Constantly worried my child will get sick

[Rosesbeforelove]

I just wondered if anyone had any advice / experience of this. I’ve got a GP appt in 2.5 weeks as fairly sure it’s a “me” issue not a child issue now, but don’t have anyone IRL to talk to so hoped I might get some perspectives here.
DD8 is so thin… People take a (polite) double take when I tell them her age, clearly expecting her to be younger. I try my hardest to get as many calories into her without giving her a complex, but she naturally has a small appetite. I restrict nothing, offer a balanced diet and absolutely let her have some snacks during the day.
she had a very rough 3 years of back to back Strep A / scarlet fever and was hospitalised countless times, this has mainly resolved since her tonsils came out last year, but it’s like I’m still on red alert as is she. She’ll say things like “I’m really looking forward to the zoo / party on Saturday, I just hope I don’t get sick” which I can only put down to the endless times she had to cancel parties/ trips/ play dates when she got ill overnight, I try very hard to brush it away saying oh no honey you don’t get ill anymore, it will be fine” while pinching myself for tempting fate. I find myself starting at her thinking how pale and thin she looks compared to her peers, snd it’s like my worry hasn’t gone away ☹️but I work very hard not to let her see that,
GP is fairly useless and agrees her weight has dropped but won’t do anything further unless it’s dropped again by end of the year, no other symptoms and she had a coeliac screen 2 years ago,
she has friends tho not many and does get anxious about school, she’s very clingy to me which I put down to all her illnesses and hospital time with me. How, as a mum, do you stop worrying something is wrong? I don’t want to make her worry something is wrong by keeping on taking her back, but I equally hate finding myself noticing how pale and thin she is compared to her peers, it’s like a Vicious circle.
her brother is the picture of health, above average height, fit as a fiddle, never ill and eats loads and while I’m so grateful for that it somehow makes the contrast with her worse! I’ve attached a pic of us walking down a street after a lovely evening to try and encapsulate my worry - gorgeous evening, nice pic, but all I can focus on is how thin she looks 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️am I a bit mad and need help? Or am I right to think she’s not quite right and I need to keep pushing at risk of her feeling worried she’s ill again? My mind is just so confused, thank you for reading X

I haven't any strategies or help for you. But you are not alone.
My youngest DS had alot of medical issues as a baby, this led to illness during toddler/infant/junior years. And even when he was well - I was still anxious, hospital notes and bag at the ready.

Couldn't plan anything cos' everything felt like it got cancelled. Dreaded going on holiday.

Speak to your Dr. See another Dr if theyvare crap, and say you are worried about your daughter and why, get in some self care, perhaps a therapist to talk things through, yofa, reiki, running, whatever....

Hi Op, you have my sympathies as I know what it’s like to have a poorly child and obsess over how they are feeling / if they look unwell / look too thin. I would say that your DD looks fine, she looks like a petit child - not underweight but just “right” for her frame.

My DD is coeliac and is TINY - she’s one of the oldest in her class but is probably the smallest in size (height and weight). Her brother on the other hand (who is also coeliac!), has a very athletic build and is very sporty.

When you say your DD gets ill, is she unwell often? Can she fight off bugs quickly or do they linger until the next bug? if she was constantly unwell, or had a hard time overcoming bugs, I would ask a GP to do a blood test just to rule out anything.

Otherwise, try not to worry - all children are different and your DC looks fine 🙂

I don’t think your DD looks thin from that picture. She looks normal.

My 12 year is old ridiculously thin, but also tall and not that interested in food. But he’s also very fit. I wonder if you’re passing on your anxieties to her, and that’s why she’s clingy and doesn’t want to go to school.

The photo you've posted is of a healthy-looking family OP. I know often as a parent it's hard to see the wood for the trees, but I don't think your DD looks unnaturally small or thin for her age. Many DC are naturally thin and perfectly healthy! The problem for many DC these days is that they're obese, whereas in the past the vast majority of DC looked exactly like your DD.

I know it's hard to switch off your anxiety when you have a DC who has been seriously unwell. It's really traumatic when your DC ends up in hospital and gets things back-to-back and it takes a while for that trauma to dissipate. But she honestly looks like a healthy DC to me and having her tonsils out should make a huge difference. My DSis had hers out as an adult and her health has been transformed. She's gone from being someone who was really ill every winter at least once to being someone who is hardly ever ill. Your DD will grow and develop at her own pace. They're all different, so don't compare her to your DS.

I also think your DD looks totally normal in that photo.

Thank you all so so much.
I will go back and see a different GP and ask for some help. My son has started saying all I care about is her ☹️and I can see why he feels that way as I’m constantly worried she’ll get ill again which isn’t healthy for any of us ☹️hugely reassuring to read you don’t think she looks too thin, just petite and certainly many of her peers look much bigger than their age so maybe my perspective is skewed. Thank you all for understanding and for helping X

Hi I just wanted to give you a virtual hug -worrying about our children’s health is horrible, particularly if no-one irl seems to get it and particularly if there have been tricky times in the past. Do Google health anxiety - I have it -and there are a few threads on Mumsnet about worries about children by people who suffer with it. I think it’s a particularly hard one because we do feel we need to be vigilant as mothers and children do get ill - generally with minor things but just occasionally not - so there is a rationality to it, we just get it of proportion sometimes. Your DD looks absolutely fine in the picture.