Overweight child - has anyone actually succeeded in getting child to lose weight? (Or stop gaining)

[User5274959]

Dd is 9 yrs 10 months
152cm tall
52kg which on the nhs kids bmi calculator puts her at the 95th centile which is well in to the overweight category.

Has anyone successfully improved a similar situation?

She is one of 3 dc and the others are not overweight. She has asd and I believe eats partly as a sensory thing and just doesn't have an off switch.

Meals are healthy and not big portions.

Snacks can be an issue.

Not naturally active, does one martial arts class a week.

School is not walkable but I'm going to start parking further away.

So far have been trying to make subtle changes without making a thing of it but don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

Her waist measurement is also disproportionately large.

Why are you letting her have free access to snacks? Surely the simple answer is to put all food she would ‘graze’ on out of reach. Move bread/cereal where she can’t get to it. You seem to be paying lip service to making an effort but not actually making any substantial changes.

I do appreciate all the advice even if some of it is a bit frustrating.

Obviously I've told her she needs to ask before taking a snack, she doesn't.

Obviously we've tried I think every sports club at school, she doesn't want to go.

I will keep at it,

I have mentioned before about full feeling, being hungry before a meal, what happens if you eat more energy than you use etc.
I will double down on efforts to put food out of reach but how realistic is it in a house with 2 older kids to have no cereal, bread etc within reach. Then there's things like yogurt in the fridge.

Some interesting comments - no school is not going great and there is definitely a time of decompression when she gets home.

It's costly but I think the after school club would help and just generally keeping her more busy and out of the house.

Looking back at my own experience I honestly don't know if my mum could have done anything different other than not make me feel ashamed about it and like it was my fault

I've seen lots of girls at that age (my dd included) that put on weight at that age. Nothing else had changed in terms of food or exercise. Then suddenly within 9 months they had a growth spurt and it all evened out. It could be pre pubescent hormones.

Try to up protein and healthy fats to keep her fuller and not craving carbs. Switch bread to thinner sliced (wholemeal) so a sandwich is still a sandwich in her mind but it's less calories.

Lots of small gradual changes and hopefully you can keep her on an even keel.

I had boys but they always filled out then up, not sure if girls do the same, she's also getting to the point where puberty might start kicking in so she might have hormonal issues too.

What after school snack do you recommend?

I oscillate between thinking one substantial snack that's healthy but has calories eg Greek yogurt, that will hopefully keep her full (doesn't seem to work)

Or low calorie like veg sticks or fat free yogurt that's lower calorie but may not fill her up. She does actually eat fruit well but goes over board eg punnet of grapes if not supervised or a big bowel of frozen mango pieces.

Ice poles/rocket ice lollies are low calorie treat and take time to eat might be good as a treat option.

Encourage drinking water instead of snacking. Sometimes people confuse thirst with hunger.

Parking further away and being more active in general also helpful. As she gets fitter she may be more interested in sports or dance.

This is kind of the approach I've taken eg full fat Greek yogurt, but then she still seems to have too much volume.

I don't buy normal bread: we got into bagels and I've been letting her have one per day (either for breakfast or after school) but I think the bagels need to go.

Other than that we have wraps and those little rolls that we do in the air fryer as needed

I was your DD and mum took me to her weekly slimming club - please don’t do this!
I also ate in secret, stole food, binged on bread despite my mum’s best efforts to control my eating. Looking back it was definitely a comfort thing and an act of defiance - comfort because I was an outsider my whole childhood and bullied on and off because of it, defiance because I was constantly corrected by my mum and given the impression that being fat was the worst ‘crime’ I could commit. I think subconsciously I got fat on purpose to see if she would still love me 🙁
I swapped food for cigarettes aged 14 so the weight came off (I do not recommend this either!) but also found some real friends and felt a level of acceptance I never had previously.
Is everything else ok with your DD? I’ve got one a similar age and the friendship stuff is starting to get rough, the hormones are kicking in and she is definitely needing more comfort and understanding but not wanting to admit it.

