Anxiety Newborn and Toddler Health

[Finn33]

Hi guys. Looking for some advice.

I am the lucky mama to a beautiful 18 month old DD and an almost 7 week old baby boy.

My newborn hasn't had the easiest of starts. He spent the first week in Neonatal as he had breathing difficulties when delivered and then developed Jaundice. At 4 weeks old, he developed viral meningitis and sepsis. He spent a week in PICU and we were close to losing him. It was the worse week of our lives but he fought back and showed how incredibly strong he is.

My dilemma is DD attends crèche and,like many kids, has a new virus every week. She was sick the week before DS became very ill and we were advised this is likely were he caught the virus that made him develop meningitis as we were isolating him quite a bit. Anyway, she has woken with a couple of bouts of vomiting during the night and this morning is sneezing with a runny nose. No temperature and otherwise well eating and drinking. My issue is I am now completely full of anxiety that DS will get ill again so soon after being so gravely ill. And my mind is wandering over every possible thing that could go wrong. I now know how quickly illness can develop and become serious and I'm terrified.

We had considered taking DD out of crèche but she loves it there and, with very long waiting lists in our area, I would likely not have a place for her again once I go back to work.

Of course we are keeping them as separate as possible, thorough hand washing etc but with sneezing germs can be airborne.

Would love to hear if anyone has been through anything similar and how you handled the anxiety? Or any practical advice of how to cope? Thank you guys ❤️

@Finn33 Bless you, I can hear your anxiety in your writing. The newborn stage is hard enough without adding serious illness into the mix, you've all had it really tough!

We had a similar when DS2 was born so I can empathise. He was born the day our eldest started Preschool and within a week our eldest brought RSV home and baby got really ill with it, hospitalised for a week with bronchiolitis and very close to needing ventilated in PICU. On his last day in hospital he came out in chicken pox also caught from DS1.

I was so worried and asked the dr in hospital if I needed to "protect" him from germs and they were very firm that I shouldn't molly coddle him and that he wouldn't be any more susceptible to catching anything than the average child. Our eldest went to preschool every day and went to day nursery once a week throughout my maternity leave, and DS2 was fine. He had a few colds but nothing serious and he's a strapping 2 year old now!

That's really hard, op. My ds had a near death experience with sepsis, but he was three. I had the same worries and panic every time he is ill, not wanting to mix with people, panic about older child bringing bugs home etc. I'd get sudden nausea and diarrhoea when out of the house with him for a while, from anxiety - not nice!

Ultimately, you've got to accept that there's no way to live a risk free life. Your baby will already be stronger than when she was tiny. It was extreme bad luck that happened before. If she gets a sickness bug, you care for her and she'll get through it. If she needs doctors, you'll take her.

You could write a list of what to check for now, if it helps - counting nappies, checking that breathing is ok etc and tell yourself what would be your criteria for seeking medical help. I find this helps make it feel logical rather than emotional.

Once you're past this episode, counselling might help to release some of the stress and trauma you're holding.

You need to remember that your 18 month old is your baby too and needs to be taken care of, not seen as a threat. As time goes on, exposure to bugs is good for both kids and will give them strong immune systems.