Feeling hopeless with crying baby

[AWilliams24]

i’m writing this while sobbing in the bathroom to take 2 minutes of breathing. I really don’t know what to do. My little girl is 4 weeks tomorrow and in the last 2 weeks it’s like we have a different baby.
When she was born and for the weeks following, while she was clingy, she wasn’t a crier. She could be consoled easily and was very placid. Since around 1.5/2 weeks ago, she has suddenly become inconsolable and it’s only getting worse. Unless she has a bottle in her mouth or is sleeping (which only happens at night now after 12am), she is whaling at the top of her lungs. We’ve taken her the GP twice who tell us to simply give her cool boiled water (she is clearly in a lot of discomfort/pain when trying to go to the toilet and her bowel movements are very irregular - roughly around once every 3-4 days) but that has been ongoing since week one and this seems different. We’ve taken her to the hospital because the cries are blood curdling for hours and hours and they put it down to reflux and have only told us to reduce her feeds (which makes her angry because she’s clearly more hungry). Nothing is settling her, I’ve tried colief, Infacol, taking her for walks, baby massage (which she hates due to the pain she’s clearly in at times). Even rocking/consoling her barely works anymore.

I’m honestly struggling so much. I have no idea how I can get through another couple days of this, let alone the months people are telling me to wait until she grows out of it or the phase will pass. I average around 2 hours sleep a night. We have no support from family and friends and my partner has to return to work next week as he’s already extended his leave to support me.
I don’t know what I expect to gain from posting this but I just needed to vent as I’m living in what feels like hell right now.

That sounds so hard. When ds was similar we found a cranial osteopath helped a lot. I'd thst something you would consider? I know it's not for everyone. Also costs ..

You are doing good btw coping with all of this and she will be ok with you taking a breather.

I can totally sympathise as my first was a crier and I think I've blocked out a lot of what it was like. Theirs was due to Tongue Tie.

It does sound as though your LO might have CMPA though, especially as they seem to have constipation? If you click on the link it gives the symptoms and Allergy UK have a helpline, which might be useful?

Have a read of the symptoms and if they sound like what's going on, I'd go back to the GP and ask for a formula suitable for CMPA and some reflux medication.

If you can't get into the Gaps today, you could try a Comfort Formula over the weekend?

I second the suggestion of a cranial osteopath. My LO is 26 now but even back in the day, one visit made such a difference. I was sceptical but willing to try anything after he had constant ear infections.

Is it all day? My first had evening colic where it just got worse as the day went by and then by 7pm he was unconsolable - hence evening colic. It kicked in at 3 weeks.

My son was bottle fed, irregular bowel
Movements and he struggled to bring his wind up. Also bottle fed

What we did:
Changed bottles to Mam from tommee
Tippe
Used infacol
Changed milk - that helped him poo
Started at evening bedtime routine so bath, bottle bed and in his own cot by 8pm.

I think for my son he was over tired and full of wind.

Was much better by 6 weeks and then I realised he needed routine - not hard and fast but regular sleeps, feeds etc. less of a go with the flow

No easy answers. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to grow so their tubes are bigger and wind hurts less. Feels like an eternity waiting.

I used to find singing was a good way to stay sane, calmed me down and made me breathe even if the baby kept howling. Makes the time pass more easily. It's so hard.

You’re doing really well. It’s important to take a couple of minutes space to just breathe. You will get through this.

Skin to skin contact will help regulate your baby, and stress relief for you. Have you tried bathing together?

You mentioned a bottle so I assume baby is formula fed. What size teat are you using? If the flow is too fast or slow, that can cause problems. Do not offer comfort formula as a pp suggested, this has much larger molecules which are more difficult to digest. Always stick to Stage 1 (even after 6 months). Are you offering the breast at all?

Does baby take a dummy?

My daughter was like this started at 3 weeks but it was 17 weeks before we got the answer severe silent reflux and multiple food allergies. Her GP had only treated her mild-moderate actual reflux and hadn't factored in any silent reflux which turned out for her to be much worse than her vomiting reflux. She only got relief by being on high dose reflux treatment and I had to remove all of her allergens from my diet. She is 4 now, has 20 confirmed allergies and is still on high dose reflux treatment for her silent reflux

If the hospital reckon reflex, even if it’s silent reflux, has she been prescribed omeprazole and/or have you been advised to use an anti reflux formula or milk thickener? If not I’d be asking the GP. I’d also raise the possibility of CMPA since that often goes along with reflux.

I can hear your anguish coming through your post - it is so so hard to have a crying baby you can’t soothe and the sound of crying becomes too much very quickly for most people. So sorry you and your poor baby are going through this. My first DS had silent reflux diagnosed around 8 weeks and I wish I had gone to see the doctor sooner - symptoms (screaming almost constantly and scrunching or straining legs the whole time) started around 4 weeks and that month was hell. We were prescribed gaviscon which did almost nothing and then omeprazole which was life changing and DS remained on it for around 7 months. He is now nearly 3 and thriving with no reflux related challenges. Keep seeing your GP and keep advocating for your baby - sometimes people can get fobbed off when babies are crying because it’s ‘normal’ but there is a big difference between babies crying quite a lot, and babies screaming because they are in horrible pain. In the mean time, take help from anyone you can to watch the baby for any time so you get a break. If you have literally no one, get some good noise cancelling headphones on (or buy cheap sound cancelling ear plugs online) and go for a walk with a podcast or audio book, and baby in a sling so they are close to you and comforted and you can try to switch off from the baby crying while you walk. Good luck.

Sounds like CMPA or reflux. Don't be fobbed off. Baby needs some medication if it's reflux and also to try a milk free diet.

Also I am so sorry this is happening, it sounds so tough.

How are you both this evening @AWilliams24

Ds was just like this. The only things that helped were swaddling him and a dummy. I used to listen to music through headphones so I couldn’t hear him whilst I held him and rocked him and paced up and down. It is really hard. 😔

I don't have much advice apart from feeding baby where the head is higher than the bottom (like a koala hold).

But what you're going through sounds very very tough and it must be super difficult at the moment.

I'd push to see a paediatrician or specialist.

Try putting her in a baby carrier so her tummy is against you and goose step around the house. The heat and movement helps the air bubbles join up and come up.

Good luck. Parenting is hard and you're doing the right thing asking for medical help.

It's relentless isn't it. My DD screamed pretty much 24/7 for 6 weeks straight. We tried everything and anything. She had reflux on top of a forceps birth - and was in pain. Cranial osteopath sorted her - along with a Cocoon Baby mattress and slow feed bottles (Dr...something, sorry can't remember!!). It will settle down - it will! I too had family overseas or 6hr drive away and it was very lonely. NCT friends helped a great deal (still in touch 13yrs on)