If she is a grazer, could her dinner be a grazing board she has when she gets home from school? She then wouldn’t sit with the family for an evening meal. You could discuss this idea with her and see what she thinks because she is really having two dinners if she is snacking and then following it up with a meal. My daughter loves to snack and would prefer a ‘plate’ to graze on directly after school rather than a meal with us later.

With the autism she struggles with her feelings and friendships but has a couple of good friends. She is unhappy at school and it's often very challenging to get her there, she can be quite distressed when she comes out.
So yes there's all that going on, an element of comfort eating I think but also the sensory element.

She is one of 3 dc and the others are not overweight. She has asd and I believe eats partly as a sensory thing and just doesn't have an off switch.
You could be describing my autistic DS including the having 2 siblings who aren't over weight. Until recently he was very active, but still overweight then had some stuff going on that meant he rarely left the house for a couple of months and he put on a lot of weight. His eating isn't that much more than his brotherd, he just seems to put on weight really easily and hang on to it. I don't have any answers, I've reduced portion size and added more veggies and less carbs and we've started some new physical activities, but to early to tell if it's making a difference. I more just want to stabilise his weight so his next growth spurt will even things out a bit. He's just startrd to cut down himself now because of some nasty kids who have made fun of him for being fat. Told me he lied to his dad this morning and said he made lunch then took nothing to eat, which is worrying. I've said it's fine to cut down but not to eat nothing all day.
For the chewing sensory thing have you tried any chewy jewellery or other sensory chewing products? My kids use them sometimes but mostly prefer sugar free chewing gum which I've been making sure he has a supply to chew rather than snacking.

The nuclear option - locks on fridge and cupboards. Or (and I appreciate this is a pain to organise) daily food deliveries so that you use that day's supplies, and there's nothing else around the house until tomorrow.

OP - I was also your DD and it's hard for parents. Don't mention her eating habits and you're neglectful, but mention them and you're abusive and shaming her. Try and exert subtle control and they'll spot it and find you controlling.

But, on a more constructive note, she seems to crave carbs. I did too. It was bread and breakfast cereal that made me fat. I used to eat multiple bowls of an evening

I did Zoe as an adult, and my worst scoring foods were breakfast cereal and rice cakes, which makes sense to me as I find that cereal leaves me wanting to eat more. Oats/porridge unfortunately have the same effect. However, if I have eggs, then my blood sugar is stable.

Do instead, how about trying a savoury/protein breakfast like eggs, omelettes or even homemade blueberry pancakes (no/v. little sugar) and then plan an afterschool snack which won't give her cravings. If breakfast and the main meal have protein she will be much less likely to crave carbs.

Stop buying breakfast cereal other than weetabix, and have plain popcorn, buts and fruit as snacks. Dark chocolate is also good as it gives the hit but without the cravings.

That sounds like a great way to create entrenched food issues for life.

Or how about all the cupboards are locked and her slimmer siblings can have the key and she can't.

Thank you, and yes she likes her chew necklace. I haven't seen it for a while but will find it and make sure it's available after school.

Something that works for my similar DS is to go on walks with me (get comfy shoes and underwear that stops painful chaffing on their thighs if necessary). On the walks I just let him go on and on about his special interests and he finds that very satisfying. Initially we did it with a goal of him being able to complete his DofE but now it's a regular habit. A personal trainer has also worked wonders as it means that he wasn't comparing himself against much different children. The final one was getting into a niche sport which suits his body type.
The food stuff is hard and only gets harder once they are in secondary school. I've never truly got on top of it. He is still overweight but he is very strong and pretty fit. We never have crisps or biscuits and only occasionally have homemade cake in the house. I try to make sure we reduce upf as much as possible...
Good luck op you're not alone.

@Barleypilaf yes you're right on the carbs and I'm like that too. We have eggs every Sunday night but maybe should expand that. She likes eggs.
(Been quietly on mounjaro now at a low dose for 8 months and lost weight slowly)

Is it cold there, in the dark ages? 😩

I’d make a grazing board or snack box. 2x rice cakes with a scraping or peanut butter on, veggie sticks with a bit of hummus and some cubes of cheese. You could even get a few pretzels to add onto the plate/box. The idea is it’s portioned up and there are no extra, they can eat all of this but that’s it until dinner.

Im presuming you all eat dinner together so it just needs to tide her over until then, smaller portions of carbs at dinner but not noticeably so then a huge plate of fruit and fat free natural yogurt after.

If the weathers nice I would be getting the kids out for a quick walk after dinner, they can scoot or bike etc and it only needs to be for 15/20 minutes.

its very easy for me to comment as I don’t know what the home dynamic is so a walk may not be suitable so you could do a dance game on the tv or play a game in the garden weather permitting.

Oh why don't you tell her you want to try some new exercises to make you feel fit and strong, ask her to do it with you. There's a youtuber emkfit, she does all kinds of videos, lots of themes of music so you're bound to be able to find something which would appeal to her. She talks about being strong, and very much encourages you to keep going even if you can't do a particular move - fake it till you make it kind of thing. She shows different levels as well so could work for all abilities with a little imagination

My DS(11) had similar issues with his AS and ADHD. He'd eat snacks continuously if he were allowed. I've set a time for him for midmorning and afternoon where he can have a snack but no more. It seems to be working and he looks slimmer. But I do get mithered from 2 oclock onwards about if it's snack time yet and how he's dying of starvation.

It's worth a go. I find egg-based breakfasts a gamechanger. My office has lots of sugary snacks and if I have had no breakfast/carby breakfast, then I'm back to the carb-craving teenager. However, if I have had scrambled eggs then I can happily walk by.

Do you think she might have a problem with her blood sugars OP?

And I know everyone recommends fruit which is a better option than chocolate for sure, but a lot of it is still a sugar hit and might not be the best for her current circumstance. I'm not saying fruit isn't generally good for you. Fruit that is slower to eat and more fibrous is a better bet than things like grapes as you can eat a lot of those in one go but you can't manage more than 1 apple for example.

The snack board idea is a good one as you can include small amounts of her favourites and overall it will look like a lot. Dates tend to be slower release and are sweet and chewy so a couple of those with some meat, cheese, a couple of crackers and a couple of dates. I also eat dark chocolate chips (85% plus) and a few of those gives a nice hit.

There will be lots of factors at play, she's autistic, maybe not that happy, craving carbs, approaching puberty etc. It might take a while to get noticeable change but you can chip away at it slowly.

OP I feel for you. It’s so hard when one child is so different physically to their siblings. I know this myself.

My physical hunger has always been extremely different to my siblings - even as an adult. I had the healthiest diet, ate the smallest portions and moved the most. Really. My parents are HCP and knew their stuff. They ran marathons for fun.

My ‘calories in calories out’ was ideal. After 44yrs of battle I used Mounjaro. Turns out I only needed 800 calories per day. Not sustainable for me without meds. I’ve maintained my new healthy weight for a while now. It fascinates me.

The reason I mention this is that I think we are just at the start of understanding obesity. I remember when a colleague ‘discovered’ the ‘obesity gene’ - I was thrilled. My thin colleagues scoffed and said it was only making a 10kg ish difference to people. TEN KILOS!!!

You are doing the right thing with trying to help DD. It’s just her hunger is real to her and her calorie needs are probably very very low compared to her siblings. This is purely based on my own experiences so I don’t have solutions for you, but I do understand.

We had this and what helps is keeping busy with activities that she can’t eat during. Less movie nights and reading sessions and baking, more walks to the shops and trips to the park and painting and helping with gardening etc. Being out of the house as much as possible helped.

Doing proper physical exercise sessions like organised sports just made her hungrier.