8 year old autistic son and social services

[Julija198803]

Hello
I have an 8 year old son he got diagnoses with autism at 5 years old. He still wearing pull ups all the time. And he doesn't take showers or baths. I have to wipe him down. By gp we been referred to bowel and continence team. We had 5 appointments with a team and now she referred us to early help. Today I received a phone call from social services. She asked some questions like what do I think is wrong with my son, when I said he got autism she sounded like she didn't know that. I don't know what I'm trying to ask but I'm so scared of social services. All I was trying to do is get a support I need but not a social services. Am I in some kind of trouble because of my little boys toilet problems and hygiene? She said she will call me on Monday to tell me what's been decided, but I can't sleep because I'm so worried about it. Is there anybody else been in similar situations?

Thank you

Please be reassured that you have done nothing wrong.

There are disabilities Social Workers and it might be that she is coming out to see what they can do to help

I would strongly suggest joining some fb groups for autism as your son hating the feel of water on his skin is quite common and it’s due to sensory issues

There are various things you can try and these groups are so good at giving pointers or coming up w new ideas

Early help are part of children's social care but it's worlds away from social services.
I imagine it was a family support worker who called you if you've been referred to EH? They will support you, visit you at home, refer you to support groups etc
They are a wonderful service and hopefully will offer you some much needed support op.

This made me laugh. Glad there was some sensible replies. My son is now 9 and for years now we can't bath him unless he wants to. We wouldn't even be able to clean him with a wet wipe unless he wants us to.

Woman who called she did say she was a social worker not early help worker. That's why I'm panicking if asking for help put me in trouble. But if I'll get help for me and my son I'm happy and scared about it all at the same time.

I think it is v hard for those with NT children to understand the difference between their own child not liking baths and having a tantrum and an autistic child who is actually terrified and cannot cope with the sensation. I have autistic children and my eldest was bnon verbal and really struggled with sensory issues. He did when younger really struggle with baths. Forcing him into the bath would have potentially caused injury to me or him. I think though op that you do need someone to help you get him desentisized to this to some degree as wiping him down won't work as he is getting older.

I can't remember how we cracked it but I do recall he would first accept to sit or stand in a v shallow bath. I used to squeeze or dribble water from a flannel onto his hair to wash it with a tiny bit of diluted baby shampoo. Gradually we increased it to using a baby sized cup to dampen and clean his hair. Eventually he became compketely comfortable and now swims and uses baths with no issues at all. I would ask if you can be referred to the learning disability nursing team. In my area they were lovely and had also seen all these problems before.

As for ss I understand completely your feelings. I put off help for years because I didn't trust them. However we did eventually need one for older ds and the social worker we ended up with was brilliant. She was kind and really helped us access much needed help and funding. If possible try and get one who is part of the disabled children's team

My eldest son (profoundly autistic) had a child in need plan throughout his childhood. It gave me access to SS support to access the extras to help him I could not on my own. This included a one to one special needs childminder for a few hours a week respite when he was very small, special holiday clubs for children whose disabilities caused challenging behaviours, a named social worker who liased between his special school and CAHMS, some were lovely and IMHO some deserved it when they tried to get him to talk and he sank his teeth in them. His better social workers arranged access to holiday locations set up that could contain him, grants for safety equipment such as a special needs car seat, and acted as the gateway so I could access special training to manage his complex needs and challenging behaviours. the last was an absolute game changer. Being verbal can be complex echolia used in the right kind of places rather than an indication of understanding. My son has a very severe communication disorder rather than language or speech difficulties and that truly impacted every aspect of his life. It might be worth asking for a referral to a specialist SALT to find ways to explain why washing etc matters and find out what scares him about it.

Yes it’s scary and yes you feel like you could have failed as a parent but some kids on the autistic spectrum need far more support and help to stand a chance when they become adults than others. At the time I was gutted that his Child Psych made a referral to SS for family support. At the time I was so entrenched in trying to keep him safe 24/7 and protect his little sister from his actions I was running on fumes and did not realise. I certainly had not the spare time or energy to look for anything that could help. A few hours respite a week made a big difference as I could take his little sister to groups and give her my whole attention.

In my sons case at 15 it looked like secure accommodation might be the only way forward as an adult BUT he then started to work with CAMHS then education and accepted some support from SS. It’s taken some time but he now has his own supported flat and is making massive steps towards being able to manage floating support independence. The earlier a child with significant extra needs get the extra outside support they need the better chance they have of a happy life as an adult.

It is a health issue. The child is pooing in a nappy and then not getting washed with water. It's not OP's fault, but it absolutely is something that needs to be dealt with long term.

I am not an "absolute Muppet", I am actually both an autism parent and autism advocate, frequent speaker and professional in the field. I do in fact know what I am talking about.

Was it the first call you've had?
When they call you the first time they are literally checking in to establish what help you need, sometimes it's a social worker doing a shift on the phone, sometimes it's a family support worker (my old job!)
It's called 'opening a contact' you will then go in a tray and be assigned a dedicated worker as soon as someone is available.
From what you've shared, I imagine a fsw will do a EHA (early help assessment) and spend time working out how best to support you, they'll visit you regularly and build up a relationship with everyone at home and visit school too to get to further identify what support is needed.
You absolutely don't sound like a candidate for social services and very much like one of the families I would have visited while at EH.
I hope that reassures you op?