Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Children's health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Refereeing between my son and wife

9 replies

isItgreenerontheotherside · 02/10/2024 15:40

Hello everyone,

I have two boys, ages 8 and 5. My eldest has always seemed a bit different. He still experiences intense meltdowns, including door slamming, screaming, crying, and swearing.

Up until last year, I worked long hours and was often out of the house, while my wife stayed at home with the kids.

Since we moved to a new country last year, I've become a stay-at-home dad and work online. I've observed some troubling behaviors from my wife since the move. Certain things seem to trigger our 8-year-old, and it appears that she enjoys provoking him.

She engages in arguments with him on a childish level, often adding provocative comments.

One evening, my son attempted to apologize for something that had occurred earlier in the day. Her response was, “Yeah right, you’ll do the same thing tomorrow.”

I believe he may have ADHD, and I’ve tried to persuade her to take him to a specialist for years, but I haven’t had any success.

It doesn’t seem to impact him at school (he just struggles to sit still), but he is an intelligent boy. Often, it feels like I’m waiting for a huge explosion between them, ready to step in and defuse the situation.

My youngest and I are quite relaxed, but the stress is really starting to take a toll on me.

Leaving is definitely not an easy option, but it would complicate things with custody and returning to the UK.

I would appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
BuckWeed · 02/10/2024 15:57

Is your wife your sons mom - or step mum?

Does your wife work? and is your son in full time education?

It seems your wife is struggling with your sons behaviour, you mentioned you worked long hours so the parenting mainly came down to her and i imagine she is probably burnt out from it all.

If you want this to improve, you need to step up in terms of parenting him to allow her to build a connection with him where she doesnt always feel 'bad cop'

Soontobe60 · 02/10/2024 15:58

Is there a reason as to why you cant take him for an assessment?

yeesh · 02/10/2024 16:00

Soontobe60 · 02/10/2024 15:58

Is there a reason as to why you cant take him for an assessment?

100% this

NewName24 · 02/10/2024 16:10

Presumably because most parents would need to be in agreement to do so

isItgreenerontheotherside · 02/10/2024 16:14

NewName24 · 02/10/2024 16:10

Presumably because most parents would need to be in agreement to do so

She consistently declined in the UK, and I didn't want to go against her wishes since she spent most of her time with him. The language barrier limits what I can do here.

OP posts:
isItgreenerontheotherside · 02/10/2024 16:15

BuckWeed · 02/10/2024 15:57

Is your wife your sons mom - or step mum?

Does your wife work? and is your son in full time education?

It seems your wife is struggling with your sons behaviour, you mentioned you worked long hours so the parenting mainly came down to her and i imagine she is probably burnt out from it all.

If you want this to improve, you need to step up in terms of parenting him to allow her to build a connection with him where she doesnt always feel 'bad cop'

We relocated so she could pursue her career. She works full time now, while I stay at home to take care of the kids.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 02/10/2024 16:17

It isn't uncommon for some parents to not want to accept that their child is having problems and to believe that they are just lazy and not trying.

This usually comes out in comments to the child.

No advice, sorry.

Chillisintheair · 02/10/2024 16:17

isItgreenerontheotherside · 02/10/2024 16:15

We relocated so she could pursue her career. She works full time now, while I stay at home to take care of the kids.

How can you be taking care of the kids if you’re working full time?

isItgreenerontheotherside · 02/10/2024 16:22

Chillisintheair · 02/10/2024 16:17

How can you be taking care of the kids if you’re working full time?

It says that I used to work long hours and since we relocated, Im a stay at home Dad

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page