Help! Why has my son started wetting himself

[neversplitapole]

Hello

just looking for some advice and reassurance.

my son is 8 and has suddenly started wetting himself at school. Every day he has an excuse, but all his excuses are choices he has made because the alternative option didn’t suit him.
I feel lost on how to help him. I’ve tried to speak to him to see if anything is upsetting him, he promises there isn’t.
I’ve tried bribing him with rewards for being dry. I’ve spoken to the teacher to make sure he can use the toilet whenever needed

i Feel like it can’t be a medical issue (he’s never done this before, only for the last month or so) but also feel like if it’s an emotional / behavioral issue I don’t know how to help him stop doing this as he’s unwilling to discuss it. Honestly, he acts like he doesn’t care that he’s doing it and it’s not his problem.

for context he’s never been dry at night. Gp seems unconcerned by this and we have always played this down as he’s an extremely heavy sleeper but now I’m wondering if his body doesn’t have that signal telling his brain to go.
when I asked him how he knows he needs to pee he says it’s when he starts dancing around. But doesn’t seem to have any signs of needing before this

please send me tips on how to break this cycle 🙏🏻

Is it only at school? I also wouldn't rule out a medical reason, especially as it's only been happening for a month. My first suspicion would be a UTI making weeing much more urgent, so I'd speak to the doctor about that.

Hi @neversplitapole - my 11yo DS had the same urinary issues when he was little (just growing out of it now). Our GP suspected UTI but it wasn’t, so we were sent for an US of his bladder which showed some residual urine left in the bladder after emptying. We were then referred to the paediatric urinary incontinence team who have been great; he is now on medication to help him control his bladder as they suspect that his bladder never held enough urine as he was growing (he would just go for a wee without holding on for long), so any urine would irritate his bladder.

I would ask for a referral to the paed incontinence team and see what they say. Also, check out ERIC - there is so much helpful advice here that we were signposted to.

@Baxterbaxter spot on. The only other thing I might add is rule out constipation as it can be putting pressure on the bladder

Thanks for your replies

yes only at school - but we actively remind him at home so possibly we are masking the issue. Or maybe not and it’s something in his head that makes it different at school.

we are seeing GP today and have been told to take a urine sample. Hopefully this will either confirm or rule out that issue and there will be next steps from there.

from what he says, he doesn’t know he needs until he’s bursting then needs to go right then and there so there isn’t any room for planning. This definitely hasn’t been an issue before though. We often go on long car journeys etc and while there’s been the odd mishap, in general he’s able to hold it until we can get to a toilet

UTI
Constipation
Not fully trained in the first place if he still
needs reminders

Firstly he needs an agreement t with the teacher that he can go to to toilet as soon as he needs to without having to wait to ask

Lots of DC have this in place

Secondly he needs to start bladder training ie holding it in a bit longer and longer each time but maybe start this off at home not school

But yes it could be the signals aren't working properly to let him know his bladder is filling up

Never dry at night is a huge issue.

You need to batter down the doctor's door and get him disguised and treated for whatever is wrong.

*diagnosed..

My DD has poor introspection and doesn't realise she needs to go until she's desperate, but this has always been an issue. Saying that it rarely causes issues now as she knows this so always goes at break and lunch at school, and will go before going out if she knows there won't be a toilet.

Thanks

it’s defo not uti or constipation and he was fully trained. He was potty trained and 3 and this has never been an issue until the last month or so

Poor soul! How did you work out that’s what the problem was?

Thanks - that’s good to know. I’ll keep an eye on that

Yes you’re right. We actually already have an agreement with the teacher….but she’s off sick and the handover clearly hasn’t been handed over properly so I think I need to go back to the school

He was fully potty trained as a toddler. This has only been an issue for the last month or so after not being an issue for YEARA

I would say if he needs reminders at home then you've not trained him properly. Potty training to teaching them to recognise when they need to go not just sending then to the bathroom on command!

I'd start by telling him he needs to go at break and lunch even if he's not dancing just to stop the accidents. I'm suprised he's not embarrassed at 8 and trying to stop the accidents himself. Is he well in all other ways? Growth spurt recently or weight gain? I think they can put kids off knowing their bodies for a bit.

Is he drinking more OP, tired, getting any thinner? Sweet smelling breath?

If so you may want to consider Type 1 diabetes if the GP hasn’t already ruled that out by checking urine for glucose at your appointment today?

I only say that as my DS had a day time wee accident a few weeks before he was diagnosed because he was drinking a lot more, couldn’t hold it and wasn’t close to a loo at that particular time. He was quite a bit older than your DS, it was only once but it was very odd although it made sense when he was diagnosed.

Type 1 is often not diagnosed until weeks or months after the immune system has started attacking the pancreas so symptoms can start a while before diagnosis.

It is a serious and life threatening condition so if you think he may fit the symptoms (although my DS didn’t until he was at dangerous levels), please get immediate medical advice via 111 tonight.

Hopefully I’m way off but if there is no other explanation for him suddenly starting to have accidents in the day, better to discount it than not. There has been a lot of new diagnoses since Covid with no determinable hereditary connection as we were told after DS’s diagnosis.

Have you just started prompting at home recently or has he been used to it for a while? If it’s changed, what made you change it? Just wondering if you can pin point a change.

trust me - I went through the potty training pain and he was potty trained. He’s not my only child, failure to potty training isn’t the issue. I’d assume if it was then he’d have been wetting himself for the last 5 years and not just the last month

he had an unrelated operation in the summer but Gp doesn’t seem to think that would have any impact. I personally think the operation has emotionally impacted him, he was very traumatised for a good few weeks after and now just a few months later this has started

but no weight gain or anything physical and if it is something like that, he’s not willing to talk to us about it :(

Has he suddenly become more aware of the state of the toilets at school? Mine are in secondary now but used to regularly say how disgusting the boys toilets were. Or are boys teasing each other/ being badly behaved in the toilets and he's nervous to use them?

Hope you get to the bottom of it

we started prompting him because he started wetting himself at school so we are obviously more aware of his habits and the signs he needs and trying to get him into good habits (and I feel like if we’re taking the same approach at school and at home then that will help him get into a routine)

he’s always been one to wait until the last second - usually (I assumed at least) because he didn’t want to stop what he was doing to go to the toilet. This seems to be fairly common amongst boys from what friends with boys the same age have told me.

He does have an issue if he wets at night. At 8 that’s a cause for investigation.

Thank you for your message - DR Google had suggested this and it’s something we asked the GP to test for x

he has a sleep apnea and the night time bed wetting was put down to being related to this.
I have seen GP numerous times about it and they’ve never been concerned due to his age

he had an operation in the summer and the hope was that this operation would impact his general health and possibly change his sleeping habits and this could stop the bed wetting but obviously that’s not happened

i I have ordered a bed wetting alarm but again at GP today, they weren’t concerned that he wets the bed at his age. There just doesn’t seem to be any support with this - it’s not like I haven’t tried but when they medical professionals don’t think it’s an issue it’s hard to know how to move forward

Could be medical. My daughter started wetting at 6. She has only just after lots of waiting lists and treatments been diagnosed with overactive detruser muscle which we are told the overactivity can't kick in between age 6-8. She is havigg treatment now, not sure it will go but the treatment helps. She wets day and night. Google the charity 'Eric' there is lots of information there.