Overweight Daughter

[sausageshello]

I need help on how to get my 7 year old daughter to a healthy weight. She is very noticeably overweight - she ways 33kg and is around 118cm I think. She fits into age 10 clothes generally but it always looks so long on her.

I just feel like she's always hungry and can't possibly actually be as starving as she says - I think that it is sometimes just a desire for food. I offer her healthy foods for snacks but when she's at a party without me or whatever, she will be snacking on whatever junk food is there and a parent once told me she ate nearly a full bowl of wotsits!! I think I need to portion size more regarding meals at home but she always wants more and acts like she's properly starved.

My eldest son also went through a chubby phase but this was in his teens and he just started becoming more athletic as his diet wasn't too bad and he's healthy now. My middle daughter is in her teens and is really slim and always has been so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong with my youngest!

Someone in her class made fun of her when they were changing for dance class and another boy said he'd never date her because she was fat (she wasn't even asking him out; he just felt the need to say that!!). It really damages her self esteem and I know she hates her body and it breaks my heart.

She is fairly active tbh - she does gymnastics and dance in school as well as extra dance classes outside of school. She also does swimming lessons and goes swimming with us a lot and she does ice skating lessons too. She also goes cycling regularly and is always running about and playing. She's a good runner apparently because she came 3rd out of all the girls in her class on Sports Day which I was surprised with tbh. But that was short distance and she starts gasping if she goes running for even a little longer.

I would really appreciate some help as I feel it is my fault and want to solve this issue before she grows older.

What is her diet actually like at home? Going overboard on junk at the occasional party does not make a child overweight - a full bowl of wotsits for example is quite low calorie. What you’re giving her on a daily basis has to be the real issue.

I don't understand the bit of your post about a boy saying 'he'd never date her' - have i misunderstood, she is 7?!! What do kids aged 7 know of 'dating' or what that even means?!
This aside of she's in age 10 clothes and not because of height but because of needing the width then you know there is an issue OP.
You need to focus on her outgrowing her weight over a long period - don't look for a quick fix to this as that would just be dieting and a terrible cycle to get into. Just dont allow her portions to get any bigger at all from here (no extra snacks etc) and over the next year or two as she grows taller and her calorie requirement naturally increases she will naturally trim down a bit. But you do need to keep portions exactly as they are dont allow any portions to creep any bigger.

Sounds like she's getting plenty of exercise but is eating too much.

Give her three meals a day and snacks of fruit, vegetables, yoghurt.

Fill her up on protein.

Lots of different vegetables.

Limit sugary treats and drinks.

Cur right down in portion sizes and limit fats such as oil and cheese.

Use wholemeal bread.

simple- don't bring crap into the house!! If it isn't there she can't eat it.

Simply don’t have chocolate, cakes, sweets, fizzy pop or and crap in the house.

make sure breakfast is something like porridge and you can add berries, fruit, seeds etc to it or even something like egg muffins which are literally just whisking up eggs, adding veggies of your choice and cottage cheese or cheddar and baking in muffin tins.

swaps pastas, breads, pittas etc for brown and whole meal options.

offer after school snacks like cucumber/pepper/carrot/celery sticks with hummus.

make sure she’s drinking lots of water and cut out/down on juice and squash.

walk more in general life. To friends houses, school, weekend activities or just for a nice evening catch up together.

It’s good that you’re taking responsibility for this now. It’s very unfair on your daughter that you let her get to this point.

Simply - don’t buy processed or junk foods into the house. If it’s not there, she can’t have it.

For breakfast, shredded wheat (which is unprocessed) or weetabix (which is only very minimally processed), with milk.

For snacks - apples, bananas, satsumas, plain/natural yoghurt with jam or honey mixed in.

Brown bread and wholemeal pasta only.

Water or milk to drink, no squash or fizzy pop.

Are you feeding her frozen foods like nuggets, chips, fish fingers etc for dinner? Replace these meals with jacket potato, wholemeal pasta. Turkey dinosaurs can be replaced with sliced turkey. Chips can be replaced with new potatoes. Etc.

It honestly sounds like she is addicted to ultra-processed food.

