child and really wanted it to be different for my own DC but it's not straightforward. The growth spurts are slowing down now and not even close to evening out. I've read Why We Eat Too Much and it was a bit depressing to be honest. I worry that now the "fat stores" are there, it'll always be a struggle to maintain a healthy weight for DC, who has been consistently on the 95+ centile since birth. I half wonder if some kids are just built this way.

One positive is DC never stops moving, loves being active and is as strong as an ox- being bigger doesn't hold them back and there's no 'wobble' for want of a better word. Far more muscular than me. But as they head towards tween/teen, it's the emotional impact of looking different. There's so much pressure on young people re appearance.

Thank you, it's really good to know I'm not the only one struggling with this.

There's so much judgement from people who have not been in the same position - can see it even on this thread in some earlier posts.

Some really good tips here to help me refocus my efforts.

I just need to know I've done my best for her, and need to avoid Shame at all costs

This is such a complicated subject and I really feel for you. I was your DD and I think I'm coming up to similar problems with one of my daughters.

Unfortunately we all know that any approach you take risks pushing her in the wrong direction - if food was denied I would just steal it and eat in secret. I'm 49 and the truth is I have only just got to grips with my food issues, and it's only because I'm now being treated for ADHD. My food issues disappeared on day one of medication - as did some of my other compulsive issues, and this is the key point. I've come to understand how much of a compulsion it was for me to stuff myself with sugar. It has caused years of self-hatred and I weep now to think of how I spent the last five decades. Only now do I see how food wasn't food to me, I could never see it clearly and all food was linked up with the shame, guilt and self hatred I developed around the subject. I didn't even enjoy what I was eating but somehow my brain desperately needed it like any other addict craving a fix. Now that's all gone and honestly I can't see any other way I would have achieved this freedom (also from my other compulsions) without the medication which is giving my brain what it needs. Obviously there are other effects too but this has been the most emotionally significant thing for me. It's something that's so hard to explain unless you've lived it and is way beyond exerting a bit of 'self-control'. The mental damage it has done to me is hideous, and the revelation of 'normal life' I now have is affecting my entire family.

All of which is to say that if there is some kind of chemical imbalance there then I don't see any meaningful options for you/her as long as that remains untreated. Apart from that I think the only other approach you can take is make a family project of being healthier. Everyone has to be involved and it has to be firmly focused on overall health rather than weight. Unfortunately I can now admit that I would have circumvented that any way I could to be able to stuff myself with sugar at every opportunity so there are no guarantees there either.

@greenwoodpeckerwelcome

Jesus Christ! That sounds extreme.

Our son became quite chubby when he was around the same age.
I upped the fruit, veg, fish and chicken, swapped white pasta (his go to 😁) for whole wheat, same with bread and toast, stopped buttering sandwiches, cut out the full fat yoghurts, introduced skimmed milk. Swapped crisps and tortillas for popcorn (he loved making it in the microwave) and gradually cut down the portion sizes. It wasn’t a big deal, he didn’t really notice. Also bought us both bikes and started doing weekend rides together.

Was well within healthy weight range within 3 or 4 months.

@User5274959 there is a lot of judgement and I truly don't think people understand if they haven't got some sort of experience of it. I've been criticised from every angle and can't seem to do right for doing wrong. One person will say there's nothing wrong and I'll create an eating disorder by focusing on it too much, another will say I'm in charge of what she eats and it's all my fault that DC is destined for a life of obesity and bullying.

I'm interested in health and nutrition and have read about the weight loss jabs. When people talk about food noise, or as pp said about the "compulsion to eat" I see that so clearly in my DC. It's not eating for hunger, it's almost a primal instinct. I've done as much as I feasibly can without making a big deal of it- healthy, high protein meals, snacks are infrequent and mainly vegetable based, we're an active family.

Absolutely not perfect- I think treats in moderation are important, even to me as an adult but definitely to children so they don't feel completely ostracised, but I'm still failing. It's hard, you have my sympathy.

I need advice on this too, and on the OP’s question. I have a very similar DD, who’s 8.

You ultimately hold control over what she eats. If it isn’t in the house she can’t eat it. Also stop letting her just graze and pick what she’d like.

some great after school snacks are:
Rice cakes with peanut butter and either apple or banana slices on top.
Hummus with brown pitta sticks, carrot, pepper, cucumber, celery sticks.
Popcorn.
Home made oat bars using oats, honey, nuts etc (lots of recipes out there)
Boiled eggs.

Get out on the weekend there’s so many great options for moving her body:
The park
Using her bike, roller skates, scooter, skateboard and you can visit skate/bike parks.
Swimming.
Soft play.
Dog walks.
Have a disco at home.
Get toys out in the garden like balls, hula hoops, trampoline etc.
Continue to park further and further away on the school run.

I would also look into your after school routine. It could be that she’s under stimulated and needs more to do. Try mixing it up and going swimming in the evenings if you can. Look into Brownies or girl guides or an evening club at school.

Cross stitching might be a good one to try. She can still decompress after school, but she might forget about food while doing it. I find that hours go by and it satisfies the urge to overeat somehow.

Good luck OP. Whatever you do, please don't make her feel ashamed because it can push her the wrong way.

I would focus on lower carbs, more protein, healthy fats for satiety (so full fat yogurt). Don't try to make her do intense exercise if she doesn't like it, it can just make her hungrier. Walking is best.

Would she be interested in a game like pokemon go? You have to walk around to catch pokemon. It was quite popular a few years ago

The full diet book is a great source for information about this

Can you increase exercise?

I'm currently awaiting an ADHD assessment and I eat when not hungry/bored in order to get my next dopamine "hit". Since I've flagged up to myself what might be happening, I've noticed myself doing it more and more. Reaching for a snack when I'm not hungry.

Some people have more trouble than others regulating their food intake for various reasons, they're not 'greedy' as such. I'm not saying your DD has ADHD, but rather than just cutting down on food, it might be worthwhile thinking of ways to remove the reasons why she's compelled to overeat.

In my case, my brain needs a "buzz". Boring mundane tasks make my brain switch off. I often eat (particularly unhealthy snacks) because it temporarily provides the buzz that my brain needs to get going.

I've worked out that just cutting out the eating doesn't help because I remain bored and unstimulated. I can consciously decide "no, I don't need to eat this, I'm not hungry" and put the snack down, but then I remain unfocused and unmotivated. So it's kind of a "lose-lose" situation for me.

If your DD is in a similar "lose-lose" situation - she can not eat the food but then she remains unstimulated or doesn't get the sensory hit she needs - then obviously self-regulation is going to be quite hard for her.

What I'm trying to work out is less self-destructive ways to get what I need - music, exercise, a warm bath, swimming, going for a walk, crafts, a good book, knitting.

Ensuring that your DD is not hungry (plenty of protein!) and replacing unhealthy foods with healthier options are a good start (protein-rich pancakes are an easy option. Also berries topped with xylitol). As is getting out of the house more and minimising boredom.

But ultimately if she is eating not because she's hungry but because a sensory need of hers isn't being met, she needs to be encouraged to find other ways of meeting her needs before she will be able to better self-regulate.

I have only just got to grips with my food issues, and it's only because I'm now being treated for ADHD. My food issues disappeared on day one of medication

Interesting. My (formerly) overweight child is on the eternal waiting list for ADHD assessment, as strongly suggested by her university. My underweight child has ASD, diagnosed in early childhood. It's genuinely harder to deal with compulsion and aversion around food than it is to deal with 'bit plump through circumstances', I think.

Find a sport. Something that builds core strength. If you can't restrict her intake, you'll have to increase her expenditure.

Find something she will WANT to do. For us it was horse riding. I started, dropped a stone in 3 months then the kids started wanting to go.

What about Tumbling? A lot of kids do that. There's a group on YouTube with a few overweight girls in it and they do just as well as the smaller girls.

A cycling group? Days out on bikes as a family?

What does she like to do?

I’ve been that kid too and there’s some really good advice on here. A few observations though
Getting her active should be about enjoying the experience etc and not to promote weight loss. It will make little difference anyway unless you overhaul her diet .. and may make her more hungry!
I agree you shouldn’t ban snacks but you should step in when you know she’s probably not hungry. You are also perfectly entitled to say she can’t help herself without asking to things like bread and cereal because they are expensive and have to last a week etc. There's some behavioural boundaries that you need to set
Your other children might not be overweight etc but they will still benefit nutritionally from overhauling the family diet

The first thing I would do is look at your family week. Is being active and getting out and about and healthy eating important as a whole family? Cut down heavily on ultra processed foods for everyone - you said your meals are healthy and not too big so that’s really good so really focus on snacks (if any needed!)

I would try and make breakfast really filling and full of protein:
porridge
overnight oats
eggs and toast (sourdough maybe)
avocado toast
low sugar beans on toast

Then no snacks until lunchtime. If she reallyyyy needs a snack then just a piece of fruit.

Lunch I guess is mainly at school? If at home a good sized lunch with protein and carbs and veg.

If she’s not exercising much I don’t think an afternoon snack is really needed however I know after they’re been busy at school or they’ve been out on a weekend walk/bike ride they can get super hungry so for after school snack or exercise snack:

• small bowl of soup and toast fingers to dip
• bowl of a low sugar cereal
• veg sticks, bread sticks and hummus
• small sandwiches or wrap - tuna, cheese, cream cheese and cucumber
• Pizza wrap - wrap with tomato puree on and a sprinkle of cheese in the air frier
• cheese on toast

Maybe some fruit with the above. Definetly only needed for active days.

She needs to move lots every single day - park after school, walks, bike rides, softplay, out in the garden, could swimming or gymnastics lessons be an option? Make your weekend Saturday or Sunday mornings about being out and about - park run as a family is a great shout! Look up local walks. National trusts to run about.

Another left field suggestion but have you tried probiotics? Seems to be some research to suggest obesity is as much to do with biome as genetics. So some bacteria in the gut love sugar, and cause the body to crave sugar. But if you manage to replace them with other bacteria then cravings reduce. So prebiotics, probiotics and fermented foods/ drinks like kefir instead of yoghurt or unpasteurised kombucha.

At 9 she only eats what you buy for her. She shouldn't be helping herself to food at home. Remove any unhealthy snacks, and ensure she asks you before being given anything rather than helping herself. Get her moving more, playing outside, going for family walks, go swimming etc.

Just thinking outside the box here, but does she actually need/want dinner at the same time as everyone else, later in the evening? Or is she satiated with the snacks, then just eating dinner because it's expected?

If she's hungry after school and snacking at that point, could you try letting her have a simple meal then (porridge and fruit, reheated leftovers, something on toast, etc), and then see what happens if she skips having a full dinner later? She might be happy enough with two lighter meals, then fasting (overnight) for a longer period until breakfast. And that'll correspondingly bring her calories down.

Depending on your financial situation, we accidentally found a lot of success by getting a walking treadmill at home. You can get ones that fold away, if space is an issue. We set it up in front of the TV, and the kids fight over who gets to walk on the treadmill while they're watching!