6 year old wishes they were dead 😢

[HomeAgainPlease]

Any advice for how to respond to statements like that? Doctors arranged for January and play therapy but in the meantime I’m not sure if I’m doing the right stuff. I tell her I’d be very sad if she was dead. More sad than anything else could make me. I love being her Mum and she’s clever and funny and kind and lovely. I tell her all the different people who love her and that I’m going to keep finding ways to help her until she feels better again and I won’t stop until she does. Does that sound like a sensible response?

They said she can wear ear defenders but she finds them too tight. So I’ve ordered some ear muffs instead that arrived yesterdays. So she’ll take them to school tomorrow. I’ll speak to them about a space she can escape to instead of the cloakroom & obviously she worries she’ll get in trouble when she hides in there as she’s supposed to be in class.

@BarkLife thank you. I missed your reply earlier sorry. do you think it may be an indication of neurodiversity then?

Hi Op, it's tough. My DD yr5 has struggled from Yr1. Lock down started in Reception. ASD and ADHD in both sides of our family. Last year Yr4 was hell, soo distressing for us both getting her into school. But her school were brilliant, she had a lovely lady meet her at the door every day , and spent 20mins in a Thrive classroom with her, talking, drawing, feeding the guinea pigs. Time she could work outside the classroom when it became overwhelming. My DD was diagnosed with ASD in April. This September in Yr5 she is doing much better, she started to wear ear defenders, you can get Loop ones that go in the ear. She has her off days but not as bad as before. The next hurdle we now face are periods and secondary school!!!

@HomeAgainPlease

I can't say for certain (I'm a SENDCo not a psychologist) but going by your DD's emotional overwhelm alone, I would recommend a visit to the GP. In our area, schools refers to CAMHS, so this might be the pathway for you.

I had this with my son at about 9 - autistic and overwhelmed by mainstream, although they had an excellent senco and tried hard. Your story about making her do the play is so heartbreaking. These kids take very seriously the promise that they don't have to do it. Although the teachers mean well, they are undermining her trust in school - adding more and more frightening uncertainty in a school day that is probably already overwhelming.

We moved to special - was the right move for us.

I hope he’s much happier now. Any suggestions on how to politely explain to the school that when they tried to encourage her and when they told the whole year group that they were proud of them because no one “let the school down” because everyone remembered their lines and sang. That they just made her feel even worse and even more worried about the performances still to come? I don’t want them to think I’m mad, or having a go, or a nightmare parent or just totally wrong. I do want them to understand how it made her feel though.

I’ll definitely look at the loop ones thanks. It’s lovely to read school were so good with her.

How is your daughter doing now, sorry for picking up an old thread - but hope she’s doing well. I am going through the same with my 6.5 year old and she has been telling me at night that she doesn’t want to be alive anymore. No one is helping or listening and I don’t know where to turn! Can see you had some great advice here.

Sorry your daughter is feeling the same. It’s so hard to hear as a parent isn’t it. My daughter is actually a little better thankfully. She’s having an assessment with a counsellor soon, then will have some sessions after that. I’m not sure how many at the moment. This was through the GP and didn’t take as long as I thought it would.
School are starting to be more helpful as well. She’s panicking a lot about moving to Junior school in September. What she’s mostly saying now is that she’s “weird” and other children tell her she is and that she’s got a weird voice. She speaks very properly if that makes sense. Where as we live in a working class northern town. So she does sound different. Adults often ask her where she was born. She’s used to that now, but I know it upsets her.
I try my best to give her loads of TLC. Loads of cuddles and play silly games. We do activities just the 2 of us and she has time with just her Dad as well.

@HomeAgainPlease thanks so much for coming back to me! It’s truly horrible. I think we’re finally getting somewhere with understanding why she might be feeling this way, there’s some not nice things going on in the school unfortunately. They have not been very helpful so far despite repeated requests for help. Trying to keep home as lovely as possible for her and spend lots of time with her and ensure she feels heard - she seems to feel very let down by people who are supposed to be looking after her. I’m so sorry the other children made her feel that way - that must be heartbreaking to hear. I have a feeling something similar is happening with my daughter. The GP has done a referral to CAHMS but I know the waitlist is long if she was even to get accepted.

School is such a big part of their day isn’t it. We found someone private to do some sessions with her initially, but I’m not sure how helpful that was to be honest. She was very reluctant to go to them. In our area Barbados do some sessions on behalf of CAMHS so that meant we were waiting months instead of years.
My eldest was finding school very hard, he is ND, so we moved them both 18 months ago. It was definitely the right decision. So I would definitely consider that if there are other schools locally you could get her to. I’ve also been giving her the odd day off when she needs it. Although half the time she wants to go in after lunch. She finds lunch very stressful, so once she knows that’s out of the way she often asks to go which is a great sign of course. When I was finding things hard for my older child with school we had help from a local SEND advocate in dealing with school. So it might be worth you ringing SENDIAS for support. They can go to meetings at school with you and support families of children with medical conditions which of course depression and anxiety are as well as SEND. I hope you find a way through things really soon.

@Corilee2806

I posted upthread at the end of last year. My DD thankfully doesn't feel so bad any more but looking back she was just completely overwhelmed at the time with a couple of things going on.

My DD struggles with school at times. She hasn't naturally fallen into a friendship group. Her self esteem is rubbish. The kids in her class are mostly lovely and I think if DD was less awkward she'd be ok but she's just not found her place really so flits from playing with one group to the next or spends quite a bit of time on her own.

Something I'm trying to do is to arrange meeting up with some friends who are not from school who she has a brilliant time with. That way she gets a reminder that actually she is fun to be with and there are people who do want to be friends with her and where they will play for hours really happily. It gives her self esteem a boost and a day having fun is a great tonic.

Thank you for this. This is really helpful.

OP there are also books on CBT aimed at parents of young children that may help.

Thanks so much for your replies, it really helps to know we’re not alone. We are looking at other smaller schools - we think both our children are ND and the bigger school they are currently in just isn’t seeming like it’s the right thing for them long term. Especially how they have responded to the concerns I’ve raised. My daughter told me something on Thursday which now gives a bit of a clue as to what’s going on and has triggered some support and action finally being offered. It could be the thing that’s completely overwhelming her. I didn’t make her go in yesterday - agree the odd day off can be beneficial. We are about to hit the absence trigger though.

Also think that’s a great point about friendships outside of school. My daughter seems to have struggled to find her tribe this year, I think she finds playtimes overwhelming. But she enjoys the clubs she does and has been telling me about new friends she’s made at one she does at the weekend so I think that’s something to encourage.

I would try hypnosis to see what sparked it