TRIGGER Warning child SA

[Quietlywatching]

My head is pretty busy at the moment so I'll try my best to keep this short.

My child has disclosed physical and sexual abuse from her father. He is out the picture now. I'm unsure how far this went, there was touching maybe possibly penetrative.

I've never been in this situation before. I have contacted my GP and I'm going to hear back from them tomorrow but i think i just need to post this to get it out of my head.

Is anyone experienced in this situation, because I'm not.

Would she benefit from an examination, what is there is scarring, would that cause her issues as she grows?

Does she need to have an STI test?

She is on the ASD pathway, i don't want to traumatise her further but i don't want to cause her an issue down the line with her health by not doing anything.

Thanks for reading. And hopefully just writing this out will help clear my mind as I'm going around in circles.

Ime sadly you need to ring the police. Do not question your dd any further whatsoever.... She absolutely will be believed...
If you choose to do nothing then frankly you are failing her.. Massively...
Your world will be chaos for a while but in time your dd will be more than fine. But it needs dealt with. She needs to be heard and believed to heal. You will be guided to a suitable professional to help with this. Take all the support you can. The faster it is dealt with the less damage to her mh. And yours.... Please trust me.

Call the police, they will have lots of professionals who will know the best options for your daughter and be able to support you too.

Err police?!

@Saddm the authorities are already involved and all that is progressing. It's just the medical that I'm wondering about.

The police wanted a medical, social services advised against it. I wasn't aware of this discussion, it was only when i raised it with the police this week. This is why I've contacted my GP for their opinion.

I wasn't too concerned about a medical at first until i discovered this week that it could possibly have been penetrative.

Not sure why ss said no..my dc was examined at the hospital.. Wasn't a big deal to dc... Very well managed situation.. I would suggest you speak to your Dr.. Maybe a telephone appointment? See what they suggest. But the more evidence the better imo. Ss haven't been great ime. Suggested the sex offender exh had in his house would have been a nice catch up for our dc.... Use your own judgement...

@Saddm the GP is contacting me tomorrow. SS have been rubbish, I've had to get a new one due to the attitude of the first one. Thanks for your reply. Hope your dc is healing well from this.

@WishOnAStarr the police are involved. I'm asking about the medical from people who have experience in this situation.

Our sw was so very young. We had to go in her car to the appointment.. She had passed her driving test that week.. The journey was more terrifying than the appointment.. She verbally navigated us to the hospital.. She should imo have never been given our case.. We only saw her twice then the police liason dealt with everything after that. Police were actually amazing. The support was great. We and dc were well supported... No negative things to say about the entire case. Which did go to court....

I'm currently going through this. My DD has had a medical, an ABE interview and another one next week. The police arranged everything, there has been a lack of support though.

You do have to consent to the medical depending on age of DD, and she's allowed no contact with ex as part of bail conditions and he's not allowed unsupervised contact with my other children

Oh dear me poor thing! Is there someone in SS you can phone to ask why they advise against?

@Saddm that does sound hard, almost like you can't relax at the time when you needed to. Tbh the police have been great with us too.

@DaisyG20 we've had the interview this week, that's when i asked the police about the medical. Do you mind me asking how your child found the medical?

@LegoBingo I'm hoping to hear from the ss this week. I have a new sw now so hopefully things will improve from here. I think it may be because they didn't think there had been penetration, but that's a possibility now.

@Quietlywatching she was worried at first and initially refused to have her privates looked at, but did eventually agree. The medical is to make sure they are ok and healthy, rather than to look for "evidence" and if anything is found that supports the case then that's a bonus.

She was weighed and measured, they looked at her body for any birth marks, moles or injuries, then she had to get undressed and into a gown for the medical. They took swabs and a blood test too.

@DaisyG20 thanks for sharing that, i do appreciate it as i know its not the easiest of discussions. I hope everything was ok health wise. I think that's my fear that I'll miss something and it will cause her ill health or issues later on.

Sorry for you and your DC. Do what is recommended. I experienced child CSA and when having a smear test sobbed for days after. So don't assume a medical will be "fine".

@NewYearStillFat thank you for sharing this with me. I am concerned that she might struggle with a medical. It's so hard to know what is the correct decision to make. I do hope that you have received the support that you needed.

The need for an intimate medical examination would be determined by a discussion between police, social services, and paediatricians who specialise in child protection. It still requires your consent (or the child's, if he/she is old enough and able to understand).

If it went ahead it would be done by specialists with lots of extra training including on intellectual disability / other aspects of neurodiversity so would expect it to be kind and sensitive.

If determined to be important for your child's case, I would expect someone either expertise in these cases to discuss with you directly what is involved.

@Unseenentity I'd had no communication about it until i spoke with the police at the interview. Before that I'd been taking her to my GP for any concerns i had with regards to possible injuries, the GP was then questioning why no medical had been done. The police wanted a medical but SS said not to, but i don't know if that will change with the possibility that it might have been penetrative.

Thank you for your response.

It's good that your GP is trying to keep you plugged into what's going on, I am confused why the other communications haven't been a bit more clear. In the jargon, there should be / have been a "strategy discussion" between the relevant agencies (social services, police, health), you should be able to ask for an update on this consisting of more than "nothing is happening". Sometimes they are waiting for more info from specific agencies eg police enquiries.

It was 20 years ago now and I'd say it doesn't impact me - expect for the unexpected reminders like smear tests randomly triggering me. I can't even always explain why. It's embarrassing - it's not all the time - this was because I need a cell biopsy and was in stirrups in a huge room with several members of staff. Something about it took me back,

Have you contacted rape crisis or anywhere else to get support for your DD?

@Unseenentity i had some issues with the sw with her communication and approach to me so much that i had to remind her that i was the non offending parent. I think this might be why it's not as seamless as it could have been. I was told told last week that i have a new sw, so I'm hopeful that things will improve. Although prior to last week i thought it was non penetrative so maybe that also influenced their decision.

@NewYearStillFat it's so hard when the triggers are unexpected and you can't prepare for it. I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm not 100% sure it was penetrative or not. I had contacted the local SARC centre when she told me, but they said i couldn't refer her and it had to come through the sw, who i didn't really have communication with. My dc is on the waiting list for the NSPCC programme, which sounds really good.