Anxiety whenever child gets ill (post miscarriage)

[Bogoj86]

I have 2 children, a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and both are completely healthy. However, whenever one of them becomes unwell, even with a small illness, I get so anxious. My mind totally catastrophises and takes me to the worst possible place, imagining what this small illness might turn into. A bit of background- I suffered 4 miscarriages before having my children, 3 before my first born, and 1 before my second. I'm sure this has contributed to some kind of fear of losing my children. Does anyone else have a similar fear/ similar experience?

I’m sorry to hear about your losses. I’m not an expert but I think this is quite a common reaction to have following that sort of trauma. I have had two losses in the past 6 months, I have a child already and I’ve found myself riddled with anxiety about her lately. Same as you, if she’s unwell I think the worst. And I find my mind wandering sometimes and coming up with completely unrealistic but scary scenarios where something bad happens to her.

No advice sorry, but just wanted to say you’re not alone x

Hi OP.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. As PP said, you're definitely not alone. I experienced this terribly when my children were similar ages. Whilst I only experienced one pregnancy loss early on, I carried a lot of trauma from the births of my children and also some health issues in their early years. Not life threatening but extremely traumatic nonetheless. It has taken me years to recover. My children are KS2 now, and I still very much struggle whenever they are ill or show a curious symptom (that almost always disappears!!) but things are so much better than they were. As your children get older (and you have multiple mild illnesses under your belt!) your anxiety brain will learn to become a little less responsive.

Really feel for you as I get this too. I haven't experienced miscarriage but my baby brother died when I was 4 which has led to just what you describe.

I would say that yours are still so little and they really do get ill so much less as they grow up. They also feel way more resilient.
I can't remember when our kids were last poorly (they are 13, 8 and 4) Honestly it will improve.
I sometimes think of my friends who are mothers (especially my doctor/nurse friends) who are just not remotely phased by their children getting ill. Then I imagine that they are with me supporting me.

Not sure what is helpful to recommend other than that hypnosis certainly took the edge off for me.

♥️

Thanks so much for your messages, and I'm so sorry to hear that you have also experienced losses.
It's good to know that it becomes easier the older they get. The idea of hypnosis does appeal to me though @Treesnbirds.Like you say, it may help just take the edge off, particularly as winter will be here before we know it (with all the accompanying nursery bugs)!

I struggle with this so much too, you’re not alone. I suffered with health anxiety (very much centred on my own health) for several years until I had my first baby. Even though he had to have an op at GOSH when he was 8 weeks by health anxiety seemed to totally clear up post pregnancy and it didn’t reoccur even when I had to have a TFMR at 21 weeks as my baby had extreme spina bifida. When I had my next child, he was very poorly on and off for 18 months and often in hospital- he also had developmental delays. He’s now a very healthy and crazy active 9 year old but I am OBSESSED with every little thing about how he is physically. Some days are worse than others, I’m currently weighing up whether to get some help with it as I know it’s starting to affect him. Sorry if this isn’t helpful but I wanted you to know you’re not alone! Sending love x