I wouldn’t limit portion size personally. She can eat as much rice, fruit, etc as she wants. As long as it’s unprocessed food.

Does she by any chance have Prada willi syndrome, where they are always hungry?

Given that only about 1 in 20,000 children have Prader Willi, and those that do tend to have other medical/developmental problems not mentioned by OP; probably not.

I disagree with PP saying that portion size doesn’t matter, or that she can eat as much as she likes of healthy things. Her activity levels are good so she must be in a significant calorie excess.

Hummus, nuts and seeds, jam in porridge etc as suggested are all quite calorie dense. Eating a double portion of rice will be double the calories!

Does she have smaller portions of meals than her teen siblings?

The hard part will be not making her feel like she has been out on a diet, when she kinda needs to be put on a diet…

Her diet isn't great which is my fault. I think that it's because my other 2 kids are older and have always eaten in moderation so I didn't have an issue bringing in some snacks. She definitely does snack a bit too much but in the past year, I've cut out stuff like crisps and chocolate and it doesn't make a difference. She also has huge huge tantrums when I refuse her crisps or something.

@Thatmissingsock I think it's very weird too. But according to my daughter, loads of people in her class are in relationships. I just think it's awful he said that when literally none of them should be thinking like that at that age.

Thanks for the advice about the diet and food choices. I think I will just have to be wary about healthy eating for her. She doesn't really eat frozen food ever to be honest but like if she is eating a pasta portion, she will ask for 2nd and 3rd helpings. It's my fault that I never refuse her but I don't know how to when her older siblings are allowed.

And her initial portion of food is less compared to her siblings but then she'll eat more and it ends up being bigger than her 15 year old sister nearly all the time. And my 15 year old doesn't eat less, she eats a normal amount. She eats less than my 21 year old son though but he makes his own meals whenever he's hungry most of the time anyway.

I think I must go and find the posts I've made on this before and save them because I was you, with a DS, a few years ago and tend to come on these threads as I really do feel the pain.

We had a three prong approach:

One: Cut back massively on treats/snacks etc. we had rather slipped into a habit of a daily hot chocolate and a small packet of crisps, maybe a biscuit as well. It was really bad and we all had to put a lot more effort into that. In our case we didn't say NO treats, but we put a system in place where he could choose one a day.

two: Totally change what he was eating. Like your DD, he had a big appetite. So he would have the snacks after school, and then would be filling up on massive portions of pasta or whatever. All those foods we give toddlers/young children because they're quite nutritious and we know they don't eat that much. But he WAS eating a lot with too much of it being carbs, or sometimes some protein that didn't fill him. So we swapped to him eating a lot more with us with lots of things like chicken with a big pile of vegetables and some potatoes to get the balance right - the idea was some protein, some carbs and some veg. Not too carb or fat heavy. Or salmon with a stir fry and noodles. We still do pasta, of course, but for a while, we cut right back and when we did have them, I did my best to make them as chunky as possible so that the ratio of pasta to everything else was better.

three: we uppted MOVEMENT. So he was also quite active and took part in sports etc, but at that age, a lot of those sports groups are small amounts of time with a LOT of standing around between. DS had also started to realise there was a problem so he was wiling to do the work - so he and DH would set up obstacle courses in the garden and spend an hour doing them. Or we'd take the dog for a really long walk, or he'd make a point of trying to do more lengths of the pool without stopping every time we went. All this on top of his usual activities.

it took a while but the change was immense. Boosted by a convenient growth spurt that happened about 4 months into our new programme. He's now a tall, slim, active 13 year old.

This is so so helpful, thank you very much!!! I will definitely take your advice and it's nice to know you succeeded with your DS.

As I was re-reading this, I realised I didn't specifically say that the idea was to provide food that if he wanted more, it was okay because it was still balanced. Pasta in itself is not bad, especially for children. Pasta in massive portions, particularly with a fairly basic sauce, is. But if he was starving and wanted an extra piece of chicken, some more veg and a couple more new potatoes - fine, that was okay.

I think, personally, you should get rid of all junk food in the house. For food - if you know she’s eating a lot in one go then slightly change the receipes. Eg cooking pasta al dente increasea fibre and keeps you fuller.

