Concern with dd age 15

[R33ose]

I may be completely overeacting but if I'm honest I'm a little concerned about my daughter. I feel like she just needs to slow down as said I could be completely in the wrong here especially as all I hear are good things and praise coming from teachers and other parents.

She is non stop everyday I understand she is 15 now has her own life and would naturally spend less time with family but I just feel she lives a very intense life for a 15 year old girl I just hope she's OK and happy and it would just be nice if she can take the time to just slow down and maybe make the time once or twice a week to eat with the family or once a month just have a chill day me even.

She is literally busy 24/7 and also has some what I would say abnormal lifestyle habits weather good or bad I don't know. She wakes up very early has a bath and cup of tea but from then on it's just go go go, she has school 9-3 works 2 jobs, plays netball for a team, voluntarily helps out tutoring younger kids at school after school some days, goes to gym and running track with friends and plays tennis at a tennis club. She leaves in the morning and comes back at night around 10-11pm, including weekends she may stop in around dinnertime to grab something to eat or sometimes after school for 5 minutes to pack a gym bag or change or get her tennis equipment or whatever. When she gets home around 10pm she will either have a bath which is the only thing she will do in terms of relaxing or she will study do school for a few hours. She will also offer to do any house chores but it's 10pm I've done it all by then. One last thing her eating habits I find quite abnormal also for example she doesn't eat breakfast ever she will have a very light lunch and then a dinner but she doesn't like much and will never touch anything unhealthy when doing her dinner I have to always do hers separately as for example she won't eat chips or potatoes so i have to do her everything with rice all she really eats is meat and rice and vegetables or soup kr noodles she likes asian dishes with meat noodles veg and sauce. Since becoming a teenager I've literally never seen her eat a piece of cake, or chocolate or any kind of healthy snack.

Am I completely overeating and everything is fine I'm so proud of her of course I just hope everything is OK with her and can't help but worry about her

What (who) is she avoiding at home?

I don't believe she is avoiding anything or anyone

Some kids thrive off being busy, DD is at her happiest when she is non-stop. Why is a 15 year old having to work 2 jobs though? When does she work? I have a feeling that this is likely involving illegal hours and times for her age, OP.

Is she underweight? The only thing I would be really worried about is her eating habits. The rest I actually think is great. Up early, playing sports, helping tutor younger children. I think she's living her best life and why not? Teenagers can be selfish but she actually sounds amazing. Maybe I am in the minority?

She absolutely does not have to work 2 jobs she does by choice. One job is at her local borough sports club on Saturday mornings for 4 hours and the other is 2 evenings a week for 4 hours, so 16 hours a week no long illegal hours

She is not underweight at all, I would say above average weight for a 15 year old but not overweight at all just quite broadly built

Sorry forgot to clarify Job 2 is at the netball club she plays for

She is working illegal hours.

The law is a max of 2 hours on school days and all together no more than 12 hours per week at her age. You need to nip this in the bud. Ridiculous that you haven’t realised this already.

Sorry 4 x 3 =12 hours a week not 16. So she works 12 hours a week which I just googled and is the legal limit for her age

Sorry my mistake I just asked her to clarify, she does only 2 hours on weeknight and only 4 hours on a Saturday.

I can confirm she's not working illegal hours

How does she get to all these places. My 14 year old relies on me and won't get the bloody bus. To me sounds like she doesn't want to be home I'd be asking why

Think you nearly blew it there OP

I think it’s fine for her to enjoy sport and have some independence. The eating is okay, she’s choosing healthy things and as long as she is underweight I wouldn’t worry. But the long days out of the house every day would worry me at that age, I wouldn’t want a 15 year old girl coming home at 10-11pm.

Aside from that presumably she’s going in to GCSE year this year and with all these activities that’s a lot to squeeze in with the pressure of exams? Sounds like she’s keen to be independent and I do think that’s somewhat normal but this does sound a bit excessive tbh.

*Sorry should say as long as she isn’t underweight

She takes the train/bus with her friends. To netball she is picked up and dropped off by her friends mum

She is going into year 11 this year, she has taken one gcse already in science and is saying she wants to retake it even though she got an 8. She studies more than average 15 year old I think I could be wrong though, she will at least do minimum 2 hours every night sometimes she will go 4 hours straight without getting her head out the book and I know she is studying as she sits in garden with her paper and books no laptop phone nothing just table pen and paper

I mean in one way she seems like a dream but I think I would also worry a bit. I think chilling out, socialising, being a bit more of a kid every now and again would be more of a balance. It sounds like she is very driven and maybe a bit anxious to succeed (tutoring for free and retaking a successful exam feels a bit ott to me). I'd also worry she was restrictive in what she's eating. It all sounds very controlled and serious. Does she seem happy when you see her? Could you give her a curfew once or twice a week? To keep an eye on her if nothing else.

She seems fine, she never seems overly happy and is always exhausted when she comes home, however she is never sad or unhappy either and never in a bad mood or nothing. Don't think my husband would go along with a curfew as he seems to think there's no issue and that she is active, busy and enjoying herself and that's only a good thing.

This sounds like 15 year old me. I had an eating disorder and was a perfectionist - nothing but an A was good enough. I studied for hours into the night and got up at 6am to cycle 10 miles before school and would do another 10 after school.
This would all seriously worry me if this was my daughter. For obvious reasons we don't talk diets, have scales, are v relaxed about food and eating and she knows she can't work until she's 16. She is physically active and plays team sports and occasionally goes to the gym but this is v much a social activity and I'm pretty sure they exercise their mouths rather than limbs!
I had to take a year out to attend a psych hospital so did my A levels later than everyone else.
My concern for you and your daughter is her obsessivness and perfectionism. For me I think it was part of a way to try to escape my family life - and, while I'm sure this isn't the case for you, it might be worth looking a bit deeper into things.

Yeah I mean I can't think of any reason at all she would want to "escape" her family life, we have always and still do get on well. Just don't see her much but when she is home she always asking her brothers how was school and spending time with them sometimes taking them to park or for an ice cream and offering to help anything round the house e.t.c. she engages and seems very relaxed/comfortable around everyone in family, but maybe I'm missing something

How about asking her to come out for a day of mother daughter time with you, take a bit of a break, maybe that you'd like to go to a spa or similar and you'd like her company? Then you could get her talking and see how things seem in that setting.