...she will ask for 2nd and 3rd helpings. It's my fault that I never refuse her but I don't know how to when her older siblings are allowed.

Having written that out, you must see how ridiculous it sounds? She can't eat the same amount as her older siblings as she is seven and they are older and so need more food to fuel them. She can understand that fine, if told.

Cook the right amount of food at each mealtime, there are very rarely any seconds in our house as I simply make enough for each person. No more, no less. Get siblings on board with it too. She can’t ask for extras if the food simply isn’t there.

Give an age appropriate explanation on calorie requirements. She is 7. Her body does not physically need the same amount as her adult siblings, nor should you feel guilty about giving her less.

Get her involved in cooking some healthier recipes with you. Lots of protein and bulk things out with more veg. Homemade treats like banana bread are fun to make and far better than shop bought.

Agree there shouldn't be 2nd and 3rd helpings of pasta for her to ask for. To help her taper off and satisfy cravings maybe you could do a second helping of pasta sauce provided it is full of vegetables and not out of a jar filled with sugars

I agree in a way about the parent being responsible. Sorry Op not attacking you, but having gone through this as a child and ever since.
My DM said in more recent years that it's the adults responsibility to look at their diet 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄😂 well as I pointed out I was a child then first before becoming the adult.
My mum did always cook, we never ate out takeaways etc, but that's not what everyone does and not where the main problems were.
Breakfasts were different to now as to what we are told to have.
I was allowed Coco Pops or I was having tea and biscuits. I was told it wasn't her choice of breakfast but it's what I wanted and we needed to get to school.
Fair enough on one point as I have my own DC and I know what the mornings can be like.
But I've tried to have a few different options and something not just sugary.

My packed lunch wasn't great, even the dentist pointed out about the cereal bar and sugar free pop but still not good for teeth.
There was dinner cooked I can't remember if we had desserts etc.
And there was always biscuits in the house in a tin so I used to eat those whilst no one was looking. As my DF used to sit with them in the evening.
We were told to finish what was on our plate.
I was picked on about my weight by my DF not sure though in those days women were mainly responsible for the children what he expected me to do about it.

My DM just said in recent years what did you want me to do about it 🙄

So I think it is good that you are addressing the situation with your DD.
And yes it will be a gradual thing and she may well change very much as time goes on.
Exercise and sports are great, but like they say diet plays the main role.
Through all the exercise she does this might be making her even hungrier.

I suppose with the pasta you could look at changing if it's not already wholemeal.
And is it plain etc, I think everyone is different that like they keep telling adults anything carbs raises your insulin, so this is what I notice with things with sauces or coated it can make a difference to hunger levels.
My DS would more ask for more mince than pasta which I am glad about as it's more protein which he needs.

The dating and talking in that way, yes I have noticed things and heard kids talk and thing omg. Kids saying about the other oh she likes you 🤦‍♀️ and I'm thinking woah they are only 6-8 yrs old.

Fat jokes and nastiness has always been a thing. When I was at Juniors there was a boy in my class with the same surname and a class kid said you should get married when you get older you both have the same surname and are both fat 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I mean I can laugh now when you hear what is going on in schools and with knife crime etc, it makes it all seem so much more low key.

Alternatives to pasta:

Shirataki noodles
Legumes - lentils, Beans, chickpeas
Courgette noodles
Quinoa
Mashed cauliflower

Make your own sauces as commercial pasta sauces contain a lot of sugar, which feeds cravings for more sugar.

When my kids were younger I was very clear that different sized bodies need different amounts of food so it wasn't "unfair" that teen DS had a much larger pile of mash and an extra sausage compared with his 5 year old sister.

I would make just enough so there isn't second helpings; if still hungry she could have fruit.

It will portion size op.

Very wise

thirst can often be mistaken for hunger so make sure she is well hydrated on water or if she won’t drink it cordial mixed with water. Otherwise I think the others answering your post have covered everything. It sounds like she is getting tonnes of exercise and weight is calories in versus calories out so she must be consuming way too many or you’re under estimating how much she moves. For example she may go to gymnastics but does she actually keep moving the whole time?

Talking of thirst, does she drink fruit juice or sodas, aka empty